Lately I’ve been barraged by thoughts of what I can’t do. I can’t keep my home in tip-top shape anymore. I can’t get over my insecurities about officially starting to homeschool Madeline this fall. I can’t play with my older girls as much as I used to anymore. I can’t sleep even when I crawl into bed exhausted at the end of a day (insomnia, be gone!). I can’t find a lot of time to pray. I can’t stop biting my thumb nails. I can’t live up to my own maternal expectations.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yet, behind all these self-doubts, I have faith. Faith in my God and in myself. After all, God gave me these precious souls. He gave me a husband to help me raise them. He called me to be a mom. And every day he’s gently asking me to relinquish control, to bend to his will.
Will I answer his call? Or will I hide behind a litany of “cant’s”? Will I open myself to the graces I need to be the kind of mother he calls me to be – not the kind of mom I think I ought to be or the kind society tells me to be?
Perhaps instead of focusing so much on what I can’t do, I should choose to focus on what God can do through me.