I’ve never had so many sneak peaks into my womb as I have with this pregnancy. Today I caught my third glimpse of you. Boy, were you moving around a lot. You’re practicing your karate kicks. My midwife joked and said we either have a football punter or ballerina on our hands. The ultrasound tech asked if I wanted to know your gender. I guess she got a good look already, but I told her no, I didn’t. We’ll wait this time.
The reason I keep having all these ultrasounds is because early bleeding in this pregnancy led them to believe I had a placental tear. They wanted to check to make sure it had not grown any bigger. But today the nurse/ultrasound tech believed it wasn’t a placental tear at all and never had been. Instead, she suspects I have a blighted ovum – an empty gestational sac where a baby never developed – although she’s not 100 percent certain. You can’t see it in this particular image, but a clear, blob-like space is very clear in some of the others. I’m not sure if this means I have another soul to pray for, a little child waiting in heaven or not, but I’m trying to not think about what might have been (twins!) and what is: You. Perfect you.
I love you, Baby, and I pray for the miracle that is you every single day.
Stay strong. Stay well. My arms are eager to hold you.