Maggie doesn’t need a diet or a humiliating billboard
My 5-month-old boy is wearing 6 to 12 months clothing. This is not a complete shock to me because I’ve had other chunky babies and because I’m well aware that I make more than enough milk. My babies’ rolls have always been a sign of good health to me and nothing to worry about. They’re not chunky because I’m pumping them with sugary juice. They’ve all been exclusively breastfed for at least six months (Mary Elizabeth didn’t enthusiastically include solids on her menu until closer to 10 months).
What has been surprising – and truthfully disheartening – is the difference in how people react to my male chunky monkey. When strangers saw roly-poly Madeline when she was a delicious butterball, they would say things like: “Wow! How much are you feeding her?” or “Well, she’s not petite, is she?” or “I’m sure she’ll thin out eventually.”
I even had one woman in a produce aisle of a grocery store inform me that I might be feeding her a bit too much formula. I politely told her that Madeline was completely breastfed and walked away with my head held high. But on the inside, her comments put a dent in my fragile new mom ego. Maybe I was nursing her too much. Thankfully, I had a great pediatrician who told me she was just perfect and that she couldn’t get too much of a good thing, and mama’s milk is most definitely a good, nutritious thing.
Now when people see Thomas, who is actually bigger than Madeline was at this stage, they say things like, “What a healthy, strong boy!”
Do you see the difference?
Perhaps I’m over-analyzing this too much given my body image history, but it seems to me that even when they’re babies, there’s pressure on girls to be pint-sized cuties. Big boy babies are hearty and future linebackers. Solid baby girls might be eating too much. Raising girls to grow into confident, healthy women no matter their size is no easy task.
And it’s not getting any easier with the onslaught of anti-obesity propaganda popping up. Childhood obesity is a big problem. It needs to be addressed. Sugarcoating things or telling kids that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes may not put an end to childhood obesity, but neither will shaming fat kids.
Dorian Speed recently brought the new anti-obesity campaign in Georgia to my attention. She wrote an excellent post expressing her own mixed feelings about the nature of the campaign.
Since I no longer live in the city, I hadn’t seen the billboards; however, I know of people who have noticed them. There have been some experts who have applauded the campaign for not mollifying such a serious issue. According to Stop Childhood Obesity, 9 million children over the age of 6 are considered clinically obese. Fat kids are more likely to grow up to be fat adults and to suffer from myriad health problems. We owe it to our children to examine this issue and ask ourselves why the younger set is packing on the pounds.
I’m not against helping to put an end to childhood obesity. We don’t need to candy-coat the fact that it’s a serious problem or give an obese child’s cheek a quick pinch and tell her she’ll one day grow out of her baby fat. The campaign’s website is excellent and filled with important information that needs to get out there.
But the images that go with the campaign? They disgust me, especially the one on the left of the little girl. That’s strong language, but that’s exactly what I felt when I saw the campaign’s visuals. I wouldn’t want any of my daughters to see them. I have several friends whose spindly, thin girls are already concerned they’re getting fat. These girls are 7 and 8 years old and are wondering if they need to go on a diet. Did the experts behind the campaign ever stop to consider this? That healthy children might see those posters and fear being fat even more than they already do or think they’re overweight when they’re not.
And what about the children who are heavy? How will they feel seeing these posters and billboards that vilify being overweight? Do you think these kids chose to be obese? Maybe there’s a small percentage of adult hedonists who decide to embrace total gluttony and are saying, “To heck with my body!” But no child chooses to be overweight. Even they wanted to, a child can’t go to the grocery store and pick out more healthy food on her own. They’re at the whim of the adults in their lives. Kids are not naturally fat; the adults who feed them help to make them that way. Maybe we should be singling out the parents instead of the children. How about a billboard showing the typical processed, sugary fare a child eats and saying that this could be slowly killing your child, along with some statistics on the skyrocketing rates of Type 2 diabetes in children? (I actually don’t have as much of a problem with some of the messages in the images pictured below to the right.)
Honestly, I don’t believe we should even resort to aggressive guilt tactics with the parents either. Most parents want their children to be healthy and happy. There are some families where everyone is overweight, and the children should be given the tools they need to escape the fat trap. If a parent thinks Cheese Its are a healthy snack, someone needs to step in and tell them differently.
But I ended on up on the chunky side while the rest of my family were at healthy weights. I had a thin mom. My dad, who has recently worked very hard to lose some of the weight he gained as he grew older, was not overweight when I was younger. My brothers ate virtually the same things I did (except I ate more vegetables and gave up eating meat at a very young age, which really was the beginning of my disordered eating), but they were not overweight. My mom, in retrospect, says she wishes she had known how sad and shameful I felt. My parents didn’t know much about nutrition. This is true. Likewise, my dad grew up in a family where love was served up on huge platters brimming with butter. But there was more to my weight gain than what I was putting into my mouth.
I was a chubby, LITTLE girl, and seeing one of those posters would have cracked my eggshell ego. Shame is not the way to help people choose a more healthful lifestyle. Stigmatizing fat children or fat people in general isn’t going to keep them from reaching for the Doritos. In fact, that sweet girl (pictured above left) might already be lugging around a lot more shame than body fat.
Some argue a little bit of shame and guilt are necessary to motivate people to address this serious issue. If this is the case (and I’m clearly not sold on that), then it needs to clearly be directed at the adults.
However,
what I don’t like about any propaganda that stigmatize overweight people is that there’s a subterranean message that the extra weight isn’t bad, but the people who carry it around are. We can’t treat people – especially young children who should feel free and full of hope – like convicts. This will only set them up for further forbidden eating.
In fact, I’d wager to say that shame usually isn’t a good motivator for overweight adults either. Virtually anyone who is obese wants to free themselves from carrying around the extra weight and the burden of being overweight; they just don’t know how, or they don’t realize how long it takes to do it the right way.
One of the reasons people continue to eat too much is because there’s a part of them that wants to hide away. “Look at me! I’m fat! Don’t get too close to me.”
In my own experience as being a child who was teased for her weight, I started to eat more because I felt like I could never live up to the ideal standard of beauty that was out there. I had a beautiful, thin mom. I’d never be anything like her, so why even try? I didn’t like my body, but I didn’t like myself more. Poor self-image and low self-esteem feed a child’s desire to eat more. Each new rejection in my life – and seeing one of those posters would have felt like a lot like rejection – sent me to the pantry. So how can shaming obese children possibly help them to escape the despair they’re already feeling? A 6-year-old hopefully can’t turn to drugs or alcohol to help take away her pain and take her away from herself, but she can eat more cake.
I remember from a very young age associating shame with how much I ate. I was once at a friend’s house and felt like I was eating too many chips. My friend was rail-thin, and I was not. I felt so yucky in her presence. You’d think I’d stop eating those chips. Instead, I started eating more because I just felt so pathetic.
That's me at about 12, holding one of my cousins.
When I stumble upon childhood pictures of me like the one above, it make me sad because what I see now is a child who could have afforded to lose some weight for the sake of her health but also a sweet, funny, sensitive, smart, and creative, little girl. But when I was living that life, I felt like the way I looked defined me. I was bad because I weighed too much. I became skilled at putting up a good front and smiling, but inside I just felt so ashamed. What I needed then was someone to tell me that there was hope, that, yes, maybe I needed to learn to eat more intuitively again, but that I was still a good, beautiful, lovable kid.
If any overweight kids are reading this or anyone overweight period, know this. You are not bad. But some of the foods you’re eating or how much you’re eating might be bad for your health, and you deserve to live a healthy, happy life.
I’m not suggesting every overweight kid has deeper emotional issues, but I’d argue that many do, especially once they do start to fall into that obese category through no fault of their own and start to get teased. However, even if a child is simply eating too much and doesn’t feel ashamed of his or her extra weight, then we need channel our efforts at reaching the parents and educators. A doctor or other trusted professional needs to sit down with the parents (away from the children) and give them the straight facts.
While I am careful to not label food as bad in my house, I also tell my kids that we can’t eat too much sugar not because it will make us fat but because it’s just not the best fuel for our bodies. We need to empower parents to serve real food rather than processed garbage. Even innocuous crackers and bread now have corn syrup in them. So many parents don’t even realize they’re giving their kids junk devoid of any nutritional value to eat.
Here’s to a healthy, whole, and weightless 2012!
This is the time of year when throngs of people have made the decision to finally lose those last few pounds. This year their resolutions will not fall by the wayside. You will exercise regularly. You will reach for fruits and veggies instead of potato chips. You will fit into those skinny jeans. This – you know it, you feel it! - is the year of change.
You are vulnerable right now. You need a plan to back up your resolutions and good intentions. The health and beauty industry knows it, too. Now’s the time to capitalize on us making our litany of self-improvement goals. How nice of them. They only want to help us along with our resolutions, right?
Personally, I resist the temptation to make goals related to my weight or health given my body image history, but after sifting through one of my email accounts that is susceptible to a ridiculous amount of SPAM this morning, I began to see just why it is so very difficult not to buy into the belief that a “new” me is dependent on looking swell. First up: A message about a teeth whitening product that was guaranteed to make my smile brighter. Delete. There were discount coupons for the Nutrisystem program as well as a set of portion control containers that help you eat the right amount because, you know, listening to my internal cues isn’t enough. I can’t be healthy on my own. I need the help of plastic containers and restrictive calorie plans. Delete. Then there was an email promoting a cute baby contest. Snag ‘em while they’re young! Delete. Oh, and I discovered the secret to spotless, smooth, and elastic skin. All I have to do is invest a few hundred bucks in an anti-aging “miracle.” Delete.
The messages are ubiquitous and powerful, too.
Want to be happier? Want to live a more fulfilling life? Want to feel better about yourself? Want 2012 to be the best year ever? Forget cultivating virtue. Forget prayer. Forget taking care of your temple because it is a gift of God. Forget loving your spouse and children. Forget simplifying your life. Here’s the real secret to a better, happier, more beautiful future: Brighten your smile. Capitalize on your kids’ cuteness. While you’re at it, capitalize on your own potential for cuteness. You’re not there yet, but you do have POTENTIAL! Control your portions. Slather on miracle skin cream. Pretty up. Slim down. Buy these boots, this flattering sweater, and this lipstick. Smile!
Don’t buy into it, my friends. Feel free to exercise and eat more veggies. Don’t feel guilty about using Crest whitening strips or applying a good skin cream. But as I wrote in a guest post for the lovely Elizabeth Foss (talk about real beauty!!!), don’t allow an honorable, hopeful desire to morph into an unhealthy need.
Turn to Him if you really want a makeover. You were created to be a reflection of God’s love and beauty, and it is prayer – more than another fad diet – that will restore you to His likeness.
Please join me over at Elizabeth Foss’s place where I share a part of my soul and my hope for all of us in finding a healthy, Godward path to wholeness in 2012.
Just Popping In
This will be quick. I’m really enjoying my break from blogging. This morning I wrote in my sorely ignored journal. I felt happy sitting at my daughter’s desk in her room while the girls played and I scribbled away. Despite the technology-laden world I live in and usually embrace, the most soothing way to write for me is still often the old-fashioned way with a pretty notebook and slender pen in hand.
Our weekend was magical, joyful, and exhausting. That’s just the way it is with littles underfoot. Mary Elizabeth and I were fighting colds. Now Thomas is bit on the snotty side.
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in here really quickly to let you guys know about an interview I have scheduled for tomorrow. I’ll be on Radio Maria chatting about Weightless
Related to this and my anti-dieting position, the Brave Lass (AKA Kamilla) recently brought an interesting article from the New York Times to my attention. “The Fat Trap” explores why so many people lose weight only to gain it back again. In the first few paragraphs the article discusses a study that involved obese people going on a low-calorie diet. Most of the participants were very motivated to slim down and lost an average of 30 pounds 10 weeks in to the diet. Yet, despite their efforts to maintain the weight loss, they slowly gained the pounds back, and many reported feeling hungrier and being more preoccupied with food than before.
The dieters experienced significant biological changes as well:
“…a gastric hormone called ghrelin, often dubbed the ‘hunger hormone’ was about 20 percent higher than at the start of the study. Another hormone associated with suppressing hunger, peptide YY, was also abnormally low. Levels of leptin, a hormone that suppresses hunger and increases metabolism, also remained lower than expected. A cocktail of other hormones associated with hunger and metabolism all remained significantly changed compared to pre-dieting levels. It was almost as if weight loss had put their bodies into a unique metabolic state, a sort of post-dieting syndrome that set them apart from people who hadn’t tried to lose weight in the first place.”
What seemed odd to me is the diet these poor people embraced to lose those 30 pounds was only around 500 calories a day. Of course, their bodies felt starved. Of course, they couldn’t maintain that kind of restrictive meal plan (they weren’t asked to maintain it and while it might make sense that they wouldn’t gain weight if they were simply burning the same amount of calories as they were taking in, other factors were clearly at play).
I’ve never been obese. I understand there are some very real physical and oftentimes emotional obstacles to overcome, and genetics can play a big role in how much weight we carry. The article delves into genetic factors as well and shares a study that involved twins embracing an “experimental binge,” and discovering that the weight gain varied widely among the participants, suggesting a sort of “biological determinism” that “can make a person susceptible to weight gain or weight loss. However, I also didn’t understand why the author and researchers purported it to be so surprising that participants gained their weight back and appeared to have altered their metabolisms and hormone levels even a year after the low calorie eating plan. I don’t care how much weight a person has to lose; limiting someone to 500 calories – many consumed as liquids – is no way to set him or her up for long-term weight loss success. Nor does it seem overly shocking to me that such a restrictive plan would mess with the body on a physical level.
To be fair, the article later mentions that researchers are conducting a study using slower weight-loss to see if this is more sustainable; however, a quote from the article points out that “…the pace of weight loss is unlikely to make a difference, because the body’s warning system is based solely on how much fat a person loses, not how quickly he or she loses it.”The pace isn’t what concerns me so much as the extreme deprivation. On the other hand, as the author concludes in the last paragraph, it might be “somewhat liberating to learn there are factors other than [your] character at work when it comes to gaining and losing weight.” This is something I passionately believe. We have to separate our self-worth from our ability to lose weight.
I’m not a nutritionist or scientist. Much of what I believe is based on anecdotal truths I’ve mined in my own journey from having an eating disorder and struggling with how to eat the right amount. I’ve said it before, but I’ll keep repeating myself: Until we learn to eat real food, to listen to our bodies’ physical cues, to heal emotional wounds of the past that might be causing us to reach for more food than we need, and turn to God to satisfy our hunger pangs, to stop expressing our despair in food binges or extreme diets, we’re going to keep struggling, losing and gaining those same pounds over and over again.
Just some food for thought for you as we begin to look forward to a hopeful and healthful 2012.
I’ll be back with more regular posts soon.
