The hate mail continues (and to be fair, so do the letters of support). While I know I’m most likely preaching to the choir and that a lot of you are probably sick and tired about hearing about this, I’ve got to get a few things off my chest. Uh-oh. I’ve just slapped lesson number one in the face.
- Be careful when using humor to discuss touchy subjects. I had no idea people would take my article’s sometimes humorous, conversational tone (especially my intro) and turn it into proof that I was a selfish, vain, narcissistic person. Furthermore, I was surprised that using the term “Big Guy” to refer to God came off as sacrilegious to one commenter. Interestingly, I borrowed the term from my 3-year-old, who happens to see God as we all should – a really cool and loving “Big Guy” who’s always there for us. I am naive because I never realized how seriously people take themselves or what others write.
- Don’t share an article like this and its heap of ensuing judgmental comments with non-believers or anyone who has left the Church because they will use it to their advantage to “prove” what hateful hypocrites we all are. What saddened me far more than the personal attacks against me was to see the following subject of a comment: “So Glad I’m an Agnostic.”
- Capitalize and boldfaced DISCREET when talking about nursing. Otherwise, people will assume you are an exhibitionist who unabashedly “whips out [her] boob” whenever the opportunity arises. Apparently, I did not make this point clear enough for some of the readers, even though I used the word “discreetly” and also pointed out in my concluding paragraph that no one other than nursing moms would even be able to tell I was nursing. (I always use my Modest Mum Nursing Cover when necessity requires that I nurse in public.)
- My husband was right (again). When I showed him a few of the negative comments, he told me that I’d probably never be able to change these people’s minds, that they were angry and blind to the truth behind the article. I have had a few emails comparing nursing my baby to having sex during Mass. I have tried to explain, with charity, to these emailers that there is a big difference between strutting around half-naked and engaging in sex at Mass (or anywhere public) and nursing a child. Sex is inherently not a sinful act. It’s a beautiful, God-given gift with the purpose of creating new life and bringing a husband and wife together physically, emotionally, and spiritually. However, it’s also an act that we must avoid in certain situations (obviously Mass being one of them) by cultivating the virtue of chastity and by exercising self-control. Likewise, it’s unfortunately an act that can easily be perverted when people become slaves to their passions or violate another person’s sexuality/dignity.
Feeding a baby, on the other hand, cannot be (unless onlookers make it one) a shameful, perverted act between a mother and a child. What’s more, a baby can’t be expected to control her “impulse” to eat. Nor is a mom who nurses a hungry baby acting on any impure or lustful thoughts. She’s responding to the needs of her baby and giving her nourishment and comfort.
And for the individual who compared natural nursing to flatulence and other bodily functions, I have to ask, “Would you be angry if a baby mistakenly passed gas at Mass?” Yes, it would be a distraction, but it’s not an intentional, evil act. Infants are unable to control their bodily functions or their hunger.
Despite my attempts to explain, no one has returned my emails. My husband rests his case.
- Expect some backlash when you quote Christopher West. I’ve had a quite a few people question me simply because I quoted Christopher West. One person attacked my credibility by saying it’s no wonder I quoted West since he makes everything about sex. Huh? The whole point is nursing is NOT about sex unless that’s what you make it about.
- Keep a sense of humor when you’re being ridiculed. This might seem to conflict with point number one, but I’ve had to just laugh at some of the hurtful comments hurled at me. If I am the selfish spawn of Satan because I want to welcome all the little ones God gives me and bring them to his Church, then so be it. Chuckle. Chuckle.
- Christ is my everything. Okay, I already knew that, but it’s being driven home every time another person accuses me of being “evil,” “lustful,” or “a shallow, self-absorbed, stupid and silly woman.” Again, I am naive because I never expected that writing such an article would serve as a means of deepening my love for Christ and his sacrifice for me, but it has. See, I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life. Sure, some bullies on the school bus teased me. I got dumped…twice. I didn’t land the starring role even once on the high school stage. I’ve even had someone tell me I’m going to hell because I’m Catholic, but other than that, I’ve never had anyone direct any personal attacks at me. Until now. Although these verbal scourges pale in comparison to what Christ endured for all of us, somehow I can better appreciate his quiet suffering, his dignity, and the kindness and forgiveness he continued to pour out even to those who drove the nails deep into his hands.
I love you, Jesus. Please help me to be more like you in every way.
“For from him and through him and for him are all things.” (Romans 11:36).
I found your article and resulting discussion via a friend’s blog who linked to it.
I have so many things I could say about the issue. But, I’ll just say this- thanks. It was an interesting article. It was well-written, and I am so sorry you bore the brunt of a lot of criticism, but I actually learned a lot from the comments. I think my head was in the sand about this. I guess I thought it was a non-issue and assumed that breastfeeding my babies in mass was not something controversial. It has inspired me to learn more. I think I will curl up in bed tonight with a good book (perhaps, “Good News about Sex and Marriage!) and nurse my baby. ;)
Hang in there fellow nursing mom! Maybe we’ll see each other at the mall tomorrow breastfeeding our babies. Of course, being DISCREET, we wouldn’t even know it. God bless you.
Hi Kate,
Wow, I just read your article and the ensuing barrage of comments, many of which were just crazy hostile. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve always felt that Mass was the one place to easily breastfeed because it seems like such a Catholic thing to do, as in all the famous paintings of Mary breastfeeding. Of course, I am DISCREET, as well. :) I mean, sheesh, sometimes that is the only thing that will comfort a baby, nevermind the fact that they need to eat when they need to eat.
I enjoyed your article, by the way, and yes, I even “got” the humor.
Boy, I get way more distracted by scandalous clothing in Mass than I do by a woman breastfeeding, especially if she is discreet which most women are. In fact, a breastfeeding woman in Mass will make me think of Mary, which makes me think of Jesus. :)
Anyway, keep your chin up!
Janet
Kate,
Just spoke to my (Catholic) husband about this. He is shocked and hurt that his fellow Catholics would react with such obvious hate and ignorance. He wanted me to let you know that he thinks that breastfeeding during Mass should be understood in context- obviously you don’t go to mass specifically to breastfeed or to be an exhibitionist, but that it is a necessary outcome of being a breastfeeding mom. He says that he, for one, is behind you all the way, as a fellow Catholic and a father. I’ve commented on this before, so I’ll just add my agreement. Don’t let up and don’t back down…and do it all in love, as you have always done. Our best to you.
Kate,
My thoughts, prayers, and support are with you as you endure these nasty comments.
Kate – I fully support everything you wrote in your article and the ensuing blog posts (found the article yesterday on Spirit Daily). You’ve even inspired me to write about it myself.
Keep loving your babies. How could you go wrong when you’re doing that?
There is always someone that is going to have negative comments about things. Prayers to you and I love everything you write. It speaks to me! *hugs* As hard as it is to just let those comments roll of your back… do! God speaks through you in an amazing way. =)
There’s really not much more I can add in regards to support for your article. You’ve already gotten a lot of that, but I wanted to personally say I’m sorry for all the heat you’ve gotten on this, and am still pretty perplexed as to why in the world this is such an issue with people in the negative aspect. It boggles the mind, honestly. I loved your article and was very moved by it. I have nursed my last two children only (I have four) and am currently nursing my 18 month old (I blogged about your recent article). Just wanted to say hang in there, don’t let those Mr. Cranky Pants people get you down, and know that you are a wonderful example of patience and of motherhood. :-) God Bless.
I found you through a link, too.
I nurse my babies at Mass. I just don’t think anyone noticed it, except one (other nursing) mom who said she was GLAD to see it, she didn’t feel so odd!
Babies belong in Mass.
Pray for those who struggle so with lustful thoughts that anything causes them to be led astray!
Kate, I have to tell you that last night after I read your article I was so upset, I cried while I told my husband about the comments you received. I was so overwhelmed with what I have to call “righteous anger.”
Just now, reading your post, I felt a rush of pain again. I am so sorry that you have been attacked. It is so puzzling to me when people react with such malice!
I have told you before that I feel you and I have much in common. If that’s as true as I think it is, I know you are really suffering right now. I’m so glad this is bringing you closer to Our Lord, though. You’ve got it right there.
Still praying for you and thankful for the generous gifts God has blessed you with!
On Sunday at Mass I watched a woman rushing out with a tiny wailing baby, looking very uncomfortable, and I just wanted to reach over and say, “It’s okay. Babies are welcome here. Everybody knows that babies wail sometimes.” I was remembering how uptight I was with my first about his inability to be perfectly silent in Mass at all times, and wishing I had been able to relax more and enjoy bringing my little one to the Lord.
So I was astonished, just floored, by some of the responses to your article. Babies are supposed to be able to control themselves! Who knew? Why, if I just planned better, I’d never need to nurse a tiny baby during Mass.
Thanks for writing your article. I posted a couple of months ago about breastfeeding in Mass, and I’m relieved that some of those Inside Catholic readers didn’t stumble across my blog — I can’t believe the vitriol, masquerading as a call to propriety. It still boggles my mind, some of the things people said about your essay.
The pictures of your nursing baby are darling!