Okay, so I was pretty much set on not finding out the baby’s sex this pregnancy (we found out with both the girls ahead of time) and letting it be a big surprise on D-day. Now I’m having second thoughts. Remember, I’m an anal planner. Also, Madeline’s pining for a boy. She knows God decides. She recently said she wanted a girl dog, “but God decides. Oh well.” I had to explain that we had more choices when it comes to pets and that we could decide on the sex of our future dog.
Then there’s this idea. We’d be finding out the baby’s sex in December, and I thought I could ask the ultrasound technician to write the baby’s gender on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. Then we could open it together as a family on Christmas Eve (Daddy has to work Christmas Day). What a memorable and meaningful Christmas gift! Or, we could find out ahead of time but keep it a secret and wrap up either “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” on a sheet of paper for the grandparents. Wouldn’t that be fun?
But it would be fun to not know as well, to make that final push during labor and to then hear the big announcement, “It’s a…” just before my baby boy or girl placed in my arms.
Some have told me I should find out ahead just in case it’s another girl, but I can honestly say that I have no real preference. Sure, it would be nice to raise girls and boys, but we certainly weren’t trying for that baby boy. (We weren’t trying at all. Rae’s five-day nursing strike resulted in this surprise pregnancy.) Likewise, Dave has said having a house full of girls would be wonderful…until dating season comes around. He admits that might be a tad stressful. And he has jokingly mentioned that we should start saving for the weddings now.
So perhaps this is a good reason to not find out: To really “prove” we’d be happy with two more X chromosomes in the house.
The reason I’m rambling on about all of this is because I’d love to hear from all of you on what you think. I’ve even included a poll on whether we should find out or not (look to the right and scroll down a bit). Not that I’ll necessarily abide by the results, but it would be fun to see others’ opinion on the matter.
So, go on. Cast your vote. Should we find out Baby Wicker’s (or Sparky as one of my friends has nicknamed him or her) sex ahead of time, or should we wait and be surprised in April?
A surprise is sooo cool…
I’m with Pax. April surprises are the BEST (baby boy born 4/24/08).
Well, you can enjoy the surprise on ultrasound day(or “reveal day”) or Sparky’s birthday, and either way will be special.
Of course there is the consideration that ultrasounds are not always accurate indicators of baby’s sex. I have heard MANY stories from moms who were repainting pink nurseries.
I didn’t know the sex of my first two (girls) and knew all my boys were boys. (The ultrasounds were very clear.) We were pretty sure Celeste was a girl, but the tech was not certain. After four boys, I admit I really wanted a little girl. I would have been a bit disappointed with another boy. I’m honest, here! I was a bit disappointed when I found out number six was a boy, in fact! But by the time he was born, of course I had adjusted to the fact. (And he is the perfect boy for our family.)
I think I would find out, but mainly because I am so impatient. More virtuous to wait? Maybe. Maybe not.
Rachel is due in May and she is anxious to find out. But I do remember the excitement of hearing the words in the delivery room…
I’m not much help, am I? Bottom line — I’d find out ahead of time.
We had our ultrasound tech write down the sex of #4 on a slip of paper, sealed it in an envelope, and opened it on Christmas morning. That was the biggest treat ever, the idea of my wonderful husband.
Hi Kate,
I think either way is great! We found out every time because I figured I would probably see anyway, since I did sonos myself.
I wanted to say congrats on the pregnancy! How exciting! I have been internetless for 2 whole months. Oh, the agony. Now, I can’t figure out what to do first- like a kid in a candy store!
Janet
I love the Christmas envelope idea! You have to find out just to do that! Either open it yourselves or do it for the grandparents. Or both!
I like the Christmas envelope idea. We’ve found out with all of ours so far. I love knowing for us and for our kids. I hate calling a baby, “it.” I like calling him/her by his/her name as soon as possible. I’m 8 weeks pregnant with #5 (I hate calling “it” a number, too!), and my kids constantly ask how long it will be before we find out.
Definitely find out. I knew with all of mine and I loved calling them by their names when they were still growing inside me. It’s still a surprise when they come out and you see their precious face for the first time. I love the Christmas idea!!
Ooh, I’m a huge fan of not finding out ahead of time … we have three boys, and I always felt, like you wondered, that by not finding out with #2 and #3 we were really proving that we didn’t care one way or the other (because of course we got “are you hoping for a girl?” alllll the time!).
That said, I’m kind of loving the Christmas idea …
I wanted to know with 3. With one (#5), I did not want to know, but she told me before I told her not to.
My second child and my last child were “unknowns.” I loved playing the guessing game. With ALL of my children I was “positive” I guessed the gender correctly (with 4, I found out that I was right in advance). I DID guess my #2 correctly, but I was certain that my Mary was a boy. That really was a surprise!
Practically speaking, I have found it extremely difficult over the last few years to find gender-neutral clothing. When getting ready for a new baby, and washing all those tiny pajamas in Dreft, I had to have both boy and girl clothes handy. It’s a bit more work, and you now have two little ones to muck it all up as you sort! I do love the surprise, but I did not enjoy having to go back into the infant clothing bin post partum to pull out the girl’s clothes I was sure I would not need.
Surprises are fun, and I recommend them, as long as you don’t mind the extra work.
You know, Kate, YOU GUYS are the ones who decide. I was all set with #2 to have it be a surprise, and it was…when the ultrasound tech told us. :) Bob just couldn’t wait…and it IS a surprise, WHENEVER you find out.
And, knowing how Type A you are, I have to wonder if knowing ahead might not make these months of preparation a little easier for you. That’s an important consideration.
But really, it’s up to YOU GUYS. It will be a fun time of anticipation either way.
Guess I’m not much help… :)
Arwen wrote about this too.http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/147419/33646192
I’m a type-Aer, too…so it’s hard for me to not find out. But it is SO much fun to wait until that last moment to find out. (We found out with T, but not E.) I have to admit that there have been several times this go round that I wish I’d found out…especially when trying where to put people in the new house and what colors to paint, etc. But I just love the surprize at the end. It gives me more room to dream about him or her..that’s my favorite part of pregnancy anyway!
This is such a personal decision!
Everyone is different.
We did not find out with any of our kids because as grown ups, this is the last big good surprise we can get. God Bless and Congratulations!
I’m a big fan of not finding out. We didn’t find out with any of our three. With my first it was b/c I wanted unisex newborn clothes, and I knew I’d get all pink or blue if I knew the sex. My husband was the one who announced to me that it was a girl in the delivery room, and that wonderful memory encouraged me to wait with the second as well. Besides that we had a unisex nursery, clothes, and everything else. However, with the third I wasn’t so sure. I wondered if you bonded better with the baby if he/she had a name and you knew what you were getting into. When we were discussing it one night, my husband revealed that being the one to tell me were two of the most precious moments of his life (okay he didn’t say “precious,” but that’s what he meant!), and that sealed the deal for me. I get to carry the babies and feel them and think about them constantly when they are growing inside me and I didn’t feel like I could take that first hands-on fatherly experience away from him. On top of that, I have to admit that I love to drive others crazy by not finding out!
On a different note, I thought Sarah’s advice is something to seriously consider. If you think not knowing is going to cause anxiety rather than excitement, you might want to go ahead and find out. But then, it could also be an opportunity to practice letting go of unnecessary stress.
I know you’ll be agonizing over this for the next 8 weeks or so, so I’ll keep you in my prayers! Good luck with your decision!
I am so glad that we didn’t find out with my daughter. That one moment after I pushed her out and heard “It’s a girl” was one of the most rewarding moments of my entire life! As far as clothes, decorating, etc. goes, it didn’t really matter. At 6 months, she is still sleeping with us, we could very easily have waited to decorate her nursery. If it’s a girl, you’ll already have the other girl’s clothes to use, if it’s a boy, send your hubby to the store right after he’s born! Good luck with your decision! :)
Surprise! How many times in your life are you surprised like you are after 9 months of waiting and wondering? I’ll never forget holding my just born baby and turning her over to discover we had a little girl!
Find out, Kate! I like knowing, because I like “talking” to the baby in a more personal way – it makes a difference whether it is a boy or a girl… I just cannot imagine myself dealing with nine months of not knowing who I am talking to. Plus, I think most mothers end up convincing themselves one way or the other, anyway – maybe exactly because we need a face before our eyes and can’t carry on an intimate conversation with a sexless baby…
I also agree that babies are a big surprise the moment they are born no matter what, even if you know the sex already.
So, I’d say, go ahead with your little surprise on Christmas Eve – it will be so appropriate!
I must say, as a pro-life Catholic mom, I don’t understand all this urge to “prove” that we don’t care what the baby’s sex is and that we’re not “trying” for a boy or a girl… We don’t have to prove anything to anybody. I don’t want to offend anybody or fall for the same mistake, but there is a little misplaced pride in publicly saying: Look how virtuous I am, I don’t care whether I have a boy or a girl – I just care for life.
Of course we do – we’re not Communist Chinese who abort baby girls. We don’t despise boys or girls. As Kate’s Madeline wisely said – babies are never disappointments.
What’s wrong with a mother wishing for a boy when she only has girls, or vice versa? Nothing – it’s just a mother’s wish. I always says that every mother should have a little girl and every father should have a little boy – because there are unique things we can do and unique conversations we can carry on with a boy or a girl. What’s wrong with feeling this way? It’s not the same thing as advocating gender selection, but it seems some people cannot make the distinction.
Of course, strangers should refrain from asking a silly question like: Were you trying for a boy/girl? This is nobody’s business. But I think it’s only normal and natural for parents to imagine things about their future babies, so I don’t understand all this coldness about just wanting a “baby”, as if it was possible to separate a baby from the person he actually is since the very beginning – a girl or a boy.