Over this past summer, I had the amazing privilege of personally corresponding with Sheila Kippley, a renowned breastfeeding and natural family planning advocate and co-founder of NFP International.
A few months back she sent me The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding: The Frequency Factor, her latest book to hit the shelves, and it’s about time I gave it as well as ecological breastfeeding some attention here.
Back in July I wrote what I’d assumed was an innocuous article about how I overcame my misgivings about nursing at Mass for Inside Catholic. I was not prepared for the barrage of dissenting comments about nursing as well as some of the negativity expressed about the presence of babies and kids at Mass in general that my article provoked.
Many thoughts rifled through my mind as I read some of the accusatory remarks calling me selfish and comparing nursing a baby at Mass to engaging in sexual acts in public. (I know. That one really blew me away, too.)
However, one thought that has really stuck with me is how not one naysayer referenced my mention of using ecological breastfeeding (EBF) as a part of natural family planning. (Surprisingly, only a handful of my supporters who personally emailed me acknowledged this point either.)
In fact, I realized that even many ardent advocates of nursing moms – Catholic or otherwise – who understand that babies need to be fed on demand don’t really know much about EBF. Nor do many women who practice NFP.
I used to be no different. Honestly, I didn’t have a clue about EBF, which in a nutshell means nursing your baby for nourishment as well as comfort without restriction, or how it encourages natural child spacing even as I was practicing it.
In fact, the only reason I discovered a name for this method of breastfeeding is because I went to see my certified nurse midwife, who also happens to be Catholic, after I was having trouble conceiving baby number two.
I arrived at her office armed with my spiffy NFP charts.
She took one look at my charting and said, “You’re still nursing, aren’t you?”
I was, I told her.
She proceeded to tell me that this was the explanation behind my infertility. She also went on to say that a lot of American women think they’re feeding on demand and without restriction, but they’re really not.
As Kippley explains it, many Westerners practice what’s known as cultural breastfeeding. Moms breastfeed for nutrition, but they “may not be satisfying [their] child’s other needs for comfort and bonding at the breast.”
Cultural breastfeeding does not have much of an effect on postpartum infertility; EBF does. (Now, of course, there are exceptions to every rule and even some women who fully embrace EBF may see an early return of their fertility, but this is not the norm.)
In my midwife’s home country of South Africa almost all mothers practice EBF (without even giving it a fancy name – it’s just what they do) and if they get pregnant in the early postpartum period, my midwife calls it a miracle.
I, like those South African women, didn’t know I was an EBF mom until my midwife told me I was. I just believed in feeding my baby on demand. I didn’t personally see it as natural (or easy despite what some of my mom friends claimed) to make babies (or moms) conform to a rigid feeding schedule. On the contrary, I found it required less effort (not to mention stress) to feed her when she was hungry and to respond to her cues before she started wailing.
I didn’t use a pacifier with my first child, and I often took naps with her. I nursed her frequently – when she was hungry, bored, frustrated, hurting – and I wasn’t planning on weaning her until she was ready. (I did end up gently weaning her at 22 months, so I could conceive baby number two.)
Now before I go any further, the purpose of this post is not to bash other moms’ parenting styles, to pile on the guilt, or to put my own personal mothering style on a pedestal. This is just what has worked for my children and me in our journey together. How I or any woman mothers her child is not up for debate. Nor am I suggesting that I’m somehow a superior mom or a better Catholic NFPer because I EBF.
What I am trying to do is to make people more aware of the benefits of EBF. And there are many.
To name a few:
- EBF naturally spaces babies approximately two years apart on average. The hallmarks of EBF are frequent and unrestricted nursing, which leads to natural lactation amenorrhea, or the absence of menstruation due to breastfeeding, and infertility in most women. My first two children are two and a half years apart. My second child and third (due in April) will be about 22 months apart. (NOTE: I became pregnant shortly after my second daughter had a five-day nursing strike. I had only one cycle and viola! I conceived.)
- EBF promotes healthy moms and babies. Generally, EBF moms and babies nurse more frequently and for a longer period of time, which allows them to maximize some of the health benefits of breastfeeding. I’m not going to expound on all the merits of breastfeeding in this post, but if you’re interested, check out some of the benefits La Leche League International outlines here.
- EBF often reveals that “nature knows best.” As Kippley writes in her book’s foreword:
“One of the things I have always liked best about the way breastfeeding spaces babies is that it is responsive to the needs of an individual baby. If you have a high need baby, who nurses frequently around the clock well into toddlerhood, you’ll probably find your fertility takes longer to return. That means this child has more time to receive the focused attention he or she needs.”
I couldn’t agree more with this. As I previously mentioned, I was frustrated when I couldn’t get pregnant sooner with my second child even after my cycle had returned. I’d always planned on having my kids closer together.
But God had a different and better plan.
My firstborn has never been a sleeper (she’s 4 now and was up at 2 AM last night; she still doesn’t always get the whole “sleeping through the night” idea). She was one of those babies who nursed constantly. Even as a preschooler, she still occasionally asks about nursing – more out of curiosity, I think, but she’s always been attached to me. Mom (and now sometimes Daddy or a grandparent) serve as her lovey. In other words, she demanded my full presence for a long time and having another baby too soon would have been very tough on the both of us. Truth is, I remember being very thankful my kids were 2 1/2 years apart after I had my second child. It worked out beautifully.
My second little one is still nursing occasionally, but she’s never nursed as much as her big sister, and she’s a sleeper (thanks be to God!). Breastfeeding has always been more about nutrition than comfort for her, and we did end up giving her pacifier to help with reflux. She also doesn’t co-sleep with us (although she did as an infant). We’ve tried to bring her in bed and she either starts playing or crying to go “night-night” in her crib. She has an elephant stuffed animal that’s her lovey. She’s not nearly as high need as her big sister, so again, my third pregnancy was perfectly planned by God. We thought we’d start “trying” for baby number three a few months after he or she was conceived. I realize that even though this baby was a surprise, it is meant to be and was tied into my current baby and my nursing habits (the nursing strike, as I mentioned, appeared to have kicked my fertility into gear).
I suppose all of this supports why my midwife prefers to call NFP God Family Planning.
- EBF is far more than just a “green” and natural form of mothering. In fact, for Catholics practicing NFP EBF allows couples to not have to brood over “just reasons” for avoiding a pregnancy. For those of you unfamiliar with Church teachings, the Catechism explains that,
“For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood.” (CCC 2368)
What’s beautiful about EBF is that as a mom, I take care of the baby that’s in arms now, responding to her needs, nursing her when she’s cranky, hungry, or just in need of some mommy time and in doing so, I naturally suppress my ovulation and organically space my children.
- EBF also beautifully complements Pope John Paul II’s teachings on the Theology of the Body. When we breastfeed our babies on demand and fulfill their needs for frequent sucking, we are acting according to natural law; we are cooperating with the way God made us. That’s what “natural” mothering really boils down to: Acting according to the nature God created us and created our babies.
Now, some will argue that following the seven standards of EBF (outlined below) does not come naturally to mothers. And they may not in today’s society – just as natural childbirth or healthy eating are not as “easy” as they once were. For instance, we have a healthcare system, telling us birth is scary and medical interventions are necessary to keep mom and baby healthy (and sometimes they are, but more often the case, birth is not pathological, and a woman and her baby would be much better off if she was taught to trust her body and the labor process rather than fear it). As for wholesome noshing, our access to processed and convenience foods means we often opt for unhealthier choices simply because they are what’s on hand.
So if EBF does not come naturally to women, it’s not because it’s not innate; it’s because society has made it that way, and we need to do a better job of supporting moms in their roles as nurturers.
I’ll get off my mom soapbox now.
Perhaps you’re sold on EBF or you’re at least interested in learning more about how it works. This is where Kippley’s wonderful little handbook comes in.
Her book not only discussed ecological breastfeeding, how it is done and how it’s used to space babies, but it also touches upon the benefits of natural mothering.
The book outlines the seven standards of EBF and offers tips on how to apply them in your mothering life.
The seven standards include:
1. Breastfeed exclusively for the first six months of life; don’t use other liquids and solids, not even water.
2. Pacify or comfort your baby at your breast.
3. Don’t use pacifiers or bottles.
4. Sleep with your baby for night feedings.
5. Sleep with your baby for a daily-nap feeding.
6. Nurse frequently day and night, and avoid schedules.
7. Avoid any practice that restricts nursing or separates you from your baby.
Again, I have to reemphasize that embracing EBF does not automatically make a woman a better mom. Moms can bond with the babies whether they breastfeed or not. Similarly, even the most committed breastfeeding moms may not follow all of the standards of EBF, and they will still forge a strong and healthy bond with their babies.
However, following these guidelines becomes more important if a woman is interested in the breastfeeding infertility that is achieved through EBF.
I do see EBF as a very natural form of mothering, partly because I just ended up spontaneously practicing it without even knowing what it even was initially. Thus, I have to assume there’s something instinctive about it. I admittedly didn’t follow all of the “standards” with my second child. And that’s okay. I still feel I met her needs (at least most of the time!).
One of the toughest standards for me to embrace is the daytime nap-feeding. The Type A in me has a hard time going down for a siesta, even when my body’s screaming at me to take a load off. Sleep when the baby sleeps? Ha! Not me. Nap time is when Mommy kicks into high gear and gets things done. Yet I’ve found that when I do allow myself to take a break and to snooze with my little one(s), we’re all better off. Sometimes “getting things done” involves cuddling with your baby and relaxing.
My resistance to napping aside, EBF has been rewarding and relatively easy for me. Yet, all moms have an upper limit to their martyrdom. What I’m saying is that there have, of course, been times when nursing on demand and without restriction can be tough. The truth is, whether you nurse or not, whether you adopt or give birth to your children, the call to parenthood is not always easy to answer.
I can remember being absolutely exhausted with my first who wanted to nurse endlessly through the night. But it’s during my toughest mothering moments that I remind myself why the Catholic Church portrays the virtue of charity as a mother nursing her child. Breastfeeding, and mothering in general, involves a total gift of self. And that, even though it’s sometimes far from easy, is a beautiful, sanctifying thing.
To purchase The Seven Standard of Ecological Breastfeeding: The Frequency Factor and to learn about Sheila Kippley’s other books, please visit the books page at NFP International.
Great post! I loved “discovering” the name for the type of nursing I practiced, too! We also do NFP and our first two are 2 years apart almost exactly, then 4 years, then 20 months. Never knew it was EBF, just did what felt right!
I’m a long-time reader, first-time poster. :) I’m pregnant with our first, who was conceived on NFP. I am very interested in practicing EBF and read about it in my textbook from our CCL classes.
My concern is the co-sleeping and the possibility of SIDS. It seems to be a hot topic and one of the main things they tell you to do is to not put lots of pillows or toys or blankets in the crib with the baby. But obviously if you’re co-sleeping, there will be those things.
Do you have any thoughts on reconciling these two issues? My mother had 5 children, all who co-slept at least part of the night through infancy. There were never any problems, but this is something I’m having a hard time figuring out.
Also, we only have a full sized bed and there’s no way we can get a larger one right now. Might that make things particularly difficult?
Thanks!!
Hi! I love your blog and this is my first time posting. I am part of that rare group that has fertility return, no matter what they do. Yes, I did follow all of the 7 standards of ECB properly. After the birth of my 3rd child (16 months after the birth of the second) I was still nursing the toddler. I tandem nursed on demand at any time of day or night and my period returned at 3 months post partum. I work closely with my NFP teacher who is wonderful. I share this only because it is deeply challenging to live this way and then have people suggest that if only you were less selfish, you would have a break between kids. I realize this is me projecting my personal situation onto this post which was written very humbly and respectfully. I just want women out there to know that you can practice ECB, truly practice it, and pour yourself out for your family, and it still may not be enough. I don’t share this to discredit this post because I know that ECB absolutely works for many many women and God’s plan in this is so beautiful. I just want women out there for whom it does not work despite their total self donation, to know that there is nothing wrong with them and they are not failures. Thank you Kate for this post. God’s plan is a beautiful thing, thank you for getting the word out about it.
Kate — nice post. I railed against the term “cultural breastfeeder” for a while, because of the negative connotation I felt it was given in the CCL/Kipley materials, and the fact that I felt I nursed on demand, but I didn’t follow the EBF rules, so according to the definition of cultural breastfeeding given here, I guess that’s what I do. I do think it’s a great thing for NFP-ers to learn about, though, as many might prefer extended nursing on demand to periodic abstinence!
carriede — I know your question was for Kate, but I had a thought that might be helpful re: co-sleeping … I do so with my kids until they sleep well in the cradle by our bed (which for us has been the first month or so after birth), and the way I do it is to prop myself up half-sitting, with the baby in my arms and pillows under my arms in such a way that I can’t move while I’m sleeping and the baby can’t either. It’s not so great for my sleep, but at least it’s sleep! Which is all I care about in those early days! I also know a couple who invested in a recliner chair just for the mom and newborn to sleep together without worrying about the baby actually laying on the bed next to them. Also, the size bed wouldn’t matter if you slept this way, with the baby in your arms.
Sorry — one more thing! Kate — how do you lay down with the baby for a daily nap when you have more than one child??!! I did this every day with my oldest until the second came, when my oldest was 22 months old. My husband was home for a month after my third was born, so I did it then too. But other than that, I don’t see how that’s possible!
Wonderful post – thank you so much!
It IS a wonderful book and in so many ways the practice of ecological breastfeeding really helps mothers surrender and ENJOY their babies so much more.
I wanted to post a link in reply to Carriede’s question about SIDS and co-sleeping – here is a very informative article about the safety from a new study:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/3501035/Sharing-a-bed-with-a-baby-does-not-increase-risk-of-cot-death-research-shows.html
Sharing a bed with a baby does not increase the risk of cot death, says study that could change the way infants are cared for.
I recommend all parents read that – also a good book by James McKenna (from Notre Dame), called Sleeping With Your Baby for reliable information.
In fact, when you co-sleep safely, you do NOT have lots of toys, pillows or blankets near the baby – you sleep on a firm surface, with no gaps between the mattress and the wall. There is a clear space – with the pillows up by the mom’s head and the blankets around her waist – many moms use a heavy flannel pajama shirt that buttons to open (and unbutton from the bottom for an opening, but remaining modest) – I use a flannel nightgown with elastic around the neckline that I can just pull down to expose the one breast while feeding and then pull up again – ordered from Lillies of the Field modest clothing line (google it). Anyway, the blankes are at mom’s waist, the pillows blocked by mom’s curled arm around the pillow, and mom’s top is kept warm from the pajama top – the mom’s body naturally curls around the baby (even in her sleep, if she is a breastfeeding mother, according to the research), and the baby is in a protective spot AWAY from pillows blankets and toys. Bed should be firm, no water bed, and no one should be impaired by alcohol,drugs or even cold medicine, etc. Baby should not be overdressed to be too hot and should sleep on his back (after nursing on his side).
Here is a link with reliable comprehensive info on safe sleeping:
http://www.backtosleepforlife.ca/
Kate – I appreciate your tremendous advocacy for breastfeeding, especially ecological breastfeeding, which is actually just the human biological norm for mother-infant connection in the early years. (It is admittedly made much harder for moms in our society by our culture in so many ways, and that means that it is definitely NOT something to induce guilt in moms who can’t or don’t want to practice it.)
May I go further and plug the Catholic Nursing Mothers League (http://www.catholicbreastfeeding.org) as one organization that is trying to get on its feet to help offer emotional and community support to Catholic moms who want to practice EBF? Thanks!
Hi everyone. Thanks for the great discussion.
Carriede, congrats on your pregnancy!!! Per your co-sleeping question, I used an Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper with my second and will do the same with baby number 3. With my first we kept a mattress on the floor with very little covers, etc. Also, you always hear about the baby who suffocated co-sleeping (the media is quick to highlight these tragedies), but there are far more SIDS cases in cribs. Dr. James McKenna of Notre Dame has done extensive research on co-sleeping and wrote a book as well. Here’s his site: http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/
All that said, I couldn’t co-sleep much with my second. Her reflux gurgles very noisy and kept me up all night. (She also used a paci.) I’ve learned you have to figure out what works best for each child and then to ditch the guilt if you don’t live up to your own (or others’) expectations. (I find I’m far harder on myself than others are on me.) I’ve said this many times (including on this blog) that there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all when it comes to good parenting. All kids really need is love and how you go about expressing that might vary from mom to mom and child to child.
Nellakat, I’m so glad you posted a comment. I have another friend who experiences an early return to fertility just like you. It’s nothing she does or doesn’t do. That’s the way her body is made, and she happens to be one of the most unselfish women/moms I know. Kudos to you for breastfeeding on demand even when it means you get your cycle back so quickly (I have some selfish reasons for EBFing!). :)
Kate, I only have two kiddos right now and I’m really bad about resting during naptime (only one child naps anyway). However, my older child who never was a napper has to have quiet time (i.e., quiet playtime such as coloring, etc.) for at least an hour or so each day. In those early days with my second, I’d rest with my baby if I needed a nap.
Like I said in my post, this is one standard that’s really tough for me to follow for various reasons, but I still think it’s a good one and that I’d be better off if I did rest a bit every day. Now that I’m pregnant and still sick most days at 23 weeks I really find I need some down time, even if I can’t sleep. Thus, I put my younger child down, who happens to be a great napper, and my older child has the option of either resting with me (she rarely falls asleep) OR playing quietly. It doesn’t always work, but we try! :) Hope this helps. Kippley talks about solutions to this question in her book.
EBF is a blessing IF it works out for your family, and I so appreciate all of your comments. God bless you all in your mothering journeys!
-Kate
Pam, I posted my comment before yours had appeared. Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and for dropping by my blog.
God bless!
Thank you for your thoughtful post! I accidentally discovered ecobf, too, when my first two came 3yr2mo apart with nothing other than (very) frequent nursing. All four have been spaced 2.5-3.5yrs so far and has really served us well (recognizing that God may have a different will for different mother/baby pairs).
We cosleep in our regular bed with pillows high, sheets/blanket below baby's waist or lower, and mommy warm in a nursing-friendly top. A guardrail or cosleeping bolster keeps baby in any size bed, including a full or twin (yep, did that at family's house, 2adults+babe in a twin!). They sleep with us until they're ready to leave on their own, which has always happened very easily and naturally between 2.5-3yrs.
Nursing nap: I don't do this (would love the luxury), but baby *does* nurse through *his* nap, every day. While we're homeschooling, paying bills, reading, emailing, sorting mail or laundry, every day I need to sit for a while, and I do those things during baby's nursing nap. He usually nurses for 30-90 minutes for his nursing nap. Sometimes it's in a sling or wrap while I vacuum, etc. A LLL mama would be happy to show you how to nurse while slinging!
Overall, I think that the frequency is the key. Even mothers who follow all 7, if they still are thinking "you want to nurse *again*?!", may not be ecobf'ing. That's okay if that's what they need to do! No guilt! But it's important to realize that a mother who is ecobf'ing may be nursing every hour of the day, even with a 20mo.
It's easy, though – he comes by for 5 min and then leaves, or latches & drops off even while I'm sleeping and I never even realize it. Yes, there are trying times, but that's true with *any* parenting style – you just choose which set of challenges work best for you. :)
Wonderful post. I learned about EBF when my husband and I took NFP before we were married. We fully use EBF and I love it, it’s part of my life and no matter what my beliefs were, etc I would still be a mom that did it. I could get on my soap box about it, but I won’t. However this was a great post, I really like Sheila Kippleys books and look forward to reading this one as well.
God Bless you for posting this.
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