As a parent, I’ve never had to see the inside of an ER, but tonight I found myself longing to be there, holding my little one.
I knew my daughter was safe in Dr. Daddy’s arms. I knew it didn’t make much sense for both of us to journey to the ER and to tote along the baby and a distressed, over tired preschooler with us. I knew my being there and even my embrace could not keep my child from hurting. But, still, I’m her mom and I wanted to be there.
Just after supper Baby Rae, who no longer officially holds the baby title but may forever answer to Baby Rae, had a head-on collision with a Wii remote. (Unfortunately, a child was injured in the making of this blog post.) After hearing a loud THUNK followed by even louder sobbing, I discovered Madeline, wide-eyed and trembling, hovering over her little sister. Then I saw the blood. A lot of blood running down Rae’s face. I didn’t even have time to think. I screamed and ran to her. I saw all that blood, and it was visceral. I just reacted.
It turns out that during a game of Wii bowling, our strike-monger Madeline swung the remote back and accidentally whacked her sister in the head. I’m not sure who was more distraught in the aftermath – the physically wounded child or the emotionally wounded one. Madeline was choking on sobs when she learned her sister had to go to the hospital and that she couldn’t go with her.
When I tucked her in, she told me to be sure to come into her bedroom and to whisper that Baby Rae was okay when she returned from the ER.
“Even if I’m asleep,” Madeline insisted.
After Madeline was conked out and the baby drifted off in the Ergo, I waited. I waited to hold Baby Rae in my arms and to kiss her tears away. When they finally made it back several hours later, Rae was tired but happy and sporting a hot pink Bandaid to cover her new stitches (the first set for our family). I scooped her up and she proudly showed me her boo-boo and the Elmo sticker on her belly. We cuddled for awhile before she asked to go “night-night.” The girl’s never one to skimp on sleep.
I hugged my husband and thought about how differently the night had turned out than we’d planned. The baby and I were supposed to be at a curriculum/social gathering with my homeschool co-op. Dave was supposed to have a quiet night to study after the older girls were asleep. I was supposed to be chatting with mom friends over a glass of wine and nibbling on the chocolate-covered strawberries I’d made earlier in the day.
Dave had even suggested we call his mom to come over, so I could still attend the curriculum night. “I can take Rae to the ER, and Nana can come stay with Madeline.”
“No,” I said. “I want to be here when she gets home.” (And I was thinking soiree or not, I could still eat a few chocolate-covered strawberries, which I did.)
Now that all my girls are sleeping, I’m reliving the night and all its commotion and realizing how that conversation with my husband pretty much sums up a desire I have for my life.
I want to be here at home for my children.
Of course, this is more than a want right now. It’s reality. At this stage of the game, my little ones are always home and considering our plans to homeschool at least for awhile, they’re going to be right here with me for a long time. But I know there will come a day when they’ll be ready to hightail it out of here and when they do, I’ll still want to be here for every one of their homecomings.
My mom once told me that she felt it was even more important for her to be home and available to us when we were older. A lot of her peers started working full-time when their kids started middle school and high school, but she said she felt that just her presence made a big difference during the hormonally challenged teenage years (and we were fortunate enough that my dad was able to support our family with just his income). I’m no expert on raising teenagers (although my preschooler does sometimes exhibit maddening defiance that reminds me somewhat of a spirited teen), but I’m inclined to agree.
When my children are young as they are now, they demand a lot of hands-on parenting. There’s always another diaper to be changed, another song to be sung, another boo-boo to be kissed, another sippy cup to be filled. However, in the not so distant future, my children won’t demand so much direct ministration. Yet, just because a child is old enough to be alone doesn’t mean she should always be left to fend for herself. What my children will always need – even if as teenagers they don’t know it – is my presence, my availability, and an open door policy that says, “I’m here if you need me.”
I’m blessed. I never came home to an empty house as a child or even as a college student. My mom was always there to ask, “How are you?”
Sometimes I delivered a lengthy monologue, dramatically recounting every detail of my day. Other times I said very little. But I always knew that if I had something to say, my mom was there to listen.
I want no different for my children. I won’t always be able to go with them or hold their hand as they venture out on their own. Tonight I could not be the one holding my little girl at the hospital. But I was here waiting for her to return to me with fresh stitches and Popsicle-stained lips.
One day I’ll find myself waiting for my daughter to visit during a college holiday break. Even before those college years, I’ll be waiting for my kids’ homecomings after sleepovers with friends or a weekend with the grandparents’.
I want to be here when my children return home from wherever they’ve been. I want them to know I’ll always (God willing) be around if they need to talk or are simply craving a batch of my homemade cookies or scones. I want to be available if they need someone to help heal their hurts as my toddler needed tonight. I want to be here, waiting where my arms can be a place of peace and rest, and a shelter from injury, doubt, and fear that my children can always, always return to.
I’m SO sorry about the boo boo!!! I’m glad she’s all mended with a colorful band aid. Much love to you ALL for the stress.
You are, will always be, an amazing mom – and you are where you need to be. What a blessing!! Thanks for reminding me of that too….
Much love! God Bless!
Did she have to have stitches? And was the Wii remote jacket cover on?
Great post, Kate. Sorry to hear about Rae, but so very glad it all worked out so well for you.
Thanks for the food for thought today.
Blessings and hugs to you!
Rae had four stitches – the first set for our family! Dave and I have never even had any.
Blessings,
Kate
Oh poor thing :( Love and totally identify with the message.
Kate, I am sorry to say I haven’t been checking out your blog lately, but for some divine reason here i am and here you are talking about the very thing I am in the thros of. My girls are 12 and 14, we have been homeschooling for 7 years and this year it has been rather bumpy with the onset of puberty with raging hormones, three women and one kitchen table, 24/7.
Both announced that they want to go to “formal” school next year, the elder will be entering 9th grade and wants to experience it all. Younger just knows that she hasn’t been the best camper to be around and thinks she needs to be in ps and not driving mom crazy with her mood swings.
I want to be there for them, when they need me, at the homecomings from where ever they have been. I want to be the peace and security they so desparately need at this transitional time in their lives. Protecting them and keeping their hearts pure and open to Jesus has been my plan for them. Now what? is my decision.
Hugs to you…and the Holy Spirit
I couldn’t agree more, I think you perfectly summed up how I feel as a mother. I never came home to an empty house and I will not let my kids I want to always be here for them. Your poor little girls how traumatic for both, I hope they are both recovering!
Beautiful post. I thank my husband often for being willing to work hard so that I have the privilege of staying home with our children. I don’t want to be anywhere else.
Being a stay-at-home Mom is a sacrifice in so many ways – financially, physically, emotionally – but totally worth it every day. I love my husband for so many things, not the least of which is his willingness to do whatever he needs to do to make sure that I can be at home with our kids as long as possible. Glad Rae is on the mend!!!
Kate – You write so beautifully and said what I feel in my heart as a mommy two young girls, 2 and 1! My mom was a stay-at-home mom and its the only thing I’ve ever seen myself doing. I loved her being home when we arrived home from school and I could poor out the good and bad of the day.
Thanks for sharing your gift with us, your dear sisters in Christ, to inspire us, encourage us, and refresh us.
It’s so funny to me that you, a mom in Georgia, almost feels like one of my own friends here in SW Michigan, even though we’ve never met — all through reading your blog!
Before I go, I have to ask about the scones you mentioned in passing at the end of this post. I love scones and love to share recipes. Do you have a favorite?
God bless you!
Anne from Michigan
Waaah! Hope Rae (and older sis) are better! I’ve found that my kids heal alot faster than this ol’ Momma’s heart!
Will pray for a peaceful recovery!
Your post had me in tears. It was beautifully written!
As a Mom of 13 (12 of them boys!)
I know all too well what the inside of an ER looks like. ack! LOL
I wanted to say, PRAISE GOD your wee one is okay and I totally agree with you about BEING HOME! :-)
My 8 year old needed stitches when he lept from the middle of the stairway onto a sharp piece of wood. Still wondering how that sharp piece of wood got there? hmmm
As Murphy’s law would have it, this happened only days after I had returned home from a c-section
I could barely move and the baby was only days old… so Daddy took the little “stuntman” to the ER. It broke my heart to stay behind.
I’m thinking that I might just become a doctor…it sure would save alot of time in the ER! LOL
God bless you and your WONDERFUL blog!
Wendy Cukierski and crew
Kate — I feel the exact same way! And interesting how you mentioned some women going back to work once their kids were older — I know one mom who says her kids need her presence more now that they’re teenagers than they did when they were little (in her opinion). And a cousin of mine worked all through her girls’ childhood, with the determination to save enough so she could stay home when they got to junior high/high school. I’d never heard that perspective before! Thanks for this post!
Love the post, agree completely. I plan to stay home with my kids for as long as they’re kids, and I feel blessed to be able to! It took some sacrifices in the beginning, but I’d rather sacrifice a cell phone and cable than time with the kids!
Thanks for sharing your experience! I’m glad it was only a minor injury. Wii is fun, but there are tons of wii injury stories out there among kids and adults!
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