“So when you get poked in the ribs at 3 a.m., or your little jack-in-the-box pops out of bed for the fifteenth time asking how long ’til his next birthday, or you painstakingly choose and purchase the perfect toddler bed but your child refuses to even sit on it, try to see the joke. When your child is finally sound asleep, stand over the bed and drink in the sweetness of your precious little person. Finally, let love guide you as you solve all your sleep problems, all in good time.”
Elizabeth Pantley in The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers
I’m obsessed with sleep right now, probably because I’m getting very little of it. The baby’s fussy period is from about 9 p.m. to midnight and just recently I’ve faced a few nights where nothing – not nursing, not endless walking and sweet lullabies, and not even desperate prayers – can settle the poor thing (we think reflux may to be blame since she sounds a lot like Darth Vader or a snorting Wilbur – take your pick – as soon as she’s on her back).
To make matters worse, Dave’s work schedule has been heinous, so I’ve felt a lot like a single mom (God bless single parents!). I’ll find myself gently bouncing the baby with silent tears trailing down my face, wondering how I’ll possibly be able to take care of three children operating on little to no sleep. But somehow I do it. Not always all that well, but we get by one way or the other.
I’m not sharing this to complain. It’s just that I recently had a friend encourage me to be honest about my mothering journey. Lately some of my blog posts have been sickeningly sweet (Forever Baby comes immediately to mind. Ugh – sorry to make you, dear reader, endure the conclusion to that post, which totally comes off like a bad Hallmark card, although the sentiments were true). The oozing sentimentality has something to do with the fact that I’m still basking in all those lovely postpartum hormones and really am getting all sappy about my babies growing up and motherhood.
But there’s another reason I’ve been so lovey-dovey: I’m trying to convince myself I’m Super Mom and that adding a newborn to a family when you already have two little kids is no big deal. But it’s time for the cold, hard facts: It is a big deal. Having a baby is always an adjustment no matter how “experienced” you are as a mom. And there’s one killer kind of kryptonite that will knock the wind out of any Super Mom and that’s chronic sleep deprivation.
I saw my own mom this past weekend and as always, she encouraged me. She reminded me that being a mom is the hardest job in the world but that I am – despite how I feel at this moment with my bleary eyes, lead-like limbs, and limited supply of patience and rapidly decreasing brain power (probably another reason for the lousy, overly sentimental writing) – rising up to the challenge.
And, of course, just as Elizabeth Pantley does in the above quote, she reminded me to keep perspective. It’s hard – really hard – to skimp on sleep night after night. But I will get sleep again, and my kids won’t always need me to nurse them or tuck them in or read another story or kiss away their tears after a nightmare. (Here I go again, getting all sappy on you. Tsk, tsk, tsk.) This sleepless phase is just one small, albeit exhausting, part of my mothering life. And I’ll be in REM long enough to dream again “all in good time.”
Kate,
First, congrats on your beautiful baby! New life is always a blessing.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. I find your positive take on motherhood refreshing! The world offers lots of negativity which doesn’t help me any–and really it doesn’t help anyone. So keep reflecting on the joys of motherhood!
I think if someone were to ask you if being a Mom was hard, you wouldn’t lie to them–you would tell them the truth. Yes, sleep deprivation is hard and dealing with cranky toddlers can be trying. It requires, patience, energy, and prayer. But these difficult things are not where you choose to put your focus. Instead, you focus on the tremendous blessing of your vocation and your work with your family. That’s a GOOD thing (and certainly is NOT sickingly sweet) and really is probably the only thing that may motivate you from time to time (I know that’s what keeps me going!)
So, I’ll get off my soap box now. I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work. You will adjust to life with three! God bless you in your efforts to raise those beautiful babies!
In Christ,
Colleen
Hey Katie… I think the “real” Katie (the sleep-deprived, not-so-100% put together one) IS a Super Mom. Want to know why? Because you inspire other moms, pure and simple. If you really were perfect and could juggle 3 small children, no sleep, and tons of free lance writing, we’d all dislike you immensely for us not being able to hold up in comparison :P
Hey Kate! Your honesty is fabulous, but don’t be hard on yourself! You’re in “survival” mode right now, and it will get better! You’re a fabulous mommy, and if everyone is fed and healthy that’s all that matters. You are a role model to so many, sleepless or not! I love you girl!
Hang in there, thanks for the reminder to cherish my sleep now while I can! As always I appreciate the honesty!
Kate —
Be comforted by the fact that God, in His wisdom, helps us Moms “forget” about how difficult it is in the early days!! And sleep does come again! Give yourself a break – if M.E. is sleeping, pop in a short (but educational!) video, and take a catnap on the couch while the girls are watching – catch some sleep where you can, and you’ll feel worlds better. Hang in there!
Hang in there!! Sleep deprivation is the worst. And I love your posts, sappy or not :) You really encourage me. I hope I can continue to explore my mothering vocation like you do if I’m blessed with two more kids :) I’ll probably just nap a lot.
Prayers, dear Kate, prayers. It is passing, but that doesn’t help you now. When I was struggling with this a few months ago, it helped me to focus, at the crux of my lowest time emotionally and mentally, on a special intention. I asked God to take my suffering (because that IS what it is!) and use it for the good of that special intention. I don’t know if that will help you, but maybe it will, so I offer it to you. I’ll pray for you. You’re doing a great job, Mommy! Keep it up! :) ((hugs))
I remember being so exhausted when the twins were babies and nursing ALL THE TIME. Every time I sat down anywhere (home, church, you name it), I would start falling asleep. I remember thinking, “How can I keep going on such little sleep?” But, somehow you do, and it may seem like it is going on forever, but it will get better soon!
So hang in there Kate!
Janet
You are a fantastic mom, and giving your children so much. I’m with everyone else – you need to give yourself something back, and for now, that is some extra TLC, personal forgivness, and rest. Nap when you can, and ask for help as needed. People love reaching back out and helping, it helps their souls and lighten their spirits – just the same when you give to others. Let people minister back :)
God Bless you and you are most loved!
By the way – in re-glancing at your post about wanting to share the struggles because being honest is great, even when wanting to capture the lovey dovey stuff – I blog the same way. I’ve been trying to be more honest about when I feel defeated, etc. Letting it out does help getting back up and uplifted. It’s all in that idea of ministry…share, vent, let it out, and then hear back words of love, encouragement, and shared experiences. You are not alone!
Many prayers!
“I’m trying to convince myself I’m Super Mom and that adding a newborn to a family when you already have two little kids is no big deal. But it’s time for the cold, hard facts: It is a big deal. Having a baby is always an adjustment no matter how “experienced” you are as a mom. And there’s one killer kind of kryptonite that will knock the wind out of any Super Mom and that’s chronic sleep deprivation.”
Ooooooh. Reality check for your very pregnant cousin! I am so far out in the middle of the River Denial right now that it’s not even funny ;-)