I don’t have time for negative energy now or ever. You know the kind of energy you devote to either responding to someone who disagrees with you or to worrying over the troll lurking in the combox after a post. Then there’s your own personal negative energy that’s like a force field around you, deflecting all the happiness that’s all around you every day, but you’re just too wrapped up in your grey storm cloud to see it. (As an aside, I loved how Elizabeth Foss, in her typically honest and eloquent way, recently wrote about not blogging about yucky stuff and how her archives prove just how lovely so many of her days have been.)
I used to only write for secular publications. In recent years, I frequently write for Catholic markets. I feel very fulfilled writing about what I’m (trying) to live. But I also feel conflicted, especially when other Christians don’t agree with me. I naively assumed I’d mostly be preaching to the choir. It’s been difficult for me to see Christians not acting like Christians. Once there was even a comment in response to some of the vitriol seeping in the comments after an article I wrote that simply said this is why I’m thankful to be an atheist. Truly, truly sad. They’ll know we are Christians – for better or worse – by our blog or by the comments we leave after a post or an article we don’t agree with. Something to always keep in mind. (Jennifer Fulwiler of Conversion Diary wrote the article “Google and Ye Shall Find” about the role the Internet plays in evangelization – definitely worth the read.)
I also sometimes feel insecure putting something as personal as my faith or my marriage or how I approach motherhood out there on the dissection table for people to pick apart. This is likely due to my own spiritual (and perhaps age-wise) immaturity. And also my vanity. I care way too much about what others think. Sometimes I simply can’t understand why others don’t embrace my world view (very vain of me. I know, I know.). I take things too personally. I don’t particularly like to play with fire, but something (the Holy Spirit perhaps?) keeps handing me the matches and so I end up writing about controversial things (even when I don’t realize they’re controversial until after I’m faced with a deluge of comments questioning my logic or worse, my faith).
(Before I go any further, I’m not talking about this blog. This is, for the most part, a safe haven for me, although I have considered closing comments. My root sins are pride and vanity. But I have no time to pander to either defects in my personality – even when the comments are mostly all positive.)
I don’t ever want to come off as sanctimonious but sometimes despite my best intentions (or perhaps my own personal blindness to how my pride sneaks its way into my writing) people are offended by what I’ve written. That hurts. Of course, when the feedback is positive, my heart soars (quite possibly a little too high). Funny thing is when I did write for secular markets, I never received anything but kudos. It’s only been since I’ve been writing for a Christian audience that I’ve had to take the brunt of some pretty harsh words (and even a few hate emails).
I don’t like to receive dissenting (or hateful) emails. I’m a people-pleaser (back to my vanity again), but I have to keep reminding myself that I need to be a God-pleaser first.
Am I suggesting everything I write and put out there pleases God? Absolutely not. In fact, I wish the Holy Spirit would make it a little more obvious on what it is exactly that I’m supposed to write. And sometimes others’ dissenting opinions, when revealed with charity, encourage me to look at things differently or to see that maybe I was being a bit obtuse or prideful or holier-than-thou.
Then there are times (and I realize I’m being really vague here about mentioning specifics; again, it comes down to energy – energy I don’ have to devote to spelling out too many details) when I’m reminded that maybe this is why God started nagging me so long ago to broach Christian markets (I resisted for a long, long time). God wanted me to step out of my comfort zone. What’s easier isn’t always better for him, my family, or my soul.
I recently told my mom how I’d been thinking of abandoning writing about tough topics. I was growing weary of all of the controversy I seemed to incite with every word I put out there (again not on this blog but in other outlets). Yet, as I was thinking aloud to my patiently listening mom, I realized that maybe when I was, for example, pulled from the cozy world of writing about why I love my babies so much to sharing about why I parent my babies a certain way or why I try to be open to God’s plan for babies (whom I most certainly love but who do require a whole lot of graces to nurture) is when I was truly answering Christ’s call to fearless evangelization.
“Christ was the most controversial person of all time,” my mom reminded me when I took a breath during my lengthy “coming-to-Jesus” monologue.
Mom was right again.
While I still don’t have time to be sucked into responding to any negative energy that comes my way (either in myself or from others), I have to keep answering God’s call. Of course, right now I have an inkling his call is to “slack off” on some of my writing endeavors and be a wife to my husband and a mother to my children.
In all areas of my life, whether I’m worried about the nasty look someone shoots at my aria-singing toddler and me during Mass or about an email from someone who didn’t like what I had to say about something, I must crucify my vanity and pride on the cross.
I’ll always have a deep yearning to be loved – this desire is a part of the human condition – but I don’t need this love to come in the form of everyone supporting everything I write or even in the kind comments so many readers leave on this blog. That love is already there. From God. When it’s all said and done (and don’t worry: this rambling post is almost all said and done), if I’m truly doing God’s will, then I don’t have to defend myself to anyone at anytime. I can instead divert my energy to asking the Spirit to mold me into the image of Christ so that I can be a better witness to my family and beyond.
Have a happy and safe Fourth!
You said:
"I'll always have a deep yearning to be loved – this desire is a part of the human condition – but I don't need this love to come in the form of everyone supporting everything I write or even in the kind comments so many readers leave on this blog. That love is already there. From God. "
That has been my constant struggle. It comes and goes, but is my constant struggle. I don't think of myself as a people pleaser, but I know I'm so wired by my past to seek approval and love from others that I have to remind myself that God fills those voids! Sure, friends come from God and God is in those friends, but I need to remember He, Jesus and the Spirit are more than those people and fill me whether they are in my life or not.
I forget that constantly…especially when trying to be myself…strong…and honest…and living with the price of that. I'm going through this RIGHT NOW, and like Elizabeth and others, I made a slight mention of it on my blog what is it about June and us coming clean about this?
So, I'm aching right now too. I'm also trying to live above the world and my need for physical love, and instead reach for spiritual love. Because, that spiritual love came through the most physical act possible that NO one could ever do for me.
I still struggle though. I'm right there with you, and I'm void of the energy right now to keep dwelling on what has me down currently. It's like the weight of the world, and I am TRYING to let it go to God's waiting arms. I'm still trying. Your post, and Elizabeth's, is helping me do that. Thanks. God does work though our friends! He is our greatest defender.
Much love!
I'm wondering, especially with your statement that you've been writing more controversial pieces lately (by chance/providence more than choice): Why did you fight the idea of writing for Christian markets?
I love ya Katie :)
And I love you even though I do not share your faith or your political view. :)
I am not quite sure why people that you are offending even read your blog in the first place! I hope that you continue to be true to yourself and publish the things you want despite what negative people say. I love your blog and your faith is inspiring :) Keep up the good work!
Nicole, to answer your question in a word: fear. I was afraid of coming out of my comfort zone and writing about anything new. I'd already established myself as a parenting/health writer. How would I carve out a new niche?
Also, I didn't feel like I was qualified to write about matters of the faith. After all, I was a very fallible human lacking a theology degree. What would I have to say about faith? Well, I started just writing honestly and made an effort to be as authentic as I could and slowly but surely I found my voice.
Of course, I'm still very much a work in progress – just like my writing – and always striving to sharpen my voice. But it's a start.
I'll always love writing about motherhood and being a wife (whether for secular or religious publications), but now I look at it and try to write about it through the prism of the Church – as more than just a big responsibility and blessing. Now I recognize it as a sublime vocation, a holy and sanctifying apostolate.
I hope this helped answer your question.
Blessings,
Kate
Hey, Sweetness!
Tag! You've won the "Scrappy" Award today!
http://mommymonsters.blogspot.com/2009/07/honest-scrap-award.html
Guess you'll just have to exercise that ol' humility muscle another day!
Hugs, Heidi at "Mommy Monsters"
Well, you don't even have to write something controversial to get negative comments. My most "popular" post – with well over 100 comments – was one of my MENU PLANS!
Actual comment from that post: Brown rice and spinach are not good foods for growing boys.
Wow Milehimama. That's something else!
Kate, I struggle with the same thing. You have a lot of courage, and I appreciate it b/c it gives me some!
Oh my goodness- I feel like I've missed something here. I am very much the same in the way that negativity can make such a huge impact on my spirit. Can't just shake it off easily. But it does it better (easier, less painful) with time, right? Soon whatever happened will just be another minor annoyance that hopefully you can laugh at. Until then, keep writing, you do it so well. ;)
I understand. There is a big burden when you identify yourself as a Catholic online.
When I first started blogging, I found a circle of Christian moms and enjoyed sharing my faith. Gradually I began to feel more exposed and less comfortable vocalizing what has always been an integral part of my day.
As to controversy, those who will pick will pick at anything, even if you write a completely domestic blog like mine. I've learned that the hard way.
Thank you for tackling the children in Mass issue. That's how I found you, and how I found the courage to relax in Mass after 7 years of parenting.
While reading your post, I thought of Elbert Hubbard's quote: "Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway." Hang in there and remember Heaven is our home!
Oh, friend. How I feel your pain. Your mother was quite right in her words of wisdom, and we would all do well to remember that we are not to blend it, but are called to be set apart, in every aspect of our lives. When the Holy Spirit lays on your heart to share it, do it unabashedly. It is yours to be obedient. What is done with the message beyond that has nothing to do with you.
I do not understand why the Body of Christ is so harsh and critical of each other, when we are called to be united. We do not have to agree on everything. We are bound by the one non-negotiable, the death and resurrection of God's Son, Jesus Christ. Regardless of the denomination one affiliates with, this is our one non-negotiable. The rest…well, Scripture says, "Come, let us reason together." We don't have to agree in the end, but are still called to be united.
I too have received hate mail and nasty emails (I tend to gravitate towards the controversial topics). It makes me sad that the Body of Christ attacks the personal rather than sticking to struggling with Scripture, but that is a reflection of our humanity and brokenness. There has to be a voice crying out in the darkness. There has to be a heart willing to question and challenge, lest the Church fall into such complacency that it falls apart altogether. God has gifted you with words. It is for you to write them as He leads you. He smiles at your bold obedience.
Stand strong friend. Remember who you are writing for as you stir up the hearts of the people. He was boldly controversial!
You encourage me on a regular basis, my sister. Be encouraged now.
Blessings to you.
-Shauna
I've been struggling recently with my blog. Unable to open up with what's going on with me. And you just put some of that into words for me — I've been afraid to open myself up for scrutiny. For judgment. And that's what has been keeping me silent. Maybe now that I can name it, I can find a way to move past it. Thanks for writing this.
WOW… this was a great post, Kate. I have been shocked by some of the "Catholic" commentators on some of the "controversial" issues you've written about as well. I guess it is a reminder for all of us to be careful… words can hurt! But you are doing good work, and yes… Jesus was the most controversial figure of all time. Your mom is SO right!
Interesting perspective. I take the opposite view – I write about my faith online all the time just so people will find it and hopefully be encouraged. I don't need to be the perfect Christian, I need to trust in a perfect savior.
Good point about the negative comments too. When I find a blogger, or comment on my blog I don't agree with, I don't engage in a flame war. You never know how our online witness with affect the unbeliever.
Kate, Thanks for answering my question!-(I wrote a longer "thanks" comment, but don't know what happened to it.)