There’s a great discussion going on over at Faith & Family LIVE! after Arwen Mosher’s excellent post where she asks an important question: How should we strike the balance between encouragement and realism with our kids?
She writes,
“I think it’s great to tell kids that most things are within their reach if they work hard enough. But my perception is that the ‘if you work hard enough’ part of that proposition has mostly been dropped in popular society.
It leads to situations like the case of a teenaged boy I knew a few years ago. He planned to be an engineer. He was also failing half his classes because he couldn’t be bothered to turn in his schoolwork. He saw no disconnect between his goals and his behavior.
Encouragement is a wonderful thing. But I think that the encouragement that we give kids these days could benefit from a healthy dose of realism.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Her post actually reminded me of a news story I heard about a local preschool that removed the line, “The cheese stands alone” from “The Farmer in the Dell.” Their reasoning? No cheese (or child) should have to stand alone.
I kid you not.
Most parents and educational institutions won’t go this far (I hope) in artificially padding children’s self-esteems. But the way I see it, even if we’re guilty of taking less ridiculous steps to shield our children from the struggles they’re sure to face, we’re still only sharpening their disappointment in the end.
Life isn’t fair. And sometimes it’s hard. Really, really hard. But life’s not all doom and gloom. It’s through their very struggles, hard work, and their overcoming of obstacles (including loneliness) that children find their way and gain a real sense of self-worth as well as an awareness that nothing in life is free with the exception of God’s love. It is often when we are stripped of nearly everything that we are most aware that God is all we ever needed.
As much as I want my “babies” to be happy and to dream big, I know that struggle is a good thing. We are entitled to nothing. I have to encourage them to sometimes stand alone on their own two feet because I won’t always be there to catch their fall. And when they do find themselves face to face with adversity, I pray that I will have served them well and that they will be primed not only to persevere but to also accept their limitations, to let God in, and to live “Thy will be done” instead of “My will be done.”
The cheese may stand alone, but my children never will.*
*I edited my conclusion a bit, thanks to Karen.
Hi Kate, following you over here from Faith and Family Live! I love your blog and your topics. Anyway, I think society has definitely padded our children's lives WAY TOO MUCH. I was just at Disney World with the fam and was a little frustrated. We saw the fireworks at Magic Kingdom twice and the song was all about making wishes and having dreams and how we can make them come true. I don't want to be a downer here, but I'm with you, I want my kids to be realistic. I think we fill our kids' heads with all these "wishes" and they can come true, that when they don't, our children lose faith in themselves because they don't know why they didn't get their wish. Same thing with prayer. We grow up thinking that just because we pray for something, we should get it. Wrong answer.
I do have to disagree with you, just a little, about our kids standing alone. I think it's weird to take that line out of that song, but I have to say that we are never alone. While we may not always be with our children, God will always be. That's what I want to teach them. I don't want them to always rely on me, but on God. So when I'm not there when their friends want them to try drugs or have sex, that God will be there with them to guide them, if their hearts are open to it. After all, we must love God before any being or thing here on earth. Great post Kate. You always get me thinking!! (And I really need that being a stay-at-home mom!!:))
Hi, Karen. Thanks for your comment and I realize I may have failed my readers as I writer: You're right. Our children will never completely stand alone (hence, my "thy will be done" reference). However, I should perhaps change my conclusion. What I meant is that they won't have me (like in the song the nurse takes the child), but as you say, they will always, always have God.
Blessings,
Kate
Karen, I edited my conclusion to clarify! Thanks for helping me grow as a writer and a mother.
Kate you are awesome. I figured that's what you meant (about physically standing alone, but not without God). I knew it was probably just the wording came out funny. I LOVE YOUR BLOG AND YOUR WRITING. I wanna be like you! :)
Karen, thanks so much for the encouragement. It's so nice to know I'm not writing into a black hole and that people are actually reading and thinking about the things that spring out of this tired mommy brain. Also, I could use a good editor these days since things don't come out so easily all of the time! :)
God bless.