Lately I’ve been barraged by thoughts of what I can’t do. I can’t keep my home in tip-top shape anymore. I can’t get over my insecurities about officially starting to homeschool Madeline this fall. I can’t play with my older girls as much as I used to anymore. I can’t sleep even when I crawl into bed exhausted at the end of a day (insomnia, be gone!). I can’t find a lot of time to pray. I can’t stop biting my thumb nails. I can’t live up to my own maternal expectations.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yet, behind all these self-doubts, I have faith. Faith in my God and in myself. After all, God gave me these precious souls. He gave me a husband to help me raise them. He called me to be a mom. And every day he’s gently asking me to relinquish control, to bend to his will.
Will I answer his call? Or will I hide behind a litany of “cant’s”? Will I open myself to the graces I need to be the kind of mother he calls me to be – not the kind of mom I think I ought to be or the kind society tells me to be?
Perhaps instead of focusing so much on what I can’t do, I should choose to focus on what God can do through me.
Much love Kate. I hear you, and thank you for your honesty. Trust me, God IS working through you and your words. You perspective helps us all!
Thank you! Sleep well!
You can do it Katie!! :)
And my thumbnails are the only nails I *don't* bite, how funny is that?
I can't tell you how much these words helped me this morning. I don't comment very often but I do read your posts. Thank you again for writing this. I needed to hear them!
First time on your blog and thought I would comment. I am starting my 16th year as a homeschooling Mom and every year I worry if I can do it. The years that I have taken the time to sit, relax and read with the kids have been the best. I hope you enjoy the time you get to be with your kids as you school them.
Clare