Madeline can’t wait to officially start school after Labor Day – if you can call 40 to 45 minutes of reading practice and an introduction to basic math as “official” school. Honestly, I think more than anything she’d like a chance to ride the big, old cheesewagon, but, alas, it’s a short commute from her bedroom to the kitchen table and thus, no bus is required. Madeline is also eager to start math and was all giddy when our Saxon materials arrived. More than anything, I think, she craves some one-on-one attention with Mommy.
I love her anticipation, her hopefulness that she can learn anything. I don’t tell her that “school” isn’t going to be all that different from what we do every day – reading lots of books together, praying a decade of the rosary over our breakfast, taking nature walks, answering her countless “Whys?”, listening to music, and making art (AKA crayon sketches of happy families and horses, Madeline’s favorite subjects).
A lot of Madeline’s friends are in “real” school and have been for some time; she assumes she’s starting real school now, too. I’ve never felt like I’ve been depriving her of anything by not sending her to preschool. Life is her best classroom. Even now as she approaches the age when she’d be thrust into kindergarten, I don’t feel she’ll be missing much other than, of course, that exciting ride on a yellow bus (one day I will have to crush her romantic ideas of what happens on that bus, that in reality it’s one big social caste system and if you’re not cool enough to sit in the back, you probably never will be. You can guess where a coolio brace-face like me sat).
No, I’m not worried about my daughter at all even though it appears I failed to give her an academic edge while she was still in my bag of waters (yes, there’s now a prenatal education system), but I am, selfishly perhaps, worried about my personal aptitude for homeschooling.
(It is reassuring to know I’m not alone in my doubts and that I seesaw between my love for the idea of homeschooling and my fear of turning it into a reality.)
Everyone from grocery clerks to good friends ask me why we’ve decided to pursue homeschooling. I need to work on a better canned response, but I’ll probably never have a succinct, perfect answer roll off of my lips. It’s not an easy question to answer. No matter what educational option parents choose for their child, there are pros and cons. I have a friend who agonized over which kindergarten she was going to send her child to this year, not because she wanted to start priming her kid for Harvard but because she wants the best for her child and for her family.
Don’t we all? The tricky part is deciding just how to do that.
My own decision process involved a lot of reading, prayer, and talking to homeschoolers before me as well as some moms who have chosen to send their children to school.
My research has brought me to the conclusion that for right now homeschooling seems best for my family, largely due to my husband’s chaotic and unpredictable work schedule. When he is home, I want to be able to have the flexibility to spend time together as a family.
Then there are my personal thoughts on what education is and what it isn’t. Education isn’t forcing phonics down a 5-year-old’s throat if she’d rather be hosting imaginary tea parties with her stuffed animals. Education is exposing children to beauty found in good literature, Sacred Scripture, classic art, poetry, nature, traditional hymns, and in the lives of the saints and other heroes. Education is not teaching children how to efficiently master standardized tests. Nor does education have a monopoly on the mind. I believe that in order to raise a thinking, whole child, we must not only train our children’s minds to be analytical, but we must train their souls to be godly as well.
So what will I be teaching to achieve the kind of education I believe in for my children? What curriculum will I be embracing? Again, it’s not an easy answer. It’s one that, I’m sure, will evolve with time.
Here’s what I do know: I loved school and learning (yes, I was a big geek), but I also remember wishing I had more time to read and write and just ponder (I was a daydreaming geek) than just memorize and regurgitate facts. Not surprisingly, the classical approach to education appeals to me. I want to uncover The Lost Tools of Learning for my children and teach them how to think, not simply how to spit out pre-packaged facts like vending machines.
Likewise, I like Dr. Maria Montessori’s teaching philosophy and, in fact, Madeline has thrived in our parish’s Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program, which teaches children tenets of faith using the Montessori method.
Then there is the lovely Charlotte Mason, with whom I imagine I would have loved to share a cup of tea. From the moment I discovered the Charlotte Mason method, I fell in love with the idea of marbling “living books” into our lives, and my oldest and I had already been doing forms of narration together without knowing there was a name for it.
This year we plan to be very relaxed – continuing to read together, starting some basic kindergarten level math. No rocket science here. Yet, I’m still afraid. (Maybe Eeyore just needs more sleep.) I’m afraid I won’t be the best teacher, that I’ll expect too much from my oldest and that my own tendency toward perfectionism will cripple the both of us. I’m afraid of how I’ll balance it all – a baby, a toddler who isn’t happy unless she’s doing what her big sister is doing, and my first year of homeschooling. I’m afraid my daughter and I will butt heads. I’m afraid I’ll lose touch with my friends who will be meeting for coffee while their kids are in real school. I’m afraid I’ll be too tired after long nights with the baby to be a good somewhat coherent teacher. I’m afraid I’ll never have a break – time to nourish my own mind and soul. I’m afraid my decision to homeschool isn’t as noble as it may appear at first glance and that my vanity and desire to come off as a super mom comes into play.
There are plenty of fears. There always have been since becoming a mother. The enormity of being gifted with lives to mold, souls to nurture – whether one homeschools or not – can be daunting, terrifying. But it is in these very fears that I’m forced to seek strength outside of myself – the kind of strength that overcomes the temptation to surrender, to hide behind my insecurities, to flee from what I’m being asked to do.
So my feet are firm, bookshelves are stocked, pencils are sharpened, and my hands are folded in prayer. I am ready for now. I can’t say for sure if I’ll be homeschooling two or ten years from now. I’m trying to keep myself from looking beyond my family’s immediate needs and wants of the moment and to just focus on what I can do and what God is calling me to do at this season of our lives (the latter is particularly difficult and requires plenty of time spent in prayer). I’m also making an effort to cleave my own anxieties and insecurities from the important task of raising my children with a hopeful confidence.
Whatever decision my husband and I make down the road about our children’s education, I do know this: I always want to be their primary teacher. I’ve always believed the place my children go to school is in my heart. How I live my life, the words I read, the words I write, how I face my joys as well as fears will help supply my children with the knowledge they need to learn how to grow up.
Every minute my children spend with me is an opportunity to edify them. I have to constantly ask myself: What lessons will my kids glean from watching me? What attitude will they embrace? What words will they learn to speak and what tone will they speak them with? What habits will they adopt from my own habits that have become woven into the fabric of my daily life?
So this is really my prayer – not to make the perennial decision to homeschool every one of my kids until they leave the nest – but to be graced with the wisdom to be a good teacher to my children now and always.
When you want a response, just answer what you wrote – that for this year (you only look at homeschooling one year at a time!), this is what works best for our family. If you want to go more in depth, quote our wonderful John Paul II that parents, in their vocation as such, are the primary educators of their children, regardless of what method they choose to "school" their children. Parents have the ultimate reponsibility.
I am feeling a little guilty that I am one of those moms who send her children off to school. But, like you said, we have to do what's best for our kids and our family – and since I am forced to work because my hubby gets a Catholic school teacher's salary, Catholic school is what's best for us right now. The only reason we can afford to send them there is because I do their accounting in exchange, so we are very lucky!
I went through the same jitters. Every homeschooling parent does. I have learned to be firm in the decisions that my husband and I make for our daughter and not let outsiders make me doubt what we are doing. There are many homeschoolers online you can turn to for support when you have your ups and downs. It is all worth it in the long run. You'll be a great teacher, Kate, I can tell!
Colleen, do not feel guilty (yeah right! Most moms feel guilty about something far too often). Who knows? I might be joining you down the road and sending my kids to school as well. I've said it before, but there's no such thing as one-size-fits all when it comes to good parenting.
God bless you!
You'll do great at homeschooling! Thanks for the write up. I agonized last year about whether I should homeschool our oldest. After much prayer, it was decided that she would try Catholic school for now. (She is in a French immersion program) Mostly because we attend a French parish and she will be taking her sacraments in French…and I don't know French well enough to teach it. However, if at anytime we feel her education is being jepordized by behaviours in the school, I will not hesitate to yank her out. Although that means switching to an english parish : (
Great thoughts! I just joined a homeschool group in the area. Yes, I have a two year old. But my main motivation was to get connected w/ other hs-ing moms so I can effectively discern if it's for us. I appreciate your advice and prayerful approach!
I just posted this on Jen's blog, too. What am I missing? Why is it that Catholics are not sending their kids to Catholic schools and are homeschooling instead? I greatly, greatly, greatly admire homeschooling moms, so this is not a judgment thing for me (perhaps jealousy because my patience is tried just helping my 3rd grader with math homework!). I know there are huge benefits to homeschooling. I just assumed wrongly that as Catholics, supporting our churches meant supporting our schools, too. Mostly, I'm really curious why so many Catholic choose not to utilize Catholic schools. Any thoughts, Kate? Can't wait to hear about your educational journey, too.
Catholic Mommy Brain, I joined my homeschool co-op when Madeline was 2 (yes, I'm known to be a gunner). :) Even if I don't end up continuing to homeschool, I made lifelong friends. The moms in the group inspire me so much.
Domestic Accident, great question! From my own personal experience, I think a lot of it has to do with economics. We cannot afford private school right now. The tuition for the parochial schools in our area is outrageous, and several schools have eliminated their multi-child discount. Many of the moms in my homeschool co-op have 5+ kids and couldn't afford to pay for tuition for every year of schooling; however, most of the moms plan on transitioning their children to private Catholic school. There was recently even an article discussing how homeschooling is on the rise because parents can no longer foot the bill for private school tuition.
Personally, I like the flexibility of homeschooling. I don't want to be tied to a school calendar right now (my husband can't pick when he has time off).
Anyone else have any thoughts?
God bless!
Kate,
We are starting our homeschooling journey next Monday! I'm a little nervous too.
When people ask me why we're going to homeschool, my basic answer, which is true, is that we feel that we are being called to do it. Finances isn't part of it for us, because in our diocese, there is no tuition if you belong to the parish and practice good stewardship (giving time, talent, and treasure). We really want to have more of a role in our children's formation and education, and I hope to instill in them a lifelong love of learning.
I'm not saying we're going to homeschool forever (there may be too many flaws on the teacher's end! :) ), but for right now it seems that is what we are supposed to be doing.
May God bless your efforts!
Janet
Good luck to you, Janet. I completely agree that homeschooling is a vocation. Sarah Reinhard wrote a good post about homeschooling that mentioned this very fact: http://viewdomesticchurch.blogspot.com/2009/08/when-back-to-school-is-really-stay-at.html
God bless you as you embark on your homeschooling journey as well!
Well, I was just going to chime in and say what several others have said already. The best canned response for the grocery store clerk is, "It's what I believe will be best for her this year," or for your closer friends and acquaintances, "It's what God has called me to."
Have no fear about being a good teacher for her, Kate. You ARE doing what God has called you to do, and He – The Great Teacher – will empower and enable you to teach exactly to meet her needs.
Best wishes for a wonderful year!
Great post, from another mama who joined the local Catholic homeschool group when my daughter was 2! We actually decided to homeschool before we were even engaged; just fell in love with the local homeschool families! I think we'll always have those doubts, especially at this exciting time of year for school-goers. But once we get into a rhythm, it will just seem like normal life. And that's one thing I really love, learning as part of normal life.
For us finances make it the only viable option, since we strongly prefer to not try public school at this point. Catholic elementary schools in our area run $7k/year. But really in our hearts the desire to homeschool has always been there. I hope everyone has a wonderful new school/homeschool year!
(sorry I deleted the last comment to try to change a grammatical error; I'm a perfectionist too!)
I wanted to respond to Domestic Accident about the Catholic school question, because I think I can uniquely answer that! We have 5 children. Our oldest, who is in college now, went all the way through Catholic school, and we were very happy. We sent our 2nd child there, and then our 3rd. When the 3rd child was going into 2nd grade, we made the decision to take him (only him) out of school for one year, simply because we felt very strongly that our Catholic school was not a good fit for him for that year. We intended to leave our 2nd son (then in 5th grade) there, and return the 3rd one for 3rd grade. During that first few months, we fell in love with homeschooling and our 2nd son BEGGED us to take him out of school. We did, and have never looked back. Our 4th and 5th children have never been to school, not even pre-school, and are very happy. Were our circumstances to change and we needed to send our children back to school, Catholic school would be our only option, so it's not a matter of not wanting Catholic school. Also, I live in the same place as Kate, and she is correct. Here, it's VERY expensive, and quite a financial burden on a one-income family. I would most likely have to work if all 4 younger children were in school. In addition, 2nd son is getting ready to hit high school, and we will most likely send him back to school, to the local Catholic high school. Although Catholic schools around here are located on the grounds of a parish, they are not parish-based, in that they are run by the Archdiocese, not the local parish. And not every church has a school. So it's structured a bit differently here than it is in some other areas. Financial aid is also few and far between. Hope that answers your question!
Great post, Kate!
For Domestic Accident:
I was initially VERY RELUCTANT to homeschool. I tried everything to avoid it, even putting my oldest inpreschool at a parish school to "hold" her spot for kindergarten/ But… one day Adam and I had a long talk. Would we have just two babies and be closed to life to send them to Catholic school (5k-8k in my area), or would we be open to life as we'd planned and homeschool/public school them?
We did public school in my first child's Kindergarten year. It was a big mistake for us… can't even tell you how many negative experiences affected us from that year.
But it did serve to convince us that homeschooling was the only way for our family. And we're starting our second year now, securely bonded with Catholic Homeschoolers Associations and local resources, and now… if someone called me up and promised to give all my children full rides to the parish school from kindergarten through 12th? I'd say, Thanks but no thanks!
We love homeschooling, and it is the right fit for us. We love the flexibility and "authentic learning" style. :)
In answer to why some parents decide not to send their children to Catholic school, you have to be very aware of what is being taught in the Catholic schools these days. There are some parts of the curricula that have "caved" to the secular world. So tuition is high, but you are having to pull your children out of some of the classes because what they are teaching goes against the Faith. This may not be in all of the Catholic schools, but it is present in a good number of them and it is very hard to keep on top of all that your children ingest when they are in the classroom. This comes from a mom still sending her children to catholic school. The world can be so ugly, it manages to seep in even to our Catholic schools. And it can be exhausting to the parents to have to battle that while spending lots of money in hopes that the children are receiving an authentically Catholic education. Again, not the only reason people homeschool, but this can play a part. God bless!