Tonight I was a rebel. I broke the parenting rule that says you should never rock your baby to sleep if you ever want her to learn to fall asleep on her own.
Actually, this wasn’t my first offense, and it won’t be the last time either. But whatever.
After I nursed M.E., she was fading but still awake and so I drew her close and rocked my sweet baby girl. I pressed my lips onto the soft skin of her cheek. As she snuggled close, I felt her chest gently rise and fall. She sighed contentedly, and I breathed in the smell of her milky breath. And I began to pray.
Even after I knew she’d melted into a deep sleep, I held her and continued to be content in the kernel of the moment. Even when a nagging voice in my head threatened to disrupt my cloistered peace as it told me I ought to be doing laundry, packing for an upcoming trip, or exercising instead of holding a sleeping baby, I just kept rocking. And praying.
This is my work. This is my worship. My prayers are silent, my work often unnoticed. Quietly, I make my children’s worlds turn. There is no hard evidence of my labor, especially now when I am alone in the darkness with my baby producing nothing other than a shared moment. Yet with God’s grace, it is my hope that the sum of these shared moments might help to positively shape my children’s lives. It is my hope, Lord, that I might love my children into loving.
Now it is time for me to sleep. It is late, and I did not accomplish all I’d hoped. My neglected “to do” list taunts me, but one final peek at my dozing baby reminds me that as a mother, my life’s most satisfying moments do not come to me when I’m involved in great matters. Instead, they often occur when I am hidden, my soul is stilled, and my child rests in my arms as I rest in God.
Kate, I love this.
I'll admit it. I'm a rebel too. I still rock and sing my 20 month old Sophie-baby to sleep sometimes. When I can. I felt so bad when I couldn't for several months after my recent c-section so how can I not try to make it up to her now. She can go to sleep on her own, but in her recent bout of teething it was so much kinder to show her a little extra affection and soothe her through the tough spots. Now she's getting back to sleeping on her own again. Lucky me I also have baby Ben to cuddle close and smell the milk-breath. Oh that is the most heavenly smell, isn't it? There is something about rocking a baby that is wonderfully conducive to prayer.
This is one of the things I really love doing now. Some of my fondest memories with Christopher are rocking him while we prayed the family rosary and him falling asleep in my arms. Sometimes now when we are praying the rosary I look forward to doing it with our next baby too.
These are the things that our children will treasure. Even though Mary Ellen probably won't remember this particular rocking or falling asleep in your arms, she will remember the feeling of being secure and loved in her mothers arms.
Amen. You did exactly what I would have done. I nursed my babies to sleep every night and held them as long as I could. I used to tell my husband that I wished he could nurse, not because I didn't want to but because I wished that he could take part in the warm sleepiness that is nursing at bedtime.
It's so short, the time when you get to hold and cuddle your sleeping child, and chokes me up just a little to think that time is gone with my four older children. Thank goodness I have Five on the way. I can't wait to nurse her to sleep and rock and cuddle her and kiss her little cheeks and hands. There are few things as peaceful as a sleeping child.
I just love rule breakers :)
Oh, this is so precious! I love your sentence about loving your children into loving – such a perfect prayer.
My 19 month old just weaned herself and now I can't stop wishing we could do it again! You are right to take time for cuddling. It is so very beneficial, for you *and* your daughters.