In response to my Faith & Family LIVE feature on postpartum depression, Suzanne Temple of Blessed Among Men (a favorite blogger of mine even though she’s got a house full of men and we’re overrun with sugar and spice), wrote an excellent follow-up blog post sharing information on the use of progesterone therapy as a NaProTechnology Solution. I agree 100 percent that more women need to know about this effective and natural form of therapy and recommend anyone who has struggled with PPD to read her post to learn more. I should have mentioned progesterone in my feature, especially since this was my first line of attack against depression (more on that in a bit). (There was actually a lot I wanted to write about, but I’d already surpassed my word count. Brevity is not my strong suit.) :-)
Although I neglected to cover hormone therapy as a treatment, I do feel that we do have to be careful about when we bring up this sensitive topic. There’s already so much stigma attached to mental health conditions. In fact, I have to confess that I use to buy into that stigma until a few months ago, thinking that people who suffered from any form of depression should be able to just shake it off and that taking antidepressants was a copout. (Funny, you’d think I’d be less judgmental having had dealt with an eating disorder and having gotten upset when people would tell me to just eat and be happy.) Now I know better, and the last thing anyone suffering from the pain of depression needs is to feel guilty because she didn’t respond to a “better” form of treatment. (I talk more about my personal experience with PPD as well as other things that helped me heal in the March 18th Faith & Family podcast.)
Please understand that I’m not suggesting Suzanne’s post was anything but charitable and informative, but I had a different experience with PPD and found that the natural therapies weren’t enough to curb some persistent insomnia and an angry edge I’ve never had before.
I did try progesterone treatment after my midwife (who is also Catholic) took my hormone levels and discovered they were all out of whack. This shouldn’t have come as a big surprise. My midwife reminded me that I had either been pregnant, nursing, or pregnant and nursing for more than five years. It’s no wonder I was having trouble tolerating the overwhelming hormonal cocktail coursing through my body.
When she mentioned starting with progesterone treatment, I was happy there was a natural way to go about tackling my PPD symptoms (which included insomnia, frequent crying jags, sadness, anger, loss of appetite, etc.). I’m someone who doesn’t even like to take Tylenol for a headache. I honestly didn’t want to seek any treatment at all for what I was experiencing. I wanted to fix it myself. I kept telling myself it was just a phase and I could will myself into getting better (I’m a stubborn one; just ask my husband or my equally stubborn oldest daughter!). But I couldn’t make the symptoms go away even after combing resources for natural remedies for depression like eating less refined food, nixing caffeine, exercising regularly, etc.
And apparently, the progesterone couldn’t “fix” my depression either because my symptoms weren’t improving. I’d already been dealing with feelings of worthlessness. When I discovered I wasn’t getting better with the natural, Catholic way of treatment, I felt like an even bigger failure.
Thankfully, my spiritual director, husband, mom, NFP instructor, and midwife all encouraged me to take an antidepressant that was safe to take while nursing. I fought it, but I finally caved in for the sake of my family. At first, it was my big secret. I didn’t want to tell anyone I had to go on antidepressants. It felt so wrong. I mean if I could give birth naturally three times, then why couldn’t I naturally get rid of a sad mood? It made me feel weak that I had to take medicine for an emotional wound.
But as Lisa Hendey pointed out in the podcast, someone with diabetes wouldn’t be embarrassed about disclosing her condition – or having to take insulin. So I’m starting to talk about it – if not for myself, then to reach out to others. Right now I am slowly weaning off the medication and should be completely off it by May. The medicine really did help me to start to feel like myself again, and I didn’t experience any negative side effects other than feeling queasy for the first few days I started taking the medication. (Of course, I combined it with other helpful therapies, which I’ll discuss shortly.) But I do know plenty of people who were able to triumph over their depression in other ways.
Charlotte of Waltzing Matilda brought up another good point in her comment after the original article. She wrote,”While PPD usually starts in response to chemical reactions in the brain after pregnancy and delivery, it can continue for other reasons that might lay hidden in the recesses of your heart. Once your brain is in depression mode it’s hard to shake it free. That’s where the spiritual direction or therapy with a Catholic or Christian therapist can be the key to complete healing.”
Spiritual direction has been invaluable to me in helping to identify some trigger points for burnout and past depressive episodes. I had not previously suffered from anything remotely close to clinical depression, but like most women, I’ve dealt with short bouts of sadness and mood swings related to hormonal shifts, so it’s good to keep a running list of potential aggravators (e.g., not getting enough sleep, old thought patterns related to my eating disorder, not tending to my spiritual life, not eating properly, etc.) that might lead me down a dark path if I’m not careful to confront them.
My spiritual director has also helped me single out my root sin (which happens to be vanity – thus, the feeling like a failure for having to seek treatment at all). In addition, some old inner demons resurrected during my dark months (depression, anxiety, and eating disorders are often connected), and I had to confront them in my prayer life and in spiritual direction. Confession helped me tremendously, too. There’s nothing quite like casting your cares on God’s shoulders. Talk about taking a load off!
Eating healthy, and reading Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon (per Anne McClure’s recommendation) was beneficial to me. Shannon’s book explores the link between cycle irregularities and nutrition and encourages a diet rich in whole, “real,” and unrefined food. She also explores how to treat PMS symptoms with supplements and eating the right kinds of food. There’s a section on depression and anxiety that was also helpful.
I also have to make an effort to stay hydrated, especially as a nursing mom. Dehydration has been linked to feelings of depression, so drink up.
Surviving Depression: A Catholic Approach by Sister Kathryn J. Hermes is on my wish list. I’m reading Sister’s Minute Meditations for Lent right now, and I love her sincere reflections.
In addition, exercise does wonders to lift my mood, especially when I’m able to take a stroll outdoors. We had a rainy winter here in Georgia, but every time I was able to go outside, the warmth of sun was like an expresso shot of happiness for me. (You poor, poor Northerners; I don’t envy you one bit.)
Lest this candid, long-winded post has you thinking differently, it hasn’t been easy for me to share my recent struggles with postpartum depression. (Remember I struggle with vanity!) :-) Sometimes when I look at my beautiful baby, I still feel a stab of guilt. How could I ever be sad after giving birth to this chubby, cuddly baby who giggles far more than she cries, vibrates with happiness, and calls, “Mama!” as soon as she sees me enter a room?
I wanted to be a mom for a long time. My ovaries starting twitching the moment I was married (before actually). When I didn’t become pregnant right away, I questioned God’s timing. Then I started to question His faith in me. Do you not think I’m up to the task?
When I became pregnant while nursing my second – something I didn’t think was possible given I had to wean my first at 22 months to conceive – I started to think God might have too much faith in me. I’m not up to this. I’m too tired.
When I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, I felt lost. The sadness was oppressive. There was no joy. I was so tired I couldn’t sleep. It all felt like a pile of proof that I wasn’t up to the task of raising children.
Before when I felt overwhelmed as a mom, good friends or my husband would encourage me to refill my tank. I’d reenergize myself maybe by writing, going on a walk, getting more sleep, reading a good book, having a date night with my husband, going to Mass, or just having fun with my kids, and – poof! – I was back to my happy self.
But this time it was different. This was more than a bad case of burnout. When a nurse told me to do something fun, I knew something was wrong when I couldn’t even remember what once gave me joy. I wanted to bury myself in my bed and sleep for a long time, but sleep would not come no matter how many cups of Sleepy Time tea I sipped.
At first I prayed. Hard. But then prayer began to feel like too much of an effort. God no longer seemed like a benevolent force in my life. Praying to Him seemed like just another thing I didn’t have the energy to do.
I wept a lot at home. Alone. My desire to please others and come off as the happy mom I once was kept me from being too obvious to people other than those who are closest to me (I owe much to my husband and mom who gently prodded me to seek help). Then I finally began to reach out to other women I knew – and that’s when others began to whisper in low voices that they, too, had suffered from anxiety or depression – sometimes postpartum, sometimes not – at some point in their lives.
Eventually I began to reach out to Him. And the Great Physician was there, waiting to start healing me.
I can’t help but wonder why it’s so easy to lose God even though He’s right there. I don’t understand why, but it can feel like you have to walk down a long road to find Him again. I had to grope my way through a lot of darkness. I had to yield to the anger burning in my heart.
I’m doing much better, feeling like myself again. Thanks be to God! I am still tired. But I’m inspired, too. My kids keep me going. God keeps me going. So does the realization that the darkness eventually always gives way to the light. It won’t rain forever and when it stops, boy, does the sun feel good.
And now I’ve felt called to share my story so others who are trudging along this dark path will know they’re not alone and that it won’t last forever.
If you’re suffering, here’s my advice – take it or leave it. Only you, with the help of loved ones and your faith, can find your way back to your true self. Yes, definitely, definitely try the natural form of therapies first. Stretch your limbs. Go on walks. Let the springtime sun warm you. Accept help from others. Sleep (ha! Still haven’t quite figured out how to accomplish this one!). Read inspiring books. (I can’t wait to get my hands on this one.) Fill your body with healthful food, and fill your soul with the Bread of Life. Seek out counseling to heal past wounds if there’s something deeper going on keeping you from living a life of joy. Try progesterone. Do not suffer alone. You are in a passion. You need God. You need help from Veronicas and Simons. You may need hormone therapy. But you may need medicine, too. And if you do end up needing something more to be more of yourself again, don’t feel like you’re weak, a failure, or a hopeless cause.
I don’t view antidepressants as miracle drugs that are always necessary or an easy way to slap a Bandaid on all of your hurts. I believe we’re too quick to medicate here in America. But just as I believe natural childbirth is a beautiful, safe way to bring a baby into the world and long for it to be an option more women are aware of and not fearful of, I know it’s not the only way to bring forth new life. A healthy baby in your arms is the end goal. I realize this is an imperfect analogy, but it’s the same way when you’re working to cure a sickness – including a mental sickness. When facing depression, healing is what you should seek. Hopefully, that healing will come in the form of something more natural. But perhaps the best way to treat postpartum depression or any form of depression is the way that works – the way that restores you to your healthy, whole self and allows you to be the person you were created to be.
Blessings!
*I’m breaking my “closed comments” policy for Lent in hopes that readers might be able to minister to others and help them find the healing they seek. If you have experience with PPD or depression (or know someone who has) and have another successful treatment option or any other helpful resources, words of wisdom, etc. to share, please do so below. I will not be responding to comments at this time, but please know I will read every single one, and I will keep you in my prayers.
thank you so much for sharing, may the light continue to shine down on you!
i was diagnosed with PPD after my 4th, i tried all other options before going to an anti-depressant & for me that was what finally worked. of course i still do many of the other changes but it was the use of medication that finally helped me. i've written about it on my blog as well, i was fearful at first about doing it as if speaking about it publicly would give it power over me but i realized that i had to speak about it & in doing so i was truly taking myself back. and thankfully God never gives up on us, even when we are in our darkest moments or deepest struggles.
thank you again for your post.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have suffered from depression since I was 11, and like you, suffered from anorexia as a teen. My longest stretch of depression was when I was pregnant and after. I had two children close in age. My post-partum didn't totally improve until my younger one started sleeping through the night at age 2! It was the longest, most painful 3+ years of my life. I finally sought the help of a spiritual director when my younger son was about 8 months old. I have continued meeting with a spiritual director ever since (nearly 7 years now). I still have depression but it has been a huge help. Like you, I wanted to "tough it out." I think that is a pretty common outlook, especially because we don't want others to see us as weak. We don't want to see ourselves as weak. I encourage anyone who is suffering from depression of any kind to find a professional to talk to. I respect the fact that in your case, you needed medication. In many cases, however, just having someone to talk to can be a tremendous help.
Best wishes!
I've been dealing with anxiety issues for many years as well, and it's still difficult to talk about! The pride issue of course, as you mentioned :) But that's why it's so important that we all talk about it :)
What I liked best about your approach to this topic was your focus on the range of options available to women. Women should know these options exist and then explore them with their healthcare providers. It's never an either/or and usually an all (or many) of the above. Off to write a post of my own :)
You are truly amazing to share this, I know it will help so many out there. I dealt with depression and anxiety when I was younger. A lot of it was tied to my thyroid condition which can send so many hormones out of whack. After my second child I was so off the charts I thought I was losing my mind. They had to triple my Thyroid meds and also use anti-depressants. I am still dealing with it after a year, but I feel like a fog has lifted. Thanks for this article.
Glad to find you…hope you know about bloggy resources for PPD like Postpartum Progress:
http://www.postpartumprogress.typepad.com and Beyond Postpartum:
http://www.atlantappdmom.blogspot.com
Blessings, Amber
On my "running list" of things that trigger more depressed moments are chocolate and coffee. It's hard to cut out the caffiene when you're exhausted, but for me it is very important when trying to regulate my ppd. I also agree that the physical drain on the body of mothers who are pregnant/nursing for years on end is not to be underestimated. I'm pumping the prenatal vitamins during this (sixth) pregnancy, and I'm hoping it will help post-partum.
Thank your for sharing your experience — it is so important for mothers to hear about.
I just want to share about the effectiveness of medication — as people research, they might not realize that news summaries of studies do not always distinguish between types of depression, especially the difference between major and severe depression.
People with severe depression don't need to look at medication as a last resort, any more than someone with a heart attack would take vitamins and go for walks before going to the emergency room.
The research is very clear that for people with *severe depression* medication is more effective than things like therapy and exercise. That is great news, because people with severe depression often need immediate intervention to prevent them hurting themselves or someone else, or otherwise taking actions with long-term consequences.
After the medication is working, then a person can make a much better judgement of how to proceed and prevent or mitigate future episodes.
I love that you are talking about this so openly. I know how hard it is to own up to some of these feelings and thoughts. It's very courageous of you!
What I think is most important about this conversation is to make women see that there are a myriad of options and encouraging them to try different ones to find the option that works best for them.
That being said, I also want to encourage anyone who has serious reasons for trying to avoid prescription interventions to still seek help. I am proof that it is possible for some to battle back from the depths of this cross without medication provided you are committed to really doing all of the therapy/spiritual direction, nutritional changes, and exercise that you have to.
I don't mean avoiding prescription interventions out of pride, but in my case, a family history plagued with instance after instance of various different kinds of chemical dependencies along with sensitivities to certain medication made me very hesitant to go down that road. But my decision was based on my personal, family history and was the best decision for me.
My therapists and doctors agreed with my desired course of treatment but also reserved the right to tell me if it wasn't working and I would have accepted that decision. Exercise, nutrition, therapy and the Sacrament of Confession over a long period of time were sufficient. And I mean a long period of time. This problem isn't one that can be fixed quickly. It can take months or even years in some cases.
So, if you feel as though prescription interventions are not a very good option for you for reasons other than pride, you can try to do it without. Make sure you have people you trust who will tell you honestly how you are progressing. Make sure you have an outstanding support group (husband, mother, friends) and be prepared for a long haul.
Thank you again, Kate for starting this discussion and being so honest.
As someone who lives in a northern climate, I envy your Georgia sun! More than that, though, I found out that it is really common for us eskimos to be Vitamin D deficient. I had no idea that I was – my doctor did a blood test and found that I need presciption levels – I couldn't get enough in just over the counter pills. It has really, really helped my energy and mood, and if I forget to take it I can really tell! I highly recommend that anyone ask their doctor about it, b/c it is so much more common than people know! And such a great, natural way to address energy/ mood issues. (Obviously it's not a cure-all, but is one good method.)
Also – and I know this can be controversial, so I just want to share my own experience with this – I found that soy (particularly soy milk) made me crazy, roller-coaster emotional. Someone mentioned to me its estrogen-like quality, so I go off it and it helped so much! I guess my body has enough hormone issues to deal with.
Kate, thank you for sharing all this. I really admire your courage and your humility in opening up!
Thank you for addressing this topic. I haven't had my first baby yet, but since I've struggled with depression in the past and haved used medication to help I am paranoid that I will get PPD. I'm happy that I am at least aware that this could turn out to be an issue with me, and I'm thankful for other Catholic mommies like you who address with topic and offer advice! God bless you!
Hi!
This isn't a comment about your post per se, so you don't need to publish it. I just wanted to invite you to "Kids say the darndest things Friday" blog hop at:
http://mysticalrosedesign.blogspot.com/2010/03/post-signature_19.html
We’d love to have you join the fun and share your stories. I’m sure that you have some real gems! We are also hosting Pro-Life Tuesdays!
In Christ,
Lucy
Thank you for the open and thoughtful post. I have not struggled with PPD but did have several months of "baby blues" and anxiety after having my son. I eventually started feeling myself again without intervention but I think it's so important to hear about other mothers' struggles with this so you know you're not alone or crazy. Being a new mom, it was hard to understand what a toll lack of sleep and hormones can take on you. I later found out that one of my good friends experienced PPD and I never even knew it! I think it's so brave that you sought out professional help and treatment. That's shows a lot more strength that trying to "fix" it all by yourself. Thanks for your openness.
Thank you for your candor. It helps to hear that I'm not alone. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and anger since grade school. Then when I married, I spent five years pregnant and/or nursing, which further confused my hormones, body, and mind. I have tried EVERYTHING natural, and just last week I finally admitted that I couldn't do it alone. I'm starting medication that seems promising, and I'm hoping and praying that this will be my answer for healing and a joyful life.
It's nice to see others talking so openly about PPD. I have a story of my own to share, and I keep saying I'm going to do it before the birth of this baby. I think I worry about what my readers may think.
I've seen several posts over the past two weeks about depression, and PPD. Someone is trying to get my attention!
Thank you for talking about this. I have struggled with depression several times, and the crying jags and hopelessness sounds very familiar.
I also linked to this post on my weekly roundup (in addition to the one at F&FL). I have struggled for a long time, and I finally decided that enough was enough. I routinely pray for new mothers, as I remember how dark and difficult that time was for me. Blessings to all!
You will help so many others by sharing your experience. I'm so proud of you and continue to admire you greatly. Much love.