Eat Like a Baby

 

*I wrote this post before the move. Otherwise, it would not have made it to this space. It’s rather a jumble of disconnected words, so maybe it shouldn’t have been published. Ah well. This week (and I realize it’s only Tuesday) has not unfolded as I planned. More of my sob story (and my chance at growing in holiness!) at a later date (actually, the way things are going, I should say a much later date). :-)

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let’s Talk About Food

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about their struggles and successes with healthy eating. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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My girls recently had the pleasure of eating ice cream cones at a friend’s house in honor of a little one turning two. They smacked their lips as peanut butter frozen yogurt (yum!) dribbled down their chins. Those happy girls savored every lick. Their eyes were big and full of glee. The girls gobbled up the creamy goodness, and they enjoyed every bite without a side of guilt.

On this special day, my girls were enjoying what I’d call a “fun food.” I’ve found that most of what we eat falls into one of two categories: Nutritional food and fun food. Nutritional food is our fuel; it’s what nourishes us with the nutrients we need to lead a healthy, active life. Fun food is, well, fun. It may be lacking in nutrition, but it serves the purpose of giving us pleasure.

There’s nothing wrong with indulging in fun food from time to time – especially when you’re celebrating a sweet, little friend’s two years of life! Eating should be pleasurable. While ice cream and frozen yogurt is more of a fun food and isn’t something you should gulp down by the pint (even if it does have calcium), it’s also not something you should associate with guilt, anxiety, or therapy. (Not that I’ve ever wallowed over a bowl of ice cream when my heart has been bruised. Ahem.)

When I was recovering from an eating disorder, I had a really hard time with the fun food category (and sometimes I still do). It was very difficult for me to eat anything like brownies, chips, or ice cream sundaes without some anxiety. But seeing how my girls mindfully enjoy their food – whether it’s veggies or a chocolate chip cookie – is helping me to rethink how (as well as sometimes what) I eat.

My 15-month-old is the luckiest one of all in our family since she gets to nosh on a fun and nutritionally-rich food when she breastfeeds. Food is love to her and what a beautiful thing that is. I used to believe equating love with food was dangerous because it could lead to overindulging or eating just because you wanted to make someone you cared about feel appreciated for serving you delicious food. However, my little nurslings have shown me differently. Food can be pleasurable. It can be an expression of love. And yet, saying, “no thanks” to food (or a nursing session) when we are on the receiving end is not the same as unrequited love.

Neither is my kids looking at the dinner I just slaved over like it was poison. I’ve learned to not take it personally if my kids don’t like something I cook although we do have a rule about being polite about anything that ends up on their plates. And I think my kids – at least my oldest who is five-and-a-half – get it. Not only is nursing for both comfort and nutrition a way to show my daughter how much I love her, but preparing food for my entire family is a sign of love, too. My work in the kitchen is an important part of my vocation as a wife and mom. When I cook with joy and choose wholesome ingredients, I’m showing my love for my family. When they try what I cook and thank me for cooking it, they’re showing their love and appreciation for me.

The kitchen has, in fact, become a perennially satisfying place to gather. It’s by the stove, side by side, our hands dusted in flour, where my daughters and I share memories. We share good food, too: chocolate truffles, zucchini muffins, and whole wheat yogurt pancakes. Whatever baked goods we’re whipping up together, my five-year-old likes to say she’s adding sweet pills as we’re mixing the ingredients, and there is something sweet about the bread, cookies, and muffins we make.

When we hover over the mixing bowl together, I’m also teaching my children important skills. Knowing how to bake a delicious batch of cookies or understanding the difference between finely chopped and just plain chopped carrots will serve them well later on in life. Then there’s the actual product of our labor in the kitchen, the giving of ourselves and our time. We don’t finish off the entire batch of cookies or muffins on our own; we share them with others as an offering of our love.

We recently moved into a new home and there’s an older gentleman who lives alone next to us. The girls and I are planning to make some muffins for him. Sharing food is a wonderful way to show kindness and to make new friends. (This week’s baking menu also includes brownies for Daddy’s birthday.)

But food can quickly become a source of angst if we’re not careful. Food used to be something I feared. It was the enemy. It was what threatened to make me feel like I was no longer in control. Mealtimes were to be avoided. I preferred eating alone rather in a communal setting. I pray my daughters maintain a healthy approach to eating. I don’t want them to have a misguided relationship with food. I do want them to eat healthfully and to be able to enjoy treats on occasion with gladness – not anxiety.

Yet, I also don’t want to be so concerned with how or when they eat that I start controlling their appetites instead of letting them listen to their bodies. This helps explain why I allow fun foods in our diet and yes, even permit some nutritional losers like lollipops to slip into my children’s mouths. My wish to let my girls be in control of their appetites and cravings is also why we spend a lot of time in the kitchen baking recipes they have handpicked. It’s why I nurse on demand, not by the clock. It’s why when my five-year-old leaves the tiniest crumb on her plate and asks me to save it for later, I don’t chuck it but instead stash it in the fridge.

I’m learning that I have and should have control over what to offer them to eat, but it’s up to me to allow my children to have control over how much they eat, when they want to eat (within reason; when my preschooler started asking for a snack every night in bed as a ploy to postpone going to sleep, I refused her), and even if they don’t want to eat at all.

Mealtimes can quickly turn into battle zones for a lot of parents and children. I understand why. It’s difficult to watch your child turn her nose up at everything you offer her. My first two daughters have always been great eaters, but my third is more of a food snob and often eats very little (thankfully, she makes up for it in the nursing department). It’s difficult to not worry she’ll waste away if she doesn’t eat more of her meal (except for the fact that she has more rolls than the Michelin man), but I’ve learned to respect my kids’ cues. Healthy children won’t starve. Their bodies won’t physically let them. If they say they’re not hungry or if they push their food away (or fling it off the high chair tray), I don’t force them to eat even “just one more teeny bite.” I give them permission to skip a meal.

And while I encourage adventurous eating, I don’t punish my kids for not liking a new dish. I always ask my kids to try new foods, but they are never expected to clean their plates. Ever. And if they don’t like something, I thank them for sampling it and offer them food I know pleases their taste buds (within reason – like sliced apples; I refuse to be a short-order cook though).

What’s wonderful is my more relaxed approach to serving meals to them as well as their way of appreciating fun foods and eating intuitively is rubbing off on me and making me healthier, too. I remember a mom asking me what my “dieting secret” was following the birth of my second child. I told her I’ve learned to start eating like my kids who innately listen to their bodies and eat mindfully and don’t see food as “good” or “bad.”

One day my oldest pushed a plate of half-eaten cake and ice cream away from her.

“Do you not want anymore?” gasped her sweets-obsessed mother who always has her cake and eats all of it, too.

“Nope,” she said. “I stop eating when I’m full.”

And she does. And so do her sisters. Kids, especially babies and toddlers, eat instinctively – if we only let them. Maybe they stop when they’re full because they still see delicious, fun food as an occasional and allowable pleasure rather than a stolen one. They haven’t screwed up their natural appetite through deprivation diets. They eat based on internal signals (am I still hungry or not?) rather than external ones (I’m going to clean my plate because it will make my mom happy, or it will make me feel less stressed or less sad). They know that today’s ice cream cone won’t be the last. They savor smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day – a way of eating that virtually every health expert encourages people to adopt since it keeps your metabolism up and blood sugar levels more steady.

My babies eat nutritious food as well as fun food mindfully and with joy and love and pleasure. They eat the way I want to always eat, too.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated July 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Welcome to Two — All About Food — In case you hadn’t heard, there is a conspiracy afoot from the two year olds of the world. Shana at Tales of Minor Interest stumbled onto their newsletter!
• Four Seasons of Eating Locally — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction has pointers for what fresh produce can be found year-round. (@MBJunction)
• Happy Families Can Have More Than One Diet — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has figured out a way for her family to live happily as vegans and vegetarians with relatives who eat meat. (@DebChitwood)
• My Own Omnivore’s Dilemma — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante prioritizes responsible consumer choices for her family.
• No Gluten — No Cry — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma learned to cook balanced meals when her son’s food sensitivities prompted a diet overhaul. (@kitchenwitch)
• Try, Try Again — Stefanie at very very fine has become an enthusiastic consumer of locally grown food.
• CSA — Week 1 — Casey at What Love Is wants her children to know where their food comes from, so she joined a friendly CSA. (@CBerbs)
• Food: Parenting or Homemaking? — Michelle at The Parent Vortex sees food as part of a parent’s nurturing role. (@TheParentVortex)
• 5 Tips to Help Kids Develop Healthy Eating Habits — If you struggle with healthy eating, helping your child develop healthy habits might be a challenge. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares five easy tips that will help your kids learn to make good food choices. (@CodeNameMama)
• Family Food: Seeking Balance Between Healthy, Sustainable & Affordable — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings has a whole list of ideas for how she can improve her family’s eating, both now and into the future. (@sunfrog)
• Whole Foods in, Wholesome Feelings Out — Jessica at This is Worthwhile has turned her back on the processed, preservative-ridden food of her childhood. (@tisworthwhile)
• When to Splurge on Organic (and When It Is Okay to Skip It) — Becoming Mamas tell you what foods to prioritize when buying pricier organic food, and where you can find it cheaper. (@becomingmamas)
• A Locavore’s Family Meal — Acacia at Be Present Mama tells a story in pictures of her family taking a trip to the local organic farmers market and then preparing a summer meal together with their bounty.
• Eat Your Food, or Else — Why should we not bribe a child to eat? TwinToddlersDad from Littlestomaks (Science Driven Real Life Toddler Nutrition) explains. (@TwinToddlersDad)
• Food, Glorious Food! — Luschka at Diary of a First Child describes three easy ways her family has started eating healthier. (@diaryfirstchild)
• Celebrating Food — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes in food as medicine and thinks it’s worth paying more to keep healthy. (@myzerowaste)
• Oil and Yogurt — What have you been motivated to do with the current oil spill crisis? midnightfeedings has started making her own yogurt. (@midnightfeeding)
• Growth-Spurt Soup (AKA “Beannut Stew”) — BeanMa has a special stew to help her baby through growth spurts that keep her up all night. (@thebeanma)
• Why I Love The Real Food Community — Much like many people who follow AP/NP values, Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! takes the parts of the “real food” philosophy that work for her family and leaves the rest. (@bfmom)
• Feeding a Family of Six — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children gives helpful tips for feeding a family of six.
• Starting Solids at 6 Months — Did your doctor recommend that you give your baby cereal? Sheryl at Little Snowflakes discusses how whole foods are so much healthier (and more delicious) than traditional cereal. (@sheryljesin)
• Am I What I Eat? — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. has figured out a way to avoid grocery stores nearly altogether.
• Are We Setting Our Kids Up To Fail? — Megan at Purple Dancing Dahlias found that cutting out the junk also transformed her sons’ behavior problems.
• Changing your family’s way of eating — Lauren at Hobo Mama has techniques you can try to move your family gradually toward a healthier diet. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Real Food — What kinds of fake foods do you eat? And why?! Lisa C. at My World Edenwild talks about why she chooses real food.
• A Snackaholic’s Food Battle — Julie at Simple Life wants to stop snacking and get into the old ways of cooking from scratch and raising her own food. (@homemakerjulie)
• Food, Not Fight — Summer at Finding Summer doesn’t want her kids to grow up like her husband: hating everything green. (@summerm)
• How Do You Eat When You Are out of Town? — Cassie at There’s a Pickle In My Life wants some tips on how to eat healthy when you are out of town.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Food! — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker hopes that by serving her children healthy, balanced meals, they will become accustomed to making good food choices. (@sybilryan)
• There’s No Food Like Home’s — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing revels in the Bajan food of her upbringing. (@BlkWmnDoBF)
• This Mom’s Food Journey — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment made a journey from not paying attention to food to growing her own.
• Who Knew Eating Was So Hard? — The challenges involved in changing to healthier eating habits take on a whole new dimension when you have a child who has difficulties eating. kadiera at Our Little Acorn shares her own experiences. (@kadiera)
• Loving Food — Starr at Earth Mama truly believes food is her family’s medicine and is willing to spend days preparing it the traditional way.
• Food Mindfulness — Danielle at born.in.japan details how her family spends money on each category of food. (@borninjp)
• Food for Little People — Zoey at Good Goog wants to bless her daughter with happy traditions built around good food. (@zoeyspeak)
• Eat Like a Baby — Have you been told that you should not equate food with love? Kate Wicker at Momopoly shows us why that’s not necessarily true. (@Momopoly)
• Food — Deb at Science@Home tries to teach her children three rules to help them eat a healthy diet. (@ScienceMum)
• Healthy Eating Lactose-Free — MamanADroit gives us tips on how to eat healthy if you are lactose intolerant (or just don’t want cow milk). (@MamanADroit)