First, we were busy creating (hence, the blog post below). My hands all dirty with paint and pastel chalk dust steered clear of the pristine (sterile, lifeless) keyboard.
More recently, we found ourselves in rural Maine for a long-awaited and much-needed vacation where I was reduced to a pathetically lazy lump. But this lump noticed things – the sequin stars in the navy night sky, a leaf with perfect dew drops catching the sun’s light, the lanky leanness of my 5-year-old (no trace of toddler puffiness left on her frame), the long, thick lashes of my 3-year-old, the sweet, milky smell of my baby, my husband’s handsome profile and those gorgeous high cheek bones of his, and my own smile transformed from a tired turn of the lips to a gleaming grin by just a few days of real naps where I slipped quietly in to a cocoon of relaxation my body, soul, and mind has been craving, screaming for for months.
Now it’s back to reality. The girls’ nails seem more gritty from all the digging in the earth and their legs remind me of overly ripe bananas, marked with signs of outdoor living, bruises and and bug bites. I have loads of laundry to wash, the backs of ears to scrub, and that dirt settled into those nail beds to remove. But I don’t want to erase it all. I want to hold onto what it was like to love myself enough to say it’s okay to sleep or to lose yourself in that good book; it’s okay to be instead of do. As I write this now, it comes out cliche, empty platitudes we all spout out but rarely live. Still, I’m willing to try. I’m willing to wash our clothes and skin of the detritus of living at a rustic camp for a week without washing away our wonderment, our ability to hold onto the moment rather than planning (or dreading) what’s to come or regretting what should have been said or shouldn’t have been said.
I hope to share pictures and more thoughts of our weeklong respite. For now, I’ll share snippets into our life from the week or so before we left. Looking at this saved draft – photos and words I cobbled together before the leave-it-all-behind fantasy came to life in the woods of Maine, I see I’m not as bad as I sometimes think at capitalizing on my children’s desire to create and to live in vivid colors rather than blurred, muted ones from moving too quickly. These posts remind me of that. So do my journals where I try to not always come off as brooding as Sylvia Plath and occasionally describe the goodness I observe every day if I pry open my stubborn eyes long enough to look, really look.
In Maine, GG (Great Grandmother Jean) and I were discussing letters and journals. “No one journals anymore,” I lament.
“I do,” she says.
“I do, too. I’ve been writing the old-fashioned way since I first learned to write, but I don’t know too many people my age who do that anymore.”
“That’s a shame,” she said. “Because you won’t remember your life. You’ll forget even if you don’t want to.”
Selective memory would be nice, I think. I’d like to forget the time I hurled a muffin across the kitchen in a fit of frustration, but I don’t want to forget afternoons spent dabbling with paint and joy and children who are exhausting and trying but who never fail to color my world with Technicolor wonder.
—
Lately, we’ve been spending a lot of time creating art (and memories) using old sheets, long driveways, and even little fingernails and toenails as our canvases.
My life, too, is a canvas, and I want to paint it with bold, beautiful colors. I want to splatter it with joy. I want to share it with my children and not hold back any pieces of myself and give and give.
To grow in virtue, they need to see all art forms though. The ones of sunshine and the darker ones, too.
My children are teaching me to create art out of anything and to find joy in everything. I’m teaching them to forgive when things start to get messy. Because I can be very messy in my brokenness. I hope I am helping to sculpt them, shape them, too – at least a little – to be good artists, people who create and give love everywhere they go.
Motherhood is helping to mold me more into His image. It’s His workmanship I admire the most.
Maker of all things, I pray my children might catch glimpses of You in me. I pray my children will be naturally drawn to You as they are to bright colors.
May my children always feel your gentleness in your arms. May they always look past the mess and find the joy. And grant that I may I do the same.
Liz says
It's been many years since I've journaled, but you've inspired me to take it up again!
Maggie says
Absolutely beautiful, Kate! Just reading this post has put me at peace and relaxation!
Anonymous says
Beautiful.
Melanie B says
Rural Maine is lovely. I hope you truly rank deep and are refreshed.
I love all the pictures of the girls' art.
Kate Wicker @ Momopoly says
I'd never been to Maine until I married my husband. He spent every summer of his childhood there because his mom's family has a camp (aka a rustic log cabin with no plumbing; we use an outhouse) there. It's been in the family since the late 1800s and I swear time stands still there. I've fallen in love with the place. We hadn't been there in two years and it was so good to be back. The girls spent most of their days outside chasing frogs and whatnot. I read two whole books in four days. Nirvana.
Melanie B says
Kate,
That's funny I'd never really been to Maine until I met my husband either. (I don't count short trips to the outlet stores in Kittery as visiting Maine.) We haven't done as much of the camping thing as I'd like, though.
When we go to Maine we're usually visiting his mom. Your rustic cabin sounds wonderful.
ViolinMama says
I miss you. *Sigh*.
Kate Wicker @ Momopoly says
Melanie, the camp is great. The only time I didn't enjoy it so much is when I was pregnant with Mary Elizabeth and wallowing in sickness. I had to keep two pots by my cot – one for vomit and one for diarrhea. Ugh. The rustic charm was lost on me then. :-)
ViolinMama, I miss you and all my TT buddies so much. I'm planning on making the trek in September for the outdoor Rosary. See you then?
Blessings!
ViolinMama says
Yes! I'll see you then!! AWESOME!!
Also – a friend of mine e-mailed me. I like to send her your articles on children at Mass, still feeling grace at Mass when toddlers are all wiggly, etc. She just e-mailed asking to see some of them again, as they are now hitting that VERY hard time with their little girl and need encouragement. Now I can't find some of those great ones again. I sent her Up in the Air, and your post below…but you have posted some other gems – can you perhaps send me links again, or post them here for everyone? You had such wisdom and encouragement.
Thanks!! Blessings!
Kate Wicker @ Momopoly says
Great idea, ViolinMama. I actually need to re-read my own advice when I have a particularly trying day. I'll try to put some links together and post them this weekend. Maybe others will have some wisdom or encouragement to share, too.
God bless!