You can read my latest column at the newly-designed Inside Catholic: Up in the Air.
I was inspired to write this piece after a long month of traveling with little ones back in the spring. As we navigated crowded, public spaces, I noticed that some people showed obvious disdain as soon as they spotted my three children (and this was when they were behaving well!).
Don’t get me wrong: During our travels to two out of state weddings on back-to-back weekends, there were far more people who smiled and provided positive feedback. Yet, even in church I’ve encountered people who may be pro-life, but they sure don’t act pro-children.
Unfortunately, I’m not alone. After I wrote this post about how understanding people were during a recent Mass, I received an email from a reader that read:
“We had a terrible experience last weekend at Mass. Before the priest had even walked in, the man behind us commented to his wife, ‘Well, I can see this Mass is going to be a waste of time.’ I turned around and said, ‘I’m sorry, are we bothering you? Would you like us to move?’ He responded, ‘No, just keep him quiet.’ I answered, ‘I’ll do my best, but he’s only one.’His answer? ‘Well, it’s not the child to blame, it’s the parents.’
I picked my son up, said, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and walked out.My husband and older child followed and moved to the other side of the church. I spent the entire Mass in the gathering area….which, realistically, is where we pretty much spend Mass anyway. We generally wait for the opening hymn and blessing and then one of us goes outside. That man didn’t even extend the courtesy of waiting for us, or allowing us, to do the right thing!”
Why do we expect little ones to be perfectly behaved no matter the circumstances or the age of the child (Mass, crowded airport security lines, for example) when adults can’t even behave themselves? Maybe adults don’t screech like a howler monkey, but our minds wander. We bump into people. We get angry and frustrated when traveling and hungry and tired. I’ve seen many adults behave very badly in public, and they’ve had a lot more practice than my children.
As a mom to little (loud) ones, I’m sensitive to those around me. I don’t condone letting my kids scale the pews at church or wildly run around restaurants, but I wish people would give kids the opportunity to behave well and when they don’t, the mercy to know they are little people in training who need experiences, shaping, molding, compassion, and kindness a whole lot more than they need scowls and anger.
I hope I always remember this and that I never fall into the trap of forgetting what it’s like to be a mom of young children and to offer support, not judgment (which is another reason I wrote this article).
I hope the same Kate.
I had an awful expirience when my eldest child, Daniel was about 18 months old. A lady at weekday masses asked me to stop bringing him because he was being a big distraction.
I was really upset about it but still decided that maybe I shouldn't be taking him.
That night a priest from our parish came around and encouraged me to bring Daniel still. I did go back the next day with great trepidation thinking the worst and hoping this women would not confront me again. Funny thing was, i never saw her again. Maybe she was too embarrassed to come to weekday mass again.
When we had only one baby, a man at the church told us that there was a cry room for us to sit in with the baby. He was asleep the whole Mass!
What makes people think they can be so closed off to life in a Catholic church? Jesus himself told the children to come to Him, and we can't get any closer than bringing them to Mass and the Eucharist.
The sound of children at Mass only join the choirs of angels in Heaven. Rejoice!
I've never understood those extreme reactions, especially when nothing's even happened yet. I suspect there's something deeper going on, something tragic and sad, and that makes it easier to let go of the personal offense.
Personally, I'm at the inbetween motherhood and grandmotherhood stage, so I love when families with small children sit in front of us. Most of the time they're very good, and if they do make a noise, it's usually a joyful noise, so that's a good thing!