After this post, I had a friend ask me if I could compile all the links to articles I’ve written about bringing young children to Mass. She knows someone who is struggling with bringing her toddler to church and wanted to offer some encouragement, so I’ve included a list of articles related to this subject below.
Although I strongly believe we should welcome children to worship with us and that even the smallest ones receive graces by going to church, I understand a parent’s need to pray in peace without kid-induced distractions. In fact, I attended Mass sans kids last weekend, and I admit it was very nice to be able to focus on the liturgy without having to nurse a toddler or manage an antsy preschooler (especially given my recent yearning for more silence and alone time). So if you’re feeling burned out, by all means, go to church alone or spend some time in prayer by yourself. Tank up on Christ so that you have more to give to your family and to others.
My big concern, however, is not allowing solitary and/or adult-only worship to become a habit or the norm. My children need to be exposed to the liturgy at an early age, and frankly, I need the opportunity to grow in virtue by taking my kids to church and being forced to practice patience and kindness. Sunday is also a family day, so we choose to celebrate as a family. I would miss this ritual of dressing up and celebrating together if I always went to Mass separated from my little ones. (I share a whole bunch of other reasons about why I believe young children belong at Mass in the first article listed below. The article could be used to make a case for bringing children to worship in other faith traditions, not just the Catholic Mass.)
No matter what religion you are, I encourage you to not always segregate children or to leave them behind when you go to worship. We must tend to our children’s spiritual selves. We must show them that church and a life of faith is for them, too. Kids hate to feel left out, so let’s welcome them.
Why Young Children Belong at Mass
Sunday Morning Scramble: 7 Tips for Attending Mass with Young Children
Seen and Not Heard in Church (I’m quoted in this Wall Street Journal article about whether or not children should be in church)
Up in the Air
Howler Monkeys, Prayers About Poop, and Amazing Grace
If anyone has any tips, words of encouragement, and/or links to other articles/posts to lift up parents of young children who want to bring to church, please do share.
UPDATE: I just thought of two other links I should have included.
First, Melanie B. has an excellent post that’s chock full of ideas on how to get your toddlers to behave in Mass. I included a link to it with the Sunday Morning Scramble article, but for quick reference click here.
Also, I neglected to include a link to the article I wrote about how I came to the prayerful decision to discreetly nurse at Mass (especially since I was comfortable nursing in other public places). Maman A Droit’s comment reminded me how we need to be supportive of nursing mothers and their children. I love my new parish. Everyone is incredibly welcoming to my children and I don’t feel uncomfortable at all nursing my 17 month old. I nursed her at Mass this morning, in fact, and I even received a kind compliment from the older gentleman sitting behind us about our family. Being able to nurse my child without being judged makes Mass a more peaceful celebration for my little one, for me, and for everyone around us.
This is exactly the encouragement I needed on a Saturday night. Mass has been a struggle lately, as I spend pretty much the entire time walking around my 13 month old who absolutely refuses to sit still for even a minute. It's exhausting, and it is frustrating for church to be an exhausting experience instead of a refreshing one. And the fact that all the other moms at our parish seem to use pacifiers and/or bottles doesn't help me feel welcome and empathised with. Reading your words of wisdom as a mom who's been through it with several kids already really helps :)
Maman A Droit, you're in the toughest phase right now. I'd say from about 12 months – 2 1/2 years are the toughest. But hang in there. You're receiving many graces by bringing your little one to Mass.
God bless!
Maman A Droit,
We are in the same place too with our 14 month old. In fact, as much as I advocate bringing the wee ones to Mass, he's been the first baby I've ever left behind while I went to Mass with the rest of my family.
He went through a really bad month of teething pain at about 11 months and trying to take him to Mass in the time slot that his morning nap usually fell in just seemed like a Very Bad Idea. I did some split shifts, going to Mass at a different time than my husband. Also, we are fortunate to have my sister living with us so I was able to get her to babysit him a few times when she was going to a later Mass. All in all there was a space of more than two months in which he didn't darken the church doors.
Now we're taking him again but he wants to run and scream and does not want to be held. Yesterday was particularly trying as he lunged and writhed in my arms. He's a big guy and I have a hard time physically restraining him. My girls were never so hard to control and of course now that we have three my husband and I are outnumbered, which changes the dynamics quite a bit.
It is reassuring to hear other little voices and know I'm not the only one in the Church who is struggling to maintain calm with her little one.
Oh and thanks for the link, Kate.
Totally needed this reminder. Daily mass w/2 has been an adjustment, partly b/c oldest is still getting used to not having full lap time… Thanks for the reminder to persevere :)
I grew up in, and still attend, a church that centers on the family, and little ones always attend church with their families. This whole segregation thing confounds me.
I planned to write a long comment here, but my shorter response is stick with it. We now get comments on how well behaved our four year old daughter is at Mass. Yes, we went through a time where we sat at the back of the church, and yes, I cheated a little during that time with raisins, a book (always Catholic oriented), or a bottle.
Thanks for this perspective, Diana. As much as I believe my efforts will pay off and as preachy as I get about the whole kids at Mass subject, I do feel overwhelmed and frustrated sometimes (with my smaller ones even though my older one is behaving very well these days). :-)
did I ever thank you for this? If not…thank you! So much. I miss you!