Kate Wicker

Storyteller & Speaker

A Case for Mom Blogs – Part II (Thoughts on Intellect, Culture, & Motherhood)

UPDATE: I just realized an entire paragraph was missing from my post. I have no idea how this happened; it was showing up in my draft but not on the “live” post. When I tried to edit the post in Blogger this afternoon, it wouldn’t let me even open the post until I finally made some HTML tweaks on my iPhone App (I could open the post on it but not on my laptop). But I am a happy mom blogger, so I won’t let this little setback and the fact that my post on intellect and culture and motherhood came off as a bit bird-witted (the irony is not lost on me) get me down! Anyway, it’s fixed now and hopefully makes a bit more sense.

Welcome to Part II of my my mom blog series where I make an argument as to why happy mom blogs are needed in the blogosphere. In Part I of the series I discuss why I’m okay with happy mom blogs and I even go a step further and make the case that we need upbeat mom blogs. Part I can be found here. This week I’m going to look at why “simple” mom blogs are good for my daily media diet even if they don’t necessarily boost my brain power or make me more cultured.

Why I don’t need blogs to make me think about hard issues or to be more intellectual.
I do plenty of thinking on my own. Too much probably. I frequently fall into the trap of ridiculous brooding, and I have the tendency to over-analyze everything. When I’m indulging in blog reading, I’ve found I can be satisfied and fulfilled without firing cerebral synapses. When I’m feeling overwhelmed or lonely or exhausted, even when I grow tired of monosyllabic board books and talking animals, I don’t always need to cram my brain with big thoughts to feel human and/or worthy (though admittedly it sometimes does help).
As a blog author when I consciously try to avoid talking about motherhood or my children, it/they inevitably comes up. During my husband and my first real, post-parent getaway back in December, we made a bet to see who could make it the longest without bringing the kids up. I lost. It had been about 10 minutes since we’d made the fun bet when I saw something that I knew my oldest would love. I mentioned this, and we both started laughing.
We shared great conversation on that trip together, mostly because it was uninterrupted, but we did end up chatting about our kids a lot. That’s because this is our life right now. We’re in the midst of raising a family. Little girls, averting tantrums, bedtime routines, nursing – this is fodder for our current conversation just as when we were childless and working, we both talked a lot about our jobs, our goals, and yes, those children that we hoped we’d one day have.
None of this is to suggest there aren’t days when I’m at home alone with the littles and would love to have a conversation that doesn’t involve imaginary friends named Feezy or Sara. But when I’m in the mood to get intellectual, I talk with my husband (we do have some adult-only, thoughtful exchanges), read books, or fill in a challenging crossword puzzle. I can read literary journals, the Wall Street Journal, The Economist, National Review, The New Yorker, etc.
Intellectual insight isn’t all that hard to come by. But inspiration for a Christian, pro-life, homeschooling, babywearing, breastfeeding, and/or quasi-crunchy conservative mom? That’s not so easy to find and when I do, I’ll take it and my heart, if not my mind, will thank me. Of course, the best blog authors to me are those who can write about motherhood and get you thinking at the same time.
When I’m worried I’m losing my once brainy self or my mind in the parental trenches, I force myself to see the big picture of motherhood – to not dwell on the monotony, what could be seen as domestic drudgery (not another load of mind-numbing laundry!), or the lack of mind-tingling excitement on any given day. Maybe my day-to-day existence does not tap into vast stores of brain power, but thanks to my children, my life is like a glorious garden – a greenhouse that nurtures burgeoning minds that will, with God’s grace, and my careful attention grow from seeds into greatness.
That’s mind-blowing stuff.
Not everyone agrees with me. As I mentioned in my first post on this topic, I’ve seen articles and/or comments on other blogs about how juvenile mom blogs are. The gist of most of this mom-bashing commentary is something like this: Why would any thinking woman want to write about poop and how much she enjoys cuddling with her kids? Thinking mothers want culture. They want curse words. They want adult-only content. No talk of nursing babies or talking vegetables and/or animals allowed.

I get wanting to be brainy, but I don’t get the hoards of thinking women who argue that women ought to completely avoid talking about motherhood when we’re not actively engaged in it in order to give us a break. Or, similarly, the arguments that those moms who do talk about mom stuff aren’t as smart as women who discuss more erudite topics.

I sometimes miss academia. I was a big nerd who loved being a student and rarely skipped class. I loved being a student, but I also know my mind isn’t going stagnant on me just because I frequently write and/or about motherhood instead of theistic existentialism.
Likewise, I’ve also been interested in the arts and other great human intellectual achievements, but I don’t go looking for it or any kind of high-browed, adults-only content on most of my favorite blogs. Maybe this makes me guilty of intellectual lassitude. Maybe it just makes me dumb, but what I’m longing for more than satiety for my appetite for culture and thinking when I’m clicking through my Google Reader is encouragement, inspiration, and yes, sometimes even sugary sweet fluff that makes me feel as good inside as sinking my teeth into a vanilla buttercream truffle. I’m not saying the writing over at my favorite blogs is fluff. On the contrary, there’s some amazing writing – writing that makes me pause and think. But I’m drawn to bloggers who write about their everyday existence: laundry, endless diaper changes, recipes for picky eaters, etc. This is my culture.
But none of this means I can’t bring the arts and intellect into my blog and into my days as a mom. I wonder if this is something moms who criticize happy, “simple” mom blogs are missing – that being a mother and being cultured and intellectual are not mutulally exclusive. I remember a well-meaning relative I admire saying something about me getting married so young and wanting to have children early on. “But you’re so ambitious.” Damn right. That’s why I’m on baby number four! :-) Kidding aside, just because a woman becomes a mother doesn’t mean she buries her ambition, her thirst for knowledge, and her wit for dead.


Moms have a great opportunity to bring culture into their homes, to show their children beautiful pieces of art, to listen to the likes of Mozart (rather than sing-songy kids songs all day), and to read good literature aloud to their children (simple board books are good for babies to chew on, but there are so many great words to feed our own and our children’s mind with).

Karen Andreola, a homeschooling mom, writer, and proponent of Charlotte Mason and her gentle way of learning, coined a phrase “Mother Culture.” She writes in her Pocketful of Pinecones: Nature Study with the Gentle Art of Learning,

“To take part in Mother Culture is to take a little time to keep growing. In as little as fifteen minutes a day, a mother can strengthen her spirit, expand her mind, exercise her creativity, or ponder ideas that will help her in her arduous task as homemaker/home teacher.”

I agree we owe it to ourselves to feed our minds and spirits, to continue growing as Andreola puts it, but this can be done without being snarky, hiding motherhood away, and/or criticizing other moms who choose to write about diapers, laundry, meal plans, etc. as being simple-minded (or as being a bunch of weinies as I saw one troll put it; raise your hand if you’re a weinie!).


Even when not actively pursuing culture, what some people seem to overlook is that women writers can be intellectual without turning their nose at all things maternal. Raising children is an intellectual pursuit if I step away from myself and what I’m yearning to know long enough and think of all that I must teach my children. (Plus, homeschooling has made me realize how much I’ve forgotten, especially now that we’re studying the ancient world.) Perhaps more importantly, being a parent is a spiritual pursuit. It grows the soul even when my brain feels more like sludge than a hotbed for brilliant ideas. (And, yes, motherhood is Natalie Portman’s most important role.)
Some mothers may use the Blogosphere or scholarly pursuits to escape the ennui of motherhood. But I use it differently – either to add to my life of as a mom and to bring more meaning and beauty to my children’s lives or perhaps even more importantly, to remind myself that any ennui there is in my life is because I’m failing to see the big picture. I’m failing to see that being a wife and mother is the very way God is growing in my soul and transforming it.

Saint Thomas Aquinas wrote that “human reason is very deficient in things concerning God.” Motherhood is from God and this vocation is about bringing forth new life, nurturing that life, and raising children who have eternal value is the greatest of all human accomplishments.


We’re here to serve God and our families and as Betty Duffy so eloquently recently put it,

“Nothing releases you like motherhood, which is why, if my singular long-range goal is to go to Heaven, staying home with these babies has been the best path for me. I could put all my resources towards achieving one big dream or I could be expunged of a thousand little dreams each day and be emptied and ready, even if it feels like I’m treading water and waiting for whatever comes next.

It’s such a beautiful and rare thing to approach someone you love, and find them ready and waiting for you.”



(Read the entire essay here.)

The world certainly needs people to do big, brainy things, to find cures to diseases, to invent new technologies, and to paint masterpieces. But the world desperately needs mothers, too, as well as those who write about a day in the life of a mom in all its poopy glory.

—


Stay tuned for Part III. It might be awhile though. I’m planning on kicking off Lent with an Internet/blog fast.

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Comments

  1. Well said Kate! There's nothing un-intellectual about motherhood. Raising kids takes intelligence, and having intelligent conversations about parenting philosophies helps us to be better mothers.

  2. Smashing good post, Kate! I can't help but be reminded of Cardinal Mindzenty's words: "What on God's good earth is more glorious than this: to be a mother?" We mothers are onto something good; indeed, something utterly splendid. To take joy in our vocation as mothers and to share that joy by means of our blogs is not only our desire, but our duty. In a culture that considers motherhood to be a dismal occupation at best, the voices of "happy moms" need to be heard. Blog on, mamas!

  3. Okay, something is all messed up with Blogger. I just noticed a whole paragraph was missing from my post. Before the "we shared great conversation" this paragraph was supposed to be there: "As a blog author, even when I consciously try to avoid talking about motherhood or my children, it/they inevitably comes up. During my husband and my first real getaway since we became parents back in December, we made a bet to see who could make it the longest without bringing the kids up. I lost, of course. It had been about 10 minutes since we'd made the fun bet when I saw something that I knew my oldest would love. I mentioned this, and we both started laughing. We had great conversation on that trip together, mostly because it was uninterrupted, but we did end up chatting about our kids a lot. That's because this is our life right now. We're in the midst of raising a family. Little girls, averting tantrums, bedtime routines, nursing – this is fodder for our current conversation just as when we were childless and working, we both talked a lot about our jobs, our goals, and yes, those children that we hoped we'd one day have."

    It will absolutely not let me add this paragraph or edit the post at this time. And I'm so sick of all the font sizes, etc. changing for no apparent reason. Ugh.

    But I am a happy mom blogger and will not let this cause me (much) distress.

    Love Cardinal Mindzenty's quote! Amen!

  4. The post is fixed although the fonts are still all messed up. Ah well. There are definitely far more important things in life.

    Thank you, dear readers, for not calling me out on how the post didn't make any sense!

  7. Great post! I am enjoying this series your doing.
    I love my blog. I won't change what I'm doing for anyone. I love sharing the best parts of my life with the world. I love being able to look back through it when I'm having a bad day.

  8. Wow, I love this! I know about the negative or simplistic opinions some folks have about motherhood and being "just" a mom, but I am kind of glad to have avoided the anti-mom bloggers, so far! I have found my blogging style has changed fairly dramatically over time — for awhile it was a lot more raw, negative and more of a "venting" space for me, but now, reflecting my current mood, circumstances & support network, it is much MUCH more positive. I do want to reflect reality and give a balanced picture, but often don't feel like blogging about the negatives anymore for the reasons you describe — my complaints now are so minor in the grand scheme of things!

    Thanks for the great post — glad to have found your blog (via the Carnival of Natural Parenting)!

  9. I love this. It reminds me of what GK Chesterton said regarding mothers who stay at home to raise their children in What's Wrong with the World… I am not coming up with the exact quote on Google at the moment, but he basically said that it is better to be everything to someone (a mother who teaches her children everything about the world) than to be something specific to everyone (as in a paid job)… he said he'd never pity a mother for the smallness or mundaneness of her task but rather for the largeness of it because it can be difficult and is so very important.

    Moms today need to hear about the joys in the seemingly "trivial" tasks in childrearing!

  10. I really like this…I don't share your religious view, but do your mama and intellectual ones!

    Tell me, why is your blog the biggest feeder to my Home Birth post – have you got a feed? I'm getting 25 people a day from this URL – v confused cos I can't see any extra links/ recommendations?

    Thanks any way!

  11. Dreamin Aloud, they're probably coming from the Natural Parents Carnival post.

  12. Great post Kate!

    In my thinking, the blogosphere can be a powerful tool for elevating the status of motherhood in our every-man-for-himself culture.

    It's the blogs of faithful women painting a beautiful picture of motherhood (as it indeed should and can be portrayed), that will elevate the position.

    Anyway, there are enough haters in the word, right? No need to contribute! :)

    Blessings,
    Kara

“She could never be a saint, but she thought she could be a martyr if they killed her quick.”

―Flannery O'Connor