From my prayer journal, circa October 2010:
“The plan of the LORD stands forever; the design of his heart through all generations.” Psalm 33:11
Dear God,
I’m a planner. I’m always making lists, mapping out my day, my month, sometimes even my year. We’ve started our first official year of homeschooling, and my propensity to plan kicked into high gear. I created this elaborate spreadsheet that broke up our days into chunks of time and study. Not a minute would be wasted. We’d have nature study and observe great art together. Madeline would practice her sums and reading. Everything would go relatively smoothly because I had a plan.
During our very first week we were reading about the Fertile Crescent. I was showing Madeline (and our little onlookers) where the area is on a modern day globe. What I hadn’t anticipated in my curriculum planning were how the two younger sisters were going to want to get involved. Mary Elizabeth was constantly in destruction mode, trying to eat crayons. I’m afraid her poop might be a swirl of colors. Rachel didn’t want to feel left out and was constantly asking me for more “school” to do. I thought I’d anticipated this well because I had put together her own “school” box – a big cardboard box full of fun things to do like write with white chalk on black construction paper or use lacing cards. But she really wanted to do big-girl school.
I was desperately trying to keep Madeline’s attention amidst the chaos, but it was too much for her. Her sisters distracted her. She stood up and walked away from the lovely lesson I’d planned and before I had a chance to tell her to please come back and listen just for a few more minutes (you know, so we could live up to that fancy spreadsheet), I watched as she went to help her little sisters. She showed Rachel how to write a letter “D,” and then she handed a toy that had been out of Mary Elizabeth’s reach. My daughter, my little school girl was sticking to the most important plan of all: The Lord’s plan, Your plan, and a plan that is led by love more than the clock or accomplishments. No wonder generations have called You blessed. The world is full of goodness of the goodness that is You and so are our homes even when our personal plans are completely derailed.
—
I was flipping through my journal and when I saw that entry, I came face-to-face with many of the doubts I’ve had about homeschooling that had led me to discern sending my children to school. For now we are going to continue homeschooling.
In many ways, the school decision was sort of made for us for the immediate future. The local Montessori school’s waiting list is quite long, and the parochial school’s academic year starts the first week in August. This seemed so early, and during the discernment process I was concerned how it would work out sending Madeline to school around the same time a new baby was due. We’ve been very spoiled in not having to answer to anyone else’s schedule. So my husband and I decided I would homeschool for at least one more year figuring we can’t screw up elementary school and then make a more deliberate, prayerful decision for the 2012-2013 year.
Honestly, I was in panic mode when I started discerning all of this, and there were some underlying emotions and family stresses that I never felt called to discuss outside of our home coming into play. However, my time of necessary rest has given me profound inner peace about the decision our family has made.
As soon as I was faced with pre-term labor and the possibility (which grows less likely every single day I continue to gestate, thanks be to God!) of a baby in the NICU, I was grateful we could be flexible with exactly when our more formal homeschooling began. (I’m thinking probably after Labor Day.) We’ve had a lot of help with the girls, and sometimes this has required them going to stay with the grandparents. I miss them, and I can’t imagine having to shuffle Madeline off to school every day. Nor did I want to even think about how we would all handle the stress of a possibly medically-fragile baby and a complete shift in our family’s daily rhythm if Madeline was to go off to school-school.
I’ve actually found myself getting excited again about homeschooling, which I would have thought would never happen again a few months ago. (An added bonus: Homeschooling gives me an excuse to binge on some new books each summer!) I’ve been reading and planning – but not obsessively so. I’ve been putting my trust back into Charlotte Mason’s gentle art of learning – and into God.
I also recently finished reading Pocketful of Pinecones: Nature Study With the Gentle Art of Learning
These words from the book’s supplement section jumped out at me as I was reflecting upon this upcoming homeschooling year:
“To have an aim and a direction, even if accomplishments are small at the start, is far better than to drift along in insecurity and confusion, relying only upon snippets of advice from well-meaning friends. Even with great guidance…home teaching may still be a struggle. Please understand that a new home teacher goes through a transition period.
Carol [the fictional woman whose journal we’re privy to in Pocketful of Pinecones] put her trust in a method that appealed to her. She was careful to attempt no more than she felt she could handle at any given time. She couldn’t fully realize the ideal educational environment presented in Home Education [by Charlotte Mason]. She had to be content with what she was able to do, while acknowledging room for improvement.”
With this wisdom in mind, I need to remember a few things as I begin another year of homeschooling:
1. Having a plan is helpful. This gives us aim and direction, but it needs to be our family’s plan, and it needs to be rooted in God’s will as well as be flexible enough that it won’t make us all miserable. Likewise, as this wonderful post reminded me, one of the biggest perks of homeschooling lies in the flexibility – not only in terms of how our day-to-day lessons and learning unfold but also how I approach each child. I need to be aware of and focus on my daughters’ strengths and adapt accordingly. I can build our days around what makes my children strong and as La Paz Home Learning points out,
“By focusing on her strengths, gradually her weaknesses, which really are so small in the long run, become even smaller.
Until eventually, without us even noticing, they quietly disappear.
And that’s the beauty of it.”
2. Homeschooling is going to feel like a gift sometimes. It will easy to be recognize the beauty of it then. On other days, however, it’s going to feel like a real struggle. I need to try to focus on the big picture and not get bogged down by the challenges. I need to call to mind all that we have accomplished rather than obsess over what didn’t get done. I need to remember what’s gone right when things start to go wrong. I need to accept that there will be a transition period this year, especially since we are welcoming a new baby into our home.
3. I need to trust my instincts and the methods I have chosen for our family. I need not be overly ambitious or feel like I have to do everything I want to do or set out to do. I want to allow for plenty of “free” time to dawdle, dream, play outside, read, enjoy board games together, and draw.
4. Likewise, I need to remember that this is just one year. This is not the rest of our lives. Discernment is an on-going process. I need to approach decisions about each of my children’s schooling year by year and child by child. No need to get ahead of myself.
5. Finally, I want my children to know that our family and caring for one another takes primacy over their lessons. If my daughter abandons her copy work to help a younger sibling, I should be grateful, not frustrated. I entrust this year to God and the lessons He plans to teach all of us.
Kate, This is lovely. I struggle with so many of the same thing. I think that we’re almost on the same page except that Bella is only kindergarten age. My plan for this fall is very minimal. Well it will be. I haven’t made it yet. But with four children I know that we won’t be doing much structured school time.
I also found Pocketful of Pinecones inspiring. I just got her other books: The Charlotte Mason Companion (which I previously borrowed from the library) and Lessons at Blackberry Inn, which is the sequel to Pocketful of Pinecones. I’m also really enjoying A Little Way of Homeschooling. Even though I want to have more structure than a strict unschooler would, I find that reading about unschooling really helps to curb my extreme planner tendencies and reminds me that learning will happen even on those days when we fall short of the plan. It also reminds me to see how much Bella already knows with no formal school under her belt.
Thank you for this, Melanie. The Charlotte Mason Companion is one of my favorite homeschooling books. Actually, I recommend it to all moms – whether they homeschool or not. It’s a treasure trove of information and inspiration and one of those books I find myself revisiting time and time again. I actually recently lent it out to a friend, and she has told me how much she’s enjoying it as well.
Do let me know how you like Lessons at Blackberry Inn. I was thinking of ordering that one as well.
I’m also very grateful for your perspective on A Little Way of Homeschooling. I recently considered ordering it but when I saw it was focused on unschooling, I had second thoughts. I believe unschooling is a beautiful, fulfilling way of homeschooling for some families, but I know that my Type A personality just wouldn’t jive all that well with it. However, I love what you wrote about how seeing how unschooling works and reading about it helps to curb some of your own anxiety about whether you’re planning or doing enough. I think I’ll add the book to my wish list!
I only wish we lived closer, so we could plan – and relish our successes – together! :-)
Kate,
I was just reading about your book today on catholicmom.com.
What fun to then see my book mentioned here!
But I must say it’s not really “my” book –
definitely a community effort with the perspectives and experiences of 12 other wonderful Catholic moms in addition to my own.
I do think you would enjoy the book; in the third part you will meet 4 families who combine unschooling ideas (such as trusting that children will learn) with other educational methods (such as Charlotte Mason’s and classical). Karen Edmisten writes winningly of her propensity to plan and how that fits with her unschooling tendency to let the plans go sometimes. This theme of planning and relaxing the plan is woven throughout this section.
And then there is dear St. Therese. I love that woman! Chapters on her message embrace our stories, and her confidence in our loving God is contagious. Her own family used many ways to educate their daughters, and I think that’s a model we can follow: whatever works best for our family, keeping us peaceful and joyful, is the “right” way for us. My hope is that A Little Way of Homeschooling will encourage all parents to find the particular little way that fits their situation.
I really enjoyed reading your interview today; I sure hope you keep writing. I could especially relate to the anecdote about your reading your proofs and thinking, “Yes, this woman is right!” I have had the same experience with my books, re-reading them and letting them fulfill God’s plan to reassure me, as well as other readers. One night when I was feeling anxious about my sons’ education, I remembered something I had read just that day. “Ah, that woman though, she said x, y, and z, which were really true. I can relax.” Then I started laughing when I recalled “that woman” was me!
God bless you and your family,
Suzie
Suzie, thank you so much for this lovely comment. Your book is on my wish list, and I’m eager to read it. In recent years, St. Therese become a favorite saint of mine. In fact, I believe God is calling me to embrace her little way – not just on the homeschooling front but in life in general. Your book sounds wonderful, and I look forward to reading it.
God bless you!
During my first year of homeschooling, I was pregnant and then had a baby in March. It was somewhat difficult because of lack of energy, but we muddled through, then took a month off when the baby came. That actually worked out pretty well.
The second year was very difficult because the baby was now older and very cranky and not a good napper. And he wouldn’t let me read to the kids. That was very frustrating. I finally had to realize that we just weren’t going to be able to read very long books. At least we were able to listen to longer ones while driving to our activities. This baby has definitely taught me to be more go with the flow. It is good to have a plan, but then you have to be ready to tweak it, change it, or some days abandon in altogether. And that’s okay.
I might have to check out that unschooling book. It sounds interesting.
We are getting ready for our third year and I am worried about how it will work with a now destructive toddler. I am trying to plan with that in mind, but I think we’ll have to do a lot of adjusting this year. Not easy for me!
Isn’t is great how you can start when you want, take breaks when you want, start the day when you want?
I am struggling right now with finding the right way to educate an autistic child who is struggling to learn life skills (forget academics altogether for the time being) and two adventerous boys. We have decided that for this year (what would be kindergarten for a normally developing child)Miss Shelby will be going to public school in an autism classroom where the teacher has a special autism certificate attached to her Special Ed degree…but we are intrigued by newly opening autism schools in our state. Even to the point of moving to get Shelby into one next year in the event public school turns out to be a total disaster.
Then there are the boys. Parochial school is out as even though we survive on one government employees paycheck, we cannot afford tuition and we do not qualify for any kind of assistance from the school. Montessori schools in our area are not true “Montessori schools.” They have the name, but not the practices. Public school I am leaving as a last resort. I am praying they get into an inquiry-based charter school, but if that fails, despite my own misgivings about my abilities to teach, my second choice is homeschooling. And that is not a choice I make lightly at all as I have in-laws who are dead set against it and have moved much closer to us so they will have their noses in all of our decisions in some way or another whether we like it or not. (They also are in opposition to the inquiry based charter in favor of a direct instruction charter with a scripted curriculum, not a chance in a very hot place that is going to happen.)
I find myself praying more and more about what the “right” thing is and I just need to keep in mind that it might be many things or different things. And have the confidence to accept that others may hate my decisions, but it’s not up to them. I am my child’s mother, my husband is his father and together we are the first educators of our children regardless of any other opinions that may appear.
“And have the confidence to accept that others may hate my decisions, but it’s not up to them. I am my child’s mother, my husband is his father and together we are the first educators of our children regardless of any other opinions that may appear.”
Amen! I so often have to remind myself that what is “right” for me may not be “right” for others and vice versa. The path to happiness and holiness is different for us all.
God bless you and your sweet Shelby!