A lot like this:
And this:
And this, too:
Only Madeline (AKA Hopping Cricket) seems to be moving full-speed ahead these days. The rest of us are tired, tired, tired. I wish I could nap on the go.
Sleep when the baby sleeps? Ha! Try doing that at the start of soccer season and when you have three other littles, including a toddler who has decided that she wants “mama’s milk” whenever her baby brother doesn’t have dibs on the Dairy Queen (me). Not that I ever really embraced that wisdom. It was always more like “cram-everything-you-possibly-can-in-while-the-baby-sleeps!”
But with four kids I’m really recognizing my limitations. I’m embracing the “little way” – as in doing what I can and not fretting about what I can’t. And I can’t do all that much right now. I’m also trying to forgive myself when I fall way, way, way short of perfection in all areas of my life. Yesterday afternoon I lost it. A child’s irrational behavior caused me to snap. I feel sad about the way I treated her. Thank God for a child’s forgiveness and generous mercy. Sweet girl is quick to forgive. Now I have to forgive myself.
The good (miraculous!) news is I somehow have not fallen behind on laundry! And this new baby boy pees on everything. My pediatrician told me to tuck his penis down when I put on the diaper, but this has not stopped his super soaker from soaking sheets, sleepers, and my hand.
Oh, but he’s edible. I love how he cuddles with me when we sleep side-by-side at night and how he just grunts a bit when he’s ready to nurse. Grunt-nurse-sleep-pee-poop-sleep-grunt-nurse. These are our nights. But I don’t want him or my girls to grow up too quickly. My life is frequently an exhausting yet happy blur. Tired but inspired. I believe I used that mantra before to describe a season of my life. (Though yesterday late afternoon it was more like tired, overwhelmed, and very cranky.)
This is my now.
So I cover my little man with kisses. I breathe in his perfect, newborn scent. I mostly say yes to the toddler’s pleas for more Mama’s milk. I say I’m sorry when I’m not the mommy I want to be. I pray the sleep deprivation won’t rob me of the joy of the now. I hold all my children close, afraid to let go.
The days are so long; the nights sometimes even longer. But the years, my, they feel way too short.
If this isn’t the perfect description of motherhood, I don’t know what is. Actually, the doing your best but dead tired and desperately in need of the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness pretty much sums up the exhausted but got to keep going point for any vocation that is so very demanding in mind, body, and spirit. The gift in all of this is that you are aware of the Lord’s love, His many blessings, and you treasure the precious moments with your children, can laugh at some of the inconveniences, and draw closer to the Our merciful Father in the midst of the storm.
I’m sure this will be one of those times in your life that you look back on years from now and wonder how you did it all day in and day out, and God’s grace will be even more evident to you. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help, say yes to a friend willing to help with the older kids so you can take a nap, and know that this isn’t a sign that you are lacking as a wife or a mother, but that you are indeed a member of the body of Christ, capable of quite a bit, but unable to do it all yourself.
You sound like me in that you are your own harshest critic. Now is a good time to remember that the Lord loves you and each of your family members simply because you exist. It isn’t how much you do in a day that glorifies Him. If your to do list becomes too long, then scale back for now, knowing that taking care of your health and well-being is essential so you can care for your family.
I often struggle to be gentle to myself, especially when lots of people are counting on me, but that’s what the Lord prefers, and how He wants us to treat ourselves and others.
God’s giving you the blessing of seeing these moments as gifts, even now. His strength is sufficient and His love still present no matter how much Mommy-needs-a-nap.
Trisha Niermeyer Potter recently posted…Invitation, Initiation, and the Power of the Sacraments
Your girls have certainly blessed you beyond compare :) But I am so glad you have a “little man” to snuggle, too, now. Having children of both genders teaches you so much :)
Jess recently posted…Leaving
Hi Kate,
Have you tried switching diapers? I have 5 sons and a little bundle on the way. I have never been able to use the diapers that my friends and siblings were able to use on their little girls. Huggies or any brand similar have always leaked on my boys. I am able to use pampers premium or luvs with no leaking…although the small pampers swaddlers tend to leak on my boys as well. This is probably TMI but my sons urologist once told us that the pressure that a baby boys pee comes out would be comparable to a grown man being able to pee from the front end of a car clear past the trunk of a car never touching! sometimes all you can do is try to keep up with the laundry..lol. Hang in there mama!
I’m passing on possibly the best parenting of boys advice I ever got. Stick a maxi pad in his diaper. You can also purchase a diaper doubler, but a maxi pad is the same thing and cheaper. I guess this works if the problem is volume and not force.
Good luck. I wish you four straight hours of sleep and patience despite the crazy lack of sleep. He is just beautiful.
The last words are so true about the long days and short years. Hang in there… you will make it through! My fourth baby has been my worst sleeper, but so, so worth it!
Bring on the boy advice!
Oh, those pictures … darling!
My best boy advice (which will be more useful for you in a few years than now) is to buy reinforced jeans. I am always astonished at how quickly my boys wear through the knees of their pants. They even wear through Toughskins! Too bad they don’t make pants with metal plates. I’d totally buy them.
Ginny Kubitz Moyer recently posted…Life after high school
I just had my fourth as well, and she was born unexpectedly with special needs. I can so relate to how you are feeling right now, and you are right the days are long but the years are short! Blessings!
Jamie recently posted…(Almost) Wordless Wednesday
Enjoy these days and your little ones! Don’t worry about the cleaning or cooking- just give lots of hugs and kisses! I raised seven beautiful children who are now wonderful adults. The years pass quickly- way too quickly!! Believe me, your little ones will soon be grown and gone! Enjoy them! We are now loving being grandparents! It’s the best!!!
Anthony always mysteriously leaked out the side of his diaper at night. Leaving big wet spots on me and the bottom sheet. But he outgrew that fortunately.
Poor sleepy mama! My prayers are with you. It is hard but so, so good. Do be gentle with yourself. I’m walking the same road, and I’ve been having some success in seeing the situation as God must. I know he wouldn’t be as harsh as I am with myself. Once I actually sat down and thought through exactly what he might say on one of those occasions when I was at my worst, I saw that he was laughing at me in the same bemused way that I am able to sometimes do with the worst three year-old meltdown: Oh poor child, this is so hard right now; but I know it will pass and you will grow out of it eventually and be able to laugh at yourself.
As I’ve been able to laugh at myself, I’ve also started to try to help my girls see the ridiculous in their angry battles and hitting and kicking. Do you really think slapping your sister is going to make her want to share the doll with you? Would that work if she did it to you? A few times I’ve got Bella to laugh at the silliness of her biting Sophie’s arm and kicking her. And I am better able to laugh at it too instead of flying into a rage at how bad they are being and what a terrible parent I must be because I’ve modeled poor ways of dealing with anger.
I made a pact with Bella the other day that learning how to better deal with our anger and frustrations will be one of our school subjects this year. Our teachers will be Jesus and the saints. Especially St Therese. We’re reading the Vision Book, St Therese and the Roses right now as our afternoon read aloud and praying to St Therese for her help. It is helping. We are finding a new gentleness and peace. Of course we still lose it frequently but now are able to bounce back a little faster, ask for forgiveness a little more readily, and forgive ourselves for our imperfections just a little more easily. Small steps, right?
Melanie B recently posted…Maine
Thank you so much for your honesty here as well as your inspiration. God keeps pushing St. Therese on me – this time through you.
In addition, I hadn’t thought of showing how silly it is to hit or act out physically with my daughters (one in particular tends to act out physically when she’s frustrated). I really appreciate your insight! God bless.
Kate Wicker recently posted…{this moment} story time