Every time I sat today or walked with a bounce in my step, which is how I naturally walk all of the time, I winced in pain. That’s because there’s a big bruise that looks like an angry storm cloud on the left cheek of my bum.
It was the early evening yesterday and as is typical during that time of day, I was tired and eager to get through with the bedtime routine just so I could have some quiet time. I’d just helped my 4-year-old pick out a clean pair of panties to put on after she bathed because she insisted that she needed my help in choosing the right pair of undergarments. We were standing at the top of a long set of hardwood stairs. Thomas’s chunky thighs were wrapped around my waist. He was spouting out happy gibberish and wiggling with joy. He takes happiness to the next level. He actually sometimes laughs and cries at the same time when he’s really tired but is still trying to look on the bright side of things.
My left arm held Thomas close to me. I started to walk down the stairs when Rae asked me something. I don’t remember what. I was about to turn around and look at her when I lost my footing, slipped, and fell hard on the stairs. I watched in horror as Thomas slipped through the canyon of my arm and began to crash down the stairs. He tumbled down two stairs before I lunged forward and grabbed him and pulled his trembling body against my chest. I started sobbing and rocking back and forth, and I began to scream, “My baby! My baby!”
I was too afraid to look at him. I was sure if I looked at him, I’d see blood or a cracked-open head.
Sweet Rae said, “I’ll go get Daddy.”
She didn’t need to. He had heard my screaming and came running to me. He calmly took Thomas from me.
“Is he okay? Is he okay?” I asked. “I fell down the stairs. I dropped him. I can’t believe I dropped him.”
My husband immediately adopted his doctor persona and began carefully examining Thomas. To my surprise, he didn’t look hurt at all. There was no blood. No swelling anywhere. My husband gently prodded his head and asked me where I thought he hit. “He fell on his butt first, I think. Then he rolled over once and hit his head. I think that’s all. I don’t know though. It happened so quickly.”
I was still crying and shaking. Once my husband felt Thomas was okay, he handed him back to me. The little guy was crying as hard as I was and had broken out in a sweat but when he was back in my arms, he rested his fuzzy head against my chest and his sobbing slowed down until he was just making soft, pitiful gasps.
“My baby,” I said again and again.
My husband asked me if I was hurting. I told him my butt hurt. He took a look. “You’re going to have a huge hematoma.”
That’s the kind of language we use around here because of Dr. Dad. My kids don’t get cuts; they get lacerations. They don’t get dry skin on their scalp; they get seborrhoeic dermatitis. But he was right: I have a huge swollen purplish-black lump (AKA a HUGE hematoma) on my bottom. I have a bruised ankle as well.
I nursed him and rocked Thomas for a long time that night. We checked him periodically to make sure he wasn’t lethargic. He woke up several times in the night as is his custom. I was very grateful for his wakefulness last night and didn’t care how groggy I’d feel come morning.
My husband texted me to see how I was feeling today. I told him I was sore, but so grateful that I was the only one bruised. Thomas was his happy self all day. He somehow survived rolling down two hard stairs with not so much as a scratch.
Last night when I’d finally stopped shaking, I said to my husband, “In an instant with one misstep, I could have ruined my life.”
One of my closest friends is a pediatric emergency medicine doctor, and I’ve heard the stories of fractured skulls, sobbing parents whose lives would forever be changed because of some freak accident.
I honestly thought my baby boy was going to be severely injured. My sobs and hysterics surprised me. The sick feeling in my gut. It was awful.
That night I promised that I’d never take my kids for granted. I would never make things or worldly pursuits more important than my children. I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff like being late to soccer practice. I’d focus only on my relationship with my kids, husband, family, friends, and God. Of course, the morning started out all wrong. I didn’t pray first thing. One of my children was acting like a complete negatron, and I was too abrasive with her. Then another child elbowed me right on my sore bum, which hurts even when my clothes shifts on it. Yet, when I felt that sharp twinge of pain, I relived the moment, the terror, but I also once again experienced the gratitude that my baby was going to be fine, that my life as exhausting as it can be sometimes was unchanged.
I apologized to my children, and I began to weep. The tears started flowing instantly, and they wouldn’t stop. “Do you know how much I love you?”
Their little eyes widened. They nodded. Thomas squealed, bubbling over with happiness just at his mere existence. We all looked at his chunky body vibrating with pure delight, and we started to laugh.
When I stopped laughing through my tears, I said aloud, “Nothing else matters.”
The room grew uncharacteristically quiet. My children nodded. They understood.
What a post today…just wonderful writing…I saw your images…esp liked the one about the baby laughing/crying…laughed out loud at the word negatron (maybe it’s popular, but I’ve never heard it and I loved it). We had a fall last night…that led to an xray today…and I went through a similar feeling…this could be big deal…luckily it wasn’t…we’ve also had a lot of head traumas around here that went nowhere…Things can seem so dire, and then they’re not…they’re just reminders.
Diapeepees recently posted…The Answer to a Deep Question
Our son fell halfway down a flight of stairs when he was one year old. Terrifying! Even my ever calm husband was white as a ghost. Our sweet boy was absolutely fine and we were so grateful. The “what could have happened” was haunting, though! So glad your precious boy is ok, and I hope you heal up soon :)
So scary! I’m glad you are all OK! I remember Joe falling off the bed at 7 months and I don’t think I had ever been so scared in my life! You are a wonderful mommy!
Maggie@ From the Heart recently posted…Toddler Bed Help!
Oh Kate! I laughed and I cried as I read this! I also have had similar experiences and will never be able to sit for long periods of time on a hard surface after breaking my tail bone during one such episode. I also empathize with the “doctor” talk. I didn’t realize your hubby was a doctor. So, is mine — actually a veterinarian — but I also know what you mean about the medical jargon. He probably rolled his eyes at your use of the word “bum” (I know because my hubby does! LOL!) On a serious note, I can’t help but wonder what message God wants any of us mothers to take from situations like that. I agree that much of it is probably to not take loved ones for granted. But, I also wonder if He isn’t waiting for us to turn to Him and snuggle with Him as Thomas did with you. Sleep peacefully in His arms!
Kelly Ramirez recently posted…the pool of healing
I’m glad he is okay and that your injuries weren’t worse. I fell once down the stairs while carrying my then 2 year old. She was fine. My ankle was sprained. The one time I really got scared for my baby and stairs was when my 3rd little girl was a crawler. My oldest, then 3 or 4, accidentally left the baby gate open and my baby fell down half a flight of stairs landing on the hardwood floor. My dad, my husband and I have never forgot hearing that thump, thump, thud when she went down. My baby cried. I cried. My oldest cried. It was awful. Fortunately she was fine but it is always horrifying to think something could have happened. Thank God for our guardian angels and those of our children – what would we mothers do without them!?! :)
Katherine recently posted…Where I’ve Been…
Kate, I’m so happy everyone is ok. That being said, this is a beautiful reflection. Yours words really hit home to me this week, where I have been spending more than the usual amount of time on worldly things. Thank you!
Holly recently posted…The Hermit Life: Saying Goodbye to February’s Darkness
Glad everyone is okay!!
I too know this feeling…and I love when young children get you and understand you even through you are at your lowest moment. What a wonderful story, thank you for sharing. I had tears in my eyes. Hope your bum feels better soon.
Samantha Andersen recently posted…We went to Moab….
Oh my gosh. Was yesterday the day for falling down stairs?? I was walking my almost three year old up the stairs to go to bed last night, and almost the same thing happened to us, only I wasn’t carrying her, and I didn’t fall. I passed her on the stairs to reach up and turn on the light, heard a noise, and turned around to watch her somersault down the stairs, (from about the 7th step!) landing on her head. So I know *exactly* how you were feeling, minus perhaps a little bit because she’s older so not the same as dropping a baby.. but yes. The sick, gut wrenching helplessness as you watch your child tumble down and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. My husband was trying to question me afterwards, as we tried to figure out whether she needed to go to the ER, exactly *how* she fell… and I got so frustrated with him, trying to put it into words. It just happened so fast that all I really knew was how she landed at the bottom.
Fortunately, like Thomas, she was fine. A bump on the head, her hands were sore for a while, but after she got over the terror of the whole thing, she was her happy self, not lethargic, and she slept well. *I* didn’t, and woke up panicked at 4:30 because she doesn’t usually sleep that long.. I even commmitted the cardinal sin of “waking the sleeping child” so that I could make sure she was ok and bring her into bed with us. All I know is that the guardian angels must have been working overtime last night!
Anyway. Thank you for sharing – weirdly, it feels better to not be the only Mom who watched their child tumble down the stairs yesterday. Makes me feel like less of an awful parent for “letting” it happen!
Abby recently posted…Signs of Grace
Glad you and he are alright, Kate! We’ve had some scary near disasters, too. It sure makes your heart sick, doesn’t it?
Kate, I hope you are feeling better (physically and emotionally).
We all have accidents. My eldest slid down his stroller when he was just 1 month or so. It all happened so fast and I cried so hard too. They say their guardian angels catch them during these times :)
“Thomas’s chunky thighs were wrapped around my waist. He was spouting out happy gibberish and wiggling with joy. He takes happiness to the next level.” — Sweet, sweet, sweet. I can imagine you two and it’s a beautiful image. Simple yet priceless.