This has been a good week. Busy, yes, but good. My schedule was comfortably full; I was able to get things accomplished without feeling like it was all too much. Of course, there are many days when I feel overextended and over-leveraged. There are moments when everyone needs my woman-power. Littles physically cling to me like white rice. Older children need me to pay attention even when they act like they don’t. Dirty dishes and heaping piles of laundry (some dirty, other clean and waiting to be folded) stare me down. I sneak away to nurse the baby in a cloister of calm, but everyone finds me. Amazingly, their GPS units consistently fail them whenever it’s shoes that are lost, but they locate Mom with speedy, pinpoint accuracy.
The child whose love language is affirmation needs to be affirmed. NOW. The gregarious extrovert who wants quality time just wants to hang out and do something – anything! – together. My older son jumps with boy energy on the bed, and his sisters shriek. A child who craves physical touch and nursed the longest takes my free arm – the one that’s not cradling the baby – and puts it around her as she nuzzles close. During the overwhelming times, I admit I’m tempted to pull away, to shout at everyone to just leave me alone. Sometimes I sadly do withdraw. But I’m growing just a little bit wiser and often embrace the chaos as well as the physical touch from my children.
My oldest asks me to tuck her in, and it’s late and I’m tired, but I pause and look at her waiting, hopefully, for my response. How can I say no when she’s on the cusp of becoming a young woman who will won’t need or even want me constantly around?
I look at the baby and how he stops nursing now and pulls off to just to look at me with a look of pure joy.
The child who needs to be affirmed affirms me. Just this week during one of our bedtime routines, she whispered before her eyes slipped shut, “I love you so much, Mommy. Thank you for being so amazing.”
My snuggle bug child just wants to be hugged. My little boy wants me to play Legos with him more than anything, and he sometimes just runs up to me and gives me a spontaneous, strong embrace. Last night he was playing outside and when I came out, he stopped, ran up to me, and announced, “I need to give Mama a hug.” He hugged me, and then he raced off to continue playing.
And it hits me as my baby smiles at me, I will never be this loved. These children adore me right now. They don’t want anything but my presence in their lives. They will one day have other loves, but right now they offer their hearts – sometimes their needy hearts – wholly and constantly to me.
Our auxiliary bishop was at our school’s Mass and Mary crowning earlier this week, and he talked about the importance of not only giving love but of receiving it. He told the story of a teenager who told his mom to please not hug and kiss him in front of friends at the airport before he left for a trip. She told him to get out then and take a taxi. He stayed put, of course, and then he endured her public displays of affection. I, too, have endured the love from my children. Endured. But love is to be received, not endured. Today I vow to receive their love gratefully, joyfully, to tuck even the oldest of children into their beds at night and to plant a soft kiss on their foreheads, and to give thanks that my children offer a singular love reserved only for me.
Beautiful. Helpful! Thank you.
Thank you for reading!
It’s so true. I’m an introvert who craves alone time (and I only have one child, so I can’t imagine how desperate I would be for me-time if I had 5!). But I know too well how badly I will miss these days when they’re gone. Right now I’m heartbroken because I just realized that my days of getting homemade Mother’s Day cards are probably over. My son is in third grade now, and I don’t think the upper grades at school do anything for Mother’s Day. And my husband will probably just have him give me a store-bought card. I was so unprepared for this! When he started making me adorable things in preschool, it never occurred to me that there would only be a few years of it. It breaks my heart that those days might be behind me! I know it sounds crazy, because I’ve already said goodbye to so many childhood milestones, but this one is hitting me hard. It’s something I looked forward to for so many years, never realizing that it was a very temporary thing. Motherhood is so full of goodbyes!
Isn’t that the truth?
From an old post I wrote:
Parenting is just one long process of weaning. First, newborns are weaned from their mother’s womb. Then, arms open wide, they’re sailing down a hill on their bikes and we’re screaming, “Keep your hands on those handlebars!” Before we know it the very children we thought would never sleep through the night or get out of diapers are heading off to college with an assured (and perhaps inflated) sense of wisdom. I don’t speak from experience. My oldest isn’t even four yet. I can only guess how quickly it comes time to say good-bye and there’s no longer a baby wedged on a hip, flapping fat fingers at you while babbling, “Bye-bye.”
To be parents, I’m learning, is to teach my children to be less dependent on me and more dependent on themselves. This is just one of the ciphers of parenting: to figure out when you need to hold on and when it’s time to let go. I’m only just discovering that the holding on is much, much easier to do.
I hope your Mother’s Day is very special even without the homemade card. :-) God bless!
I love this. As I’m watching all my “babies” grow up now and leave the nest. I’m down to one boy who “needs” me to put him to bed and it won’t be much longer before he stops asking. He was the one who I thought would NEVER stop coming into our bed in the night, and then one morning, I realized that it had been weeks since he had made his way down. And without my even knowing it was the last time, it was the last time. When my college son asks me to come up and help him move and make the two day drive home with him, I fly up. Not because he can’t by himself, but because he wants me there. When my high school senior knocks on the bedroom door for a kiss goodnight, I always invite him in. When any of my large behemoth boys snuggles next to me on the couch, slings a giant arm on me, asks for a kiss or a hug, I always accommodate. It seems like years ago that I was desperate for some peace and wanted everyone to just leave me alone. And now I’m holding onto that time for dear life!
Kris, sometimes when I see your boys in Facebook, I can’t believe it’s really them. They are frozen in time for me as the little boys from Totus Tuus. I have always loved your wisdom and perspective, and I will hold my babies (and my giants :-)) close for as long as they’ll let me!
What a beautiful post. Your children are so loving. Have a Blessed Mother’s Day.
Marilyn and family
Thank you so much!
Love it Kate…great post! Love all your posts :)
Thank you, Judith, and I know I owe you an email. I’ll come up for air in June and will hopefully connect with you then! God bless!
You are so kind. I’m only getting to look at your above reply now….so I get it! X