{For those of you who follow me on Facebook and/or Instagram, you may have already read a version of this post, but I thought it was worth posting over here for my faithful blog remnant.}
A few weeks ago, I shared some thoughts about motherhood over on Instagram in response to an influx of social media posts discussing how motherhood and pursuing passions are not mutually exclusive. When I first saw all the posts with a similar theme, I was kind of wondering what was going on. “Um, what’s in the La Croix lately?” It wasn’t until I stumbled upon some wise words from Danielle Bean (she has a new book, and I read it in one-sitting; it was that good!) when I deducted that some celebrity at the Golden Globes (which wasn’t even on my radar) must have said something about motherhood and work that sparked the dialogue. I do know the Oscars are this Sunday because I usually attend my movie-buff-of-a-brother’s annual Oscar party, but I’m in Wisconsin this year for the Women Celebrate Conference and will sadly have to miss. I suspect some Hollywood-er might make some comments about motherhood and work on Sunday as well.
We need these kind of conversations about mothers being able to pursue their passions and/or balance their work with motherhood, but we also need to keep in mind the “ordinary” mom who can’t even figure out how to squeeze in a shower, let alone write a book, train for a marathon, or launch an interior design business. The problem is the women often perpetuating the message that motherhood won’t stop you from doing great things outside of the home are women who use social media – not just to share pictures of their precious offspring with the grandparents – but as a platform for the work (passion) they feel called to do, myself included (remember, I’m a writer and speaker). So the everyday mom swipes through the images and the words about how they, too, can do it and/or how it’s really, really hard, but it is possible.
I wholeheartedly agree: Women do not have to accept an “either/or” existence. You can still do great things and share your gifts even with children in your midst. But you don’t have to. This seems to be missing from the discussion. You can be a “successful” mom and woman without ever writing a book, completing a triathlon, launching a nonprofit, obtaining a higher degree, or contributing to the gross domestic product. You can be “just” a mom and still be a strong, intellectual, and passionate woman. Just being a mother means you are doing great things all of the time, every single day. They’re just not flashy, great things. They don’t include Oscar speeches, medals, or bylines.
Likewise, let’s not forget the countless moms who would love to find time for their passions (or even basic self-care), but they’re just worrying about how to make ends meet and/or have no support system in place to carve out time for passions.
Our culture’s expectations for success and happiness are pushed so high that the simple beauty of being an ordinary, loving mother is lost in a world that’s tells you have the freedom, power, and gifts to do more, to be more. Is it any wonder so many moms are often left feeling inadequate, unambitious, or depressed if they don’t do more than “just” serve their families? Here’s the thing: The little decisions to give and to love that you make on any given day won’t get celebrated much. No one is going to see you give a sick child breathing treatments in the middle of the night. No one is going to hand you a Golden Globe for praying over children or gathering your resolve to set boundaries for a wayward child. No one’s going to give you a trophy for raising children without much support or working an extra job so you can pay the bills. People aren’t going to celebrate the countless meals you’ve prepared or the fact that your house looks like a war zone but you got on the floor and read books to your child.
But is God is celebrating. He doesn’t need great deeds. He needs a great heart, and cultivating a heart that knows how to give is a passion always worth pursuing.
Very well said! I am an RN, not currently working in my profession (I work as a “lunch lady” because I need a school based schedule to be there for my son). I feel so much guilt that I’m not bringing in the income I’m capable of earning and contributing to my family, and it stings when people ask if I’m ever going to go back to nursing (I keep my license active to keep my option open). People can’t fathom that being the mother of a school aged child can be very consuming in certain circumstances that I won’t get into here.
What a great post. it is sad that people criticize Moms who choose to stay at home with the children. I remember years ago people criticized Mrs. Barbara Bush by saying what has she ever done but raise children.
Mrs. Bush raised a son who became President and was a First Lady. She also started the reading program. All these great accomplishments are a successful woman and Mom to me.Mom to me. Kudos to the stay at home Moms.
Marilyn