As part of the Virtual National Catholic Women’s Conference, I was invited to host a Live Q&A to discuss anxiety, depression, and body image. I could have definitely hosted an hour (or two!) on each of those topics individually. When I was wrapping up the session, I ended up hijacking the last part of the talk with my anti-diet rhetoric. I apologize. There were a lot of women tuned in who probably weren’t there to hear an anti-diet message. Some may have even been confused because aren’t we called to care for these temples of the Holy Spirit and not allow food to control us? My response to this question has drastically changed over the years. Now that I recognize how much time women waste on finding the new diet or healthy lifestyly change that will finally give them to body, health, and/or happiness they desire, I’m extremely reluctant to endorse any form of weight loss. Instead, I encourage women to pursue weight-neutral goals and changes and to also look into the science-based concept of health at any size (known as HAES).
When I speak about making peace with your body, reclaiming the beauty of Creation, glorifying God with your body, recognizing your worth transcends the number on the scale, embracing your God-given, made in His image desisgn, I get cheers and head nods. Amen, Sister! Yet when I start to question a woman’s diet program or “healthy” weight loss, things can get a little murky and sometimes even a tad tense. I get it. I have nothing but empathy for anyone out there who celebrating how his/her low-carb program has helped him/her shed the weight or any person whose doctor is congratulating him/her for reclaiming her health. But none of this is the answer to peace. That’s what this recent conference focused on: PEACE. Peace doesn’t come with diets, weight loss, or doctors patting you on the back for taking charge of your health. Peace comes when you don’t even stop to consider how much or how little you eat, when you savor a delicious “treat” as much as you might savor a kale and quinoa salad. I knew I was closer to achieving food freedom a few years ago when I realized I could choose to eat a low-fat pile of vegetables or a cheese-laden, greasy piece of pizza without much consideration and certainly no guilt or complicated thought process.
Listen, I know there are many women who have successfully lost weight with reset plans or eliminating certain food groups, etc., but I will never be an advocate for any form of dieting/healthy lifestyle plan, etc. Your body is so wise. It doesn’t need a reset or a cleanse or a detox (your liver and kidneys are detox masters). If you’ve gained some weight during quaratine, so what? We just freaking lived through a pandemic. Your body will eventually reset and figure things out. Even if you keep some softness, who cares? Your weight is the least interesting thing about you. Why would you ever measure your success or your worth in inches or pounds lost?
The irony is the last 15 minutes of this Q&A ended up revolving around a woman’s weight loss success story and then me responding with my cautionary tale against diets or any form of weight loss. Here we were: Two women, no doubt from different walks of life, who could have been sharing our faith or talking about how to minister to others suffering from mental health, and all we could talk about was weight and chocolate (I eat it whenever I feel like it; she doesn’t but she said she still enjoys little bits now and then). This lengthy digression about food and diets just proved my point. As women, we have so much more to talk about and so much work to be done in the vineyard of the Lord. Let’s not waste it on arguing about the “virtues” of the latest diet or weight loss success story.
Diet culture is so insidious. The weight loss and health industry bank (literally) on people wanting to lose weight or tone up or feel at their best. The industry also hinges upon you failing because if we all could achieve perfect physical bliss and FINALLY feel completely at home and comfortable in our bodies for the rest of our lives, then we’d never need a new plan or another reset. The industry would become obsolete and would stop making money. It preys upon you not feeling thin/strong/healthy/good enough. It depends upon you constantly seeking change and being convinced that any icky feeling or digestion issue isn’t caused by anxiety around food or your weight but by the food and your weight itself.
Another beautiful woman asked me if I’d heard of some reset program. She even held up the book that outlined the plan. I told her I stay away from any such program. I said this was because of my eating disordered history, and it is to a certain extent. But I’d encourage anyone to stay away from a “reset.” None of us needs a drastic reset that tells us what or what not to eat. Maybe the best reset would be getting to bed at a reasonable hour, praying more, seeking help for subterranean feelings of anxiety and/or depression, being more creative, connecting more with loved ones, moving your body in a way you love and for the joy of it, and drinking enough water each day. Why do we pigeon-hole health into only what we eat and our BMI?
Someone once told me how well she slept once she started one of those reset programs like Whole 30. She said she collapsed into bed each night and fell into a deep sleep. I wondered if part of her zombie-like sleep stemmed from the fact that she was no longer eating enough and was depleted and exhausted from a lack of proper caloric intake.
One of my kids asked if it would be healthy to only eat cookies every day, day afer day. “No, that wouldn’t be healthy, but neither would only eating kale.” We have to stop demonizing some foods while elevating others to an almost virtuous and holy level.
Again, I am not trying to demonize anyone who is lured into following some plan or doctor who’s been on Dr. Oz and promises to have the secret to weight loss success. It’s so hard. I’ve been lured in even though I work hard to stay away from triggers and have worked with an anti-diet nutrition (which I highly recommend). I get it. I really do.
One of the conference participants pointed out that it didin’t look like I had a “weight problem.” I too quickly quipped, “I don’t!” because pridefully I wanted to “prove” you don’t have to eliminate entire food groups from your eating to be at a so-called weight. But the truth is you can’t tell if someone has a weight problem simply by looking her and gauging her weight. A “weight” problem is anyone who spends an inordinate amount of time tracking calories, macros, calories burned, or celebrates weight loss as a significant humanitarian accomplishment and weight gain as an indictment against a person’s character. A weight problem is someone who thinks they are morally superior because they have the “will power” to get ripped or to lose weight. A weight problem is someone who defines health only in terms of the physical instead of recognizing it may not be “healthy” to avoid social gatherings where high-calorie foods might be served because they don’t fit into your meal plan. A weight problem might be someone who only feels at peace when they are eating “right.” Someone might have a weight problem if they use Lenten fasting as a way to prep for swimsuit season. Fasting without a conversation with God and any inkling of a spiritual conversion is just another diet.
I don’t want anyone to have a weight problem. Life is hard enough without pouring your heart and soul into changing your body or investing a lifetime in hating it.
I once was what would be considered overweight. I was bullied. I cried myself to sleep wishing the beautiful me wasn’t trapped beneath so many layers of skin. Then I got thin. Like so many of us, I thought thin meant better. I also thought being thin and controlling my weight might protect me from ever being hurt again. Spoiler alert: It didn’t.
Fat phobia is real. Diet culture is insidious. Whatever the current diet du jour, it’s incredibly tempting to embrace it because it appears that it will offer us so much, and the alternative is frightening. Diets always promote something that is seemingly better than what you’re doing now (or feeling now) while offering you a sense of belonging, safety, happiness, and success. These are longings of the human heart, but we need to find a better way of satisfying these desires rather than through restricting or obsessing over what we put into our mouth. Diets make people smaller. Sometimes literally, but always figuratively. They shrink wrap you into a less dimensional and full person. They zap so much energy from you and divert it to such a small part of life. So I’m never going to champion “better” equating to thinner or weighing less. I’m never going to congratulate a woman on her weight loss or her before and after. I will always take the longview when it comes to eating and food. Diets may work for the short-term (research shows 80 percent of people gain the weight and often a few extra pounds back 2-3 years after a “successful” diet), and they “work” for a few years because they lead others to praise and celebrate the person who lost the weight. That affirmation feels fleetingly good. But it doesn’t bring the kind of lasting peace I desire.
Diet culture is a lot like a pseudo religion. Losing weight or pursuing health/”clean” eating gives you purpose. It can also offer community and rules while promoting what feels like a virtuous morality (less carbs, no processed junk). It promises of safety, happiness, and less suffering. Yet, when you still suffer or you stop losing weight or gain a few pounds back, you feel like maybe something is wrong with you and it’s time to up the ante, to become more “religious.” Meanwhile, life is passing you by; Jesus is whispering: My peace I give you. You won’t find peace in a slice of cake, but you won’t find it in a diet and weight loss either.
Loving and making peace with your body isn’t about loving how your body looks (or how you perceive it to look); it’s about loving your body because it is. I invite you to never allow another diet or eating plan to distract you from your innate dignity and being. You are perfectly lovely just the way you are, and you have so much more to offer the world than your skin. God created you as you are. Stop questioning His taste.
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For anyone interested, I read Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Anti-Diet Approach a few years ago, and it changed my life. It made me see just how dangerous dieting is and how my body truly is amazing and worthy of trust and respect.